Marumarum is a publication focused on sending Positive Messages Into Negative Spaces.
Every week we share brief articles on a variety of topics aiming to shed light on a new aspect of life.
-Parker Dellis at Marum Studios
[009] Politely Picky
“Stop being picky and just ____.” Fill in the blank with “eat your broccoli” or “do your homework” and we have the classic view of what it means to be picky. Picky people tend to be seen as maybe irrational or hard to deal with, but is that a problem? Whether we think their reasoning is valid or not, picky people have a strong will to go for what they want and they usually get it. However, pickiness can be a rigid, unmoving thought process that can be hard to work with. But what if we were to implement being politely picky? Being politely picky might look like a tool that can be used to work through ideas or processes faster because there are rules that we might abide by. When decisions are tough and time is short, being politely picky creates opportunities standards, and limitations to allow for better outcomes.
In order to be politely picky we need to understand who we are, have confidence in who we are, and reflect helpful honesty with grace. Understanding our tendencies and how we respond to life allows us to make better decisions and gauge how potential situations might benefit or threaten our health and goals. When we understand enough of who we are mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually, we are able to establish confidence in ourselves. Confidence allows us to be firm with our responses and decision-making so that we might save time, take on responsibility, and create trust with others. To be confident yet not overly confident we need to have a balanced relationship with honesty.
In the process of being politely picky, honesty allows us to show the polite aspects of who we are by reflecting who we truly are and not a distorted lie towards others. By being honest, ideas and feedback will be sent or received in a friendly manner rather than being met with contempt or disgrace. However, being honest is difficult in circumstances such as greetings like “How are you?” when the socially accepted answer of “good” is rarely being honest. A politely picky answer might have a different approach with a bit more honesty and confidence. Even an “I’m just alright” is concise and more reflective than saying good or okay.
By having self-understanding, confidence, and honesty we create a foundation of standards that we want to adhere to so that we don’t underachieve our goals or dreams. We know ourselves and want what is best for ourselves, our team, and our families, so we confidently do our best to make a way toward our goals by being politely picky. And in order to be politely picky we need these standards. Otherwise, we ride the thin line of crossing over into overconfidence or unwarranted honesty. Without being politely picky we might lack direction through so many opportunities and potentials in our work, relationships, dreams, and difficult realities. This is why being politely picky also requires there to be limitations.
Generally, being a picky person takes the form of someone liking one type of item out of a category or liking life to be performed in a certain way. When being picky is filtered through the standards and limits of being politely picky, we are left with quicker results and a variation of ideas/concepts along the way. This is a helpful skill and tool to add to our toolkit to save us time, money, and energy. For example, let’s say we need to buy a birthday gift for a sibling so we search for a gift in an online store. While searching we can filter out various ranges within categories to find a more specific handful of results. This picky approach uses limitations to provide outcomes that are better than if there is a process filled with a great lack of care or direction. However, if we base our limitations on standards that are rotten then the end result will more likely than not be rotten as well.
Even if this happens in a politely picky process, the honesty and understanding aspects that are sent or received usually become reciprocated by those involved because of a mutual sense of respect. These respectful limitations allow any problems that arise to be turned into growing pains in order to achieve the end goal in the best way possible. Still, pickiness and being politely picky ride a fine line between being beneficial or harmful, so let us be cautious of potential opportunities for our polite pickiness to turn twisted.
If we exude overconfidence it speedily becomes prideful pickiness where we ignore others' input and disregard our standards. Our overconfidence or misunderstanding may produce business results at the cost of harming relationships, shattering our confidence, losing our understanding, and thus, disregarding our standards. If we remove our limits in our online search for birthday presents, with filters wildly chosen based on improper standards, we end up with a gift that most likely will fail. To receive a present we have no remote interest in is wildly uncomfortable and to give a gift only to realize our mistake in thought process and action can lead to embarrassment or dread. Being politely picky can prevent these situations because we have taken the time to invest in ourselves and listen to others. Without our standards and limitations to act within we are left with the opportunity to wonder what could have been.
The beauty of being politely picky is that, even with the best limitations and standards, life happens and things can still turn downhill, but any failure or potential regret can still be used as an opportunity to create better limits and standards by being politely picky. We need to be concise with our words and actions, and ready to own our mistakes whether we fail or succeed. Confidence in success means in failure being committed to taking responsibility for what happens. Politely picky people will show others generosity and genuine care in a way that will more likely be reciprocated no matter the result.
Being politely picky can even transfer into other areas of quality in our life by setting standards in the food we eat, the people we spend time with, the work we do, or how we view our time. Like the filter settings of an online store, if the filter settings are set right then the outcome will likely bear fruit. It is important to have the proper filters for being politely picky by showing honest confidence and self-awareness or understanding so that we don’t fall into the picky side of life which often causes bitterness and division. By being politely picky we hope that we all can decide to grow and change the areas of life that need it most by challenging ourselves no matter the difficulty of the challenge. In growth we all need tools, so why not try being politely picky for a change?
{Image from the first text spread}
[Read] Culture in Chaos
This brilliantly designed and executed read encapsulates some of the biggest trends in thinking and action that was happening leading up to the 2020 Covid-19 pandemic and our response to the chaos that is occurring. This is a fascinating read with a well-thought-out approach which makes it a must-read in considering what comes next.
Find the pdf {here}
If You Have Time to Spare
[+] Reminder: Find a way to use the mundane tasks of life as an opportunity to reset. Example: while doing dishes try breathing or gratitude techniques.
[+] Tyrus: “A free digital toolkit from Airbnb Design that helps freelance illustrators [and designers] optimize their business, so they have more time to focus on what they love.” {here}
[+] Pollen Midwest: A posting board with volunteer, job, internship, member, and action opportunities. {here}
[+] A photo of some Basil growing in a car {here}
Marum Resources:
[+] Are.na
By reading this article we hope you have the opportunity to have insight into something new in life. Thank you for reading!
Marum Studios: Sending Positive Message into Negative Spaces