I can barely hear out of my right ear.
The blockage started out quite innocently. It’s happened before. My ear tends to produce a lot of wax sometimes, not sure why. Days like that, things get uncomfortable. My strategy is to just leave it alone and let it ‘fix’ itself but I don’t know what drove me to touch this one.
I don’t know how it happened, but I made a mess of it. Well, scratch that…I know what happened. I inserted a cotton bud and tried to be smart with it and made things worse. Once I noticed it was stuck in, I proceeded to jab it more with a couple other cotton buds…and other things that I would rather not share.
As you can imagine, I would not be sharing this if things cleared then. I have an appointment in a couple of hours with an ENT doctor to try and get rid of the blockage.
This was the last thing I thought I would do. Of all the reasons to visit a doctor, ear wax had to be at the bottom of a very very long list.
I tried every single remedy I read on the internet to try and fix this by myself. I’ve stood under a hot shower with my ear facing up to soak in the water, I have tried to blow air out with my mouth closed to see if the pressure will dislodge it somehow. I have added massive amounts of warm salty water to no relief.
I even bought over the counter ear drops which I didn’t know existed until a couple of days ago. I slept completely till for two nights with a massive amount of these drops in my ear but still woke up blocked.
Now I have to go to the clinic and I feel like a failure
I can't help but think that this feeling is wrong. Why would seeking medical help feel like I am failing somehow. It feels like a sign of weakness and I do it all the time!
I was in excruciating pain on the morning I found out that I was pregnant.
We were moving house the day before so I was busy lifting things, packing and unpacking, barely sitting down. I slept with intense cramps and I thought it was just from the strain of moving. I was also just about to get my periods, so maybe my body was over reacting.
By 5 am in the morning, I couldn’t sleep any longer. I knew I needed help. The first thought in my head was that I was losing my uterus because why did I feel like someone was scraping it out of me! I ran to my husband and we went to hospital. When he was sharing this story later, he said that he took it seriously because “If Sally says she wants to go to the doctor, it must be really bad and I mean really!“
I used to think my aversion to seeking help when I am uncomfortable or in pain is because I am strong. I am so strong that I do not need anything, no meds, no help …nothing. I would find myself with the toughest flu, so bad that I can barely see or breathe but even then, I would not take meds. I have had consistent pain in my legs, something that flares up every other year that most times make it absolutely difficult to walk, but instead of seeking help, I brave on instead
Now looking at it, I think that this is a sign of a problem and not a sign of strength. It’s a bug, not a feature. I must be scared of something. Maybe I have been taught that seeking help is a sign of weakness. That you are so ill that only a doctor and tablets can fix you. That you are so unhealthy that your body cannot fix itself.
One thing that I realised gives me anxiety is my kids showing any kind of discomfort or pain. I find myself going into mum mode and rushing to ease them in anyway. If my gut says clinic, I don’t hesitate. I once took my daughter in for suspected tonsillitis and when the doctor finished examining her and confirmed it, she took a look at me and asked me to sit in the exam chair as well. I was also suffering from a bad throat infection and flu and she asked me why I didn’t tell her. I told her that I was planning on just winging it.
We both left with meds and to be honest, I needed it. I was working through the pain and discomfort and doing nothing substantial. I didn’t want to admit that I wasn’t well and my body needed the time to heal
I don't know if this is learned behaviour or I was born this way but I need to understand that my body is my greatest asset and I shouldn’t be afraid of seeking help. I remember waking up and moving around to host people, to make people feel comfortable days after my C-Sections. I only realised how stupid that was after talking to friend recently who just had one. I was there busy advising her to take things slow because she has been pushing herself and finally admitted to herself and me that I struggled after mine. I didn’t want to appear weak after undergoing a major surgery!
I hope not to pass this on to my kids, especially my daughter.
Women have to work hard for or independence. Any sign of complaint or hesitation opens you up to doubt in your skills, competence or ability , so we hold it in and suffer in the name of strength.
I went to the clinic yesterday. I sat in that waiting room looking at everyone else, wondering what would have possibly brought them there. Are their ears blocked too? Finally my turn came and the doctor looked into my ear and confirmed the blockage. a quick clean and I could hear again. I sat there looking around because I couldn’t comprehend just how many sounds I was missing out on.
All it took me was 5 minutes and I was out of a week long misery.
Lesson learnt.
EP 46: School’s Out, Now What?
It’s out! The series has began. In the last issue I talked about releasing a series of episodes on the podcast dedicated to the holiday season. These episodes will explore certain topics or scenarios that we might find ourselves in during this season.
The first episode released earlier this week goes into how we can aid our kids development when they are home from school. In it, I have a conversation with Danielle Ochieng, a curriculum designer child adolescent psychologist who has worked with kids for over 10 years
Key take away? Let them get bored!
I am looking for contributors to this newsletter. Got a topic, story or idea you would love to talk about? Let me know by replying to this issue.
Chat soon
Sal