Conversations on Despair and Hope
I pour some of frightening situations a human can ever encounter, at least for myself.
Hope is the best thing a human can ever have and faith is the best fuel a human can ever have to hold onto the hope every single day.
Hii, Buddy! How are you? Hope you're feeling okay. If not, I'll pray for your health and your goodness.
It's me from Artspace and today I want to talk about hoep and faith.
So, I just met again with my old friend from college time and we have been friends since I don't know. It was a short meeting, but I guess it's a crucial meeting for her.
“I feel so tired these days. If you could only see the pain in my heart right now, you'd be able to know how much guilt I carry on my shoulder every single day. Can you see my eyes? I really want to cry, but I can't” She said, taking a long breath afterward. I couldn't reply to her words, her agony was something I hadn't expected at the beginning of this conversation.
“How long have you been in this situation?” I asked with a cautious tone of voice, “A year, a full year.” she replied, “I respect your privacy, it must be very hard for you in this situation.” I touched her feet to soothe her anxiety.
“Well, then, what is your plan?”, I asked again.
“Nothing. The blame is on me. I should've not started this. Do you think I have a solution for the trouble I made? No, it feels like finding a needle in a haystack, impossible.” she said, looking at her phone and taking a deep breath again. “I don't deserve a relationship, I just don't” she concluded.
I gasped, and with a nerve I said, “Don't say that. You deserve a relationship, the better relationship ever.”
“No, you don't get my point,” she answered angrily. “I wish for a godly man, and I'm just a devil in a human body. I wish for generous man, and I'm just a gold digger who can't beat the poverty line. I wish for a mentally stable man, and I'm just unstable woman who seeks validation from anyone on the street. How come I deserve a relationship? I just add to their trauma. God really hide me so that no one would get hurt by my toxic trait.” she cried.
“I wish my dad were here. If he were here, I would ask about the sanity of a human, why men can easily attack women's weaknesses, and what kind of son-in-law he dreamed for his only daughter like me..” she added in desperation.
I froze in silence. I had never seen her agony like this.
“And you? What's up with your relationship?” she asked me, “Umm, there's a guy but I’m not really interested in him.” I replied with disinterestedly. She always did this, changing the gear of conversation to calm the heated situation. “Do you believe in marriage?” she asked again. “I believe it, because, commitment is something truly pure and worth of the price.” I replied again.
“Well, I don't. The definition of marriage you just said is too beautiful, I think it's only for people who are meant to be a husband and wife.” I took a deep breath and say, “Don't say that. You deserve a beautiful marriage. I believe that God has a better plan for your life, your future is something that can't be tracked with your today's failure.”
“I'm tired about God. He has close his eyes to me.” she said. “And how do you know that?” I inquired. “He abandoned me. He never gave a single thing I prayed for. Don't you see my tragedy right now? If only with His divine power, He could've canceled those things. and I would be still his devoted daughter.”
“Well, then, be His daughter again.”
“I can't. It's sad, but you know, I never feel satisfied with things I have and or are given to me. Lack of gratitude, I don't know. It feels like nothing is fit with what I need.”
“Fishes can never truly realize that they are already in the ocean. There's an old poet said that early heaven on the earth is acknowledging what you have right now.” I said. She fell in silence, probably, because my point wasn't something she expected. However, as a best friend, I will warn my besties for certain situations. I think, that's what best friends are meant to do.
“Look, I know, I know you're in a terrible situation right now. But, I'm not your friends like from random streets or random situations in life. I've known you for my whole life, you know? I wanna remind you about hope, please hold onto the hope like we always said in our college time. Hope is the best thing a human can ever have in their entire life, no matter their circumstances are.” I encouraged.
“Why are you so sure that hope is the best thing a human can have?”
“Because that's the secret recipe to tasting heaven in this broken world. You know, this world is already broken, hope will make us strong again. Please, don't give in to the situation, I'll pray that for you.”
“I'm afraid that everyone will leave me, that I'm not eligible for anything in this world. Why does everyone find shadow to hide from the sun, while at the same time they say they love the sun? Why does everyone use an umbrella to cover their head from raindrops, while at the same time they say they love the rain? I'm afraid that everyone will use the same excuses to hide from me, while at the same time they say they care about me. I can't be like the sun which gives a tons of light for human who rarely acknowledge its presence and to the worst, find excuses to hide from it.” She said.
I looked deep into her eyes and said “The rose has thorns, but human don’t make it as an excuse to touch and feel its beauty. People may find a shadow to hide from the sun, but they never try to hide their gratitude at every sunrise and every sunset, they express a true gratitude towards it. In the raindrops, they find calmness. They never make a real excuses to hide their love for things that deserve their love, no. Sometimes, we humans only see it from the scarcity and through our short emotion of something.”
I stopped for a moment.
“Your prayers may not be answered right now, but it doesn't mean God finds excuses to hide his love for you. You may ruin your life right, but it doesn't mean God has turned away His face from you. Then, why didn't God cancel the worst situation in your life? But, what if God truly want your attention from that situation and not make it as an excuses? What if, after all these years, it’s us who make the excuses after excuses?”
She gasped in tear.
“I know it's cliché to say. You have a future, and that's the hope you need to cling to.”
“How can I make sure that I can cling to that hope?” she asked.
“Through faith.” I sipped my iced tea.
“Faith is the best fuel to make us cling to the hope we wish for in our lives.”
The whole conversation here is fictional. The thought of this conversation arose after reading a short poem: "Just because you loved them, doesn't mean they felt loved." The anxiety kicks in so strongly that I feel compelled to explore more the situation further, potentially adding more dilemmas in life, at least for myself.
That’s a wrap for today, thank you for reading. If you find this article interesting, please share this with your best friends, your partner, or other important person in your life.
Regards,
Melva Bintang