“When you spend too much time battling your own nature, the opposite happens: you deplete yourself. I’ve met too many people living lives that didn’t suit them — introverts with frenetic social schedules and extroverts with jobs that required
them to sit in front of their computers for hours at a stretch. We all have to do things that don’t come naturally... some of the time. But it shouldn’t be all the time. It shouldn’t even be most of the time.”
― Susan Cain, The Power of Introverts: 9 Best-Loved Stories
I felt a bit flat early in the week which is a very unusual state of affairs for me. We often joke if I’m down for more than an hour -there’s something seriously wrong. Is the world going to end? Invariably after a bit of interaction with people, I’m usually right as rain again. I definitely need people, and working alongside them invariably makes me feel energised.
I think in part I was flat because I thought I’d finished a piece of work (euphoria!) and then I had to dig a bit deeper to do another few hours on it. I’m confident we did our very best, reflecting now and I’m hopeful for success. I say we because whilst I did a goodly part of the slog, I was also given extraordinary support from colleagues (who went above and beyond, and unlike me, were not paid.)
I started this blog on Tuesday, and now it’s Friday. It’s been that kind of week.
On Tuesday I woke to the news that the ex-footballer, Chris Bart-Williams had died at 49. I wasn’t a fan of any of the teams he played for, but he was the kind of player who seemed to exude joy on the pitch and in life, and I remember this really vividly. Reading the tributes to him which were typically fulsome and full of reminders of his exuberance, I’m reminded of two things. Firstly, it’s a now or never thing. And secondly, the importance of being yourself and -just as importantly – being given the space to flourish as yourself. He was loud, boisterous, skilled, and clever. And very charismatic. And his managers seemed to give him the space to express all aspects of his personality.
Not everyone can be loud and out there, in a public (and sometimes private) sphere. And nor should they be, either. Not everyone gets their energy from being the centre of attention. I’ve been struck sometimes by how people -sometimes wilfully – misunderstand quiet people. By no definition could I be said to be an introvert, but I have been very aware in the past how colleagues who are can be swept aside in a tide of loudness. Or more maddeningly, overlooked.
I know extraverts can be misunderstood too, sometimes their seeming abundance can hide what they’re really feeling. Or it can be used as a shield to hide sadness, or hollowness.
Trevor Francis, England’s first million-pound footballer, also died this week. He always struck me on the more introverted side, as the quiet type who just gets on with business – in his case proficient goal scoring. He was equal in gifts to Chris Bart-Williams, in fact Trevor Francis won 52 cap for England. He never seemed to be the one leading the party, not obviously anyway. But if you’re smart, and some of the best managers are, you find a way to get the best out of all types of players.
And that’s the point really – because quiet, more introverted people aren’t always up at the front shouting, but don’t make the mistake of thinking they’re not 100% contributing or, quite often in my experience, leading from behind. You’d be foolish to underestimate those individuals or side-line them because they’re not like you. Imagine a football team full of exuberant individuals. Or any team for that matter. Sometimes, while the extraverts are busy filling the space, the introverts are busy watching and working. They see you. But do you see them?
That’s not to say that extraverts can’t reflect. I saw a lovely video on Twitter with Chris Bart-Williams doing precisely that. It’s easy to fall into generalisations.
Which takes me back to me being flat for a whole 50 minutes. I was probably just tired!
ooo0ooo
That was the original blog and then this week also saw the death of Shuhada Sadaqat (Sinéad O’Connor) who I can’t shoehorn into the post, but it felt odd not to mention her. There are millions of tributes and thousands of words about her power and impact, about her extraordinary gifts, and her activism. Like many people, I first heard her through Nothing Compares to You. Because it was genre changing. Because, that vocal. That beauty. But my enduring memory of her will be her truth telling, her searing honesty, her razor sharp commitment for not lying to or for others. Her inability to compromise. There are few people on the planet who are willing to jeopardise their career to say it how it is and follow their heart. But she was one of them.
Some of the worst of things happened to Shuhada but we were blessed to have had her among us.