It’s been three months since Matt took his life. The empty hole that his passing has left in my heart is still there but the worry and concern for his well-being and the questions about how he will continue in life no longer haunt me. Instead, there is a gentle peace and an enormous amount of love for him, wherever he is. I gaze at his beautiful face in my favorite photo of him and tell him every day just how much I love him and I tell him how much joy loving him continues to give me. I don’t know where that love comes from, but it fills my heart.
I took a nasty fall the other day. I may have broken a couple of ribs or not, but I was in a lot of pain for several days and was pretty much immobilized. It occurred to me, after several days of discomfort that my mood had not been darkened in the least by this inconvenience and I knew that was God’s Grace being poured out to me in my hour of need just as it had been after Matt died. I don’t pretend to understand who or what God is. The word “God” is all I have as a reference for the source of my life and the Love in my heart. But I do know His Son. I know that Jesus Christ, the son of God, became man, that he suffered and died on the cross for me so that I could ultimately know His Father. It is not possible for me to imagine the love God has for me. The mystery is too deep for a mere mortal to comprehend. This connection spans dimensions I know nothing about. It is impossible to grasp the depths of His Love, but my soul knows.
Since Matt’s death, temporal things no longer define me or give my life meaning. There is nothing left for me to do: No battles to fight, no issues to resolve, no one to fix, no mountains to climb, and no apologies to be made. It’s all about the soul’s journey now. It sounds odd to say that, but it is true. My life has no other meaning than to know, love and serve God. Now that I don’t have to worry about Matt anymore, I am free to let everything of this world fall into the noisy background. My only need is daily communion with my Lord. To serve Him means to do His will and, in practical terms, His will is for me is to Love and cherish Tom and take care of him and his needs and be there for those I love. My life is simple, and I want for nothing. What I receive in return for my daily chores is what I have always wanted all my life but didn’t know it; a heart filled with love and gratitude. Thank you, Father. The honor and glory is Yours.
Love your letter Mary my prayers that Matt hears what your thoughts are ❤️🩹 Cheri
Just read this one…. It’s full of peace.