Note: the following is an article I wrote two years ago for my cousin David’s website, hazeltreegroup.net. David has lived over 25 with bipolar disorder and posts about it regularly at his site. He is also a motivational mental health speaker. I have updated it a little, but I am posting here in response to a friend’s curiosity about how I stopped drinking1 and what motivated me to finally face up to my problem with alcohol. Many can’t or won’t until it is too late for them or their loved ones who must deal with their fallout. I hope this helps someone.
My name is James M. Fisher and I am an alcoholic.
As I write this, I have been sober for almost seven years. Not a drop. I have had opportunities to drink and have been mildly ridiculed for bringing non-alcoholic beer to a get-together. I needn't explain myself in such situations. I just recall how alcohol, no matter how pleasurable the taste of it was to me, was a coping mechanism, a crutch that gave a false sense of mental well-being instead of facing my issues with a clear mind.
"A coping mechanism is something that helps a person deal with something that is difficult for them. While all coping mechanisms provide the person using them with a real or perceived benefit, some coping mechanisms have more negative consequences associated with them. Unfortunately, alcohol is a coping mechanism the temporary benefits of which are often outweighed by the long-term negative effects on health and relationships, poor decision-making under the influence, as well as increased dependency." (Alcohol Use as a Coping Mechanism | Sandstone Care)
The death of a loved one is one of the most traumatic situations one will face in life, and while we know that we will have to face it throughout our lives, it is filled with grief, mourning and a sense of loss. These feelings may never go away. Some of that is normal; we will always miss the ones we love. However, if we do not seek the proper way(s) to grieve, these negative feelings will persist and we could make poor choices as to how to cope.
This is what happened to me back in 2012 when my wife and I made the difficult choice to put down our 14 ½-year-old beloved Dachshund, Ginger. Her health had been failing for some time. She was now deaf and was giving off a sense of being unwell. She was not a happy dog any longer. (I should add that my wife and I have no children by choice, so Ginger was our "baby" so to speak.)
It was not an easy euthanization. It was very traumatic to me, not to mention Ginger, but at least her trauma ended in a peaceful death. Mine lived on, and I cried for days whenever I thought about that moment when I had to leave her lifeless body behind at the veterinarian.
At first, alcohol was as it had always been for me: a relaxant at the end of the day. Then, I started to drink on my days off work. I was hiding bottles and insisting to my wife that I had not been drinking. I drank due to social anxiety as well, especially before any company came over, or we had to go somewhere. I would overindulge and could be an embarrassment. It was better to stay home and let my wife go alone. Of course, I would drink at home then.
Finally, one day, my wife discovered the hidden bottles and receipts in my coat pocket2. I had to admit to my problem. I vowed I was done with alcohol that day. I never relapsed, thankfully. I had my faith to help me, as well as the fact that I knew my will to kick the addiction was stronger than the addiction itself; it just took a good dose of shame and admitting to the problem that gave me the impetus I needed at the time.
Granted, there is no one "key" to overcoming an addiction, and sadly, many never do. The point I want to stress is that it often doesn't take much to trigger an addiction like alcoholism. For me, I was using it as a coping mechanism. Others may use drugs (prescription or recreational) or act out in other ways. The important thing is to seek treatment. Listen to loved ones if they urge you to get help. They will see a problem before you do.
It will be seven years of sobriety in June 2023. I don’t make a big deal out of my record of sobriety. It is something to be proud of, yes, but I keep such milestones between myself and those closest to me. I do, from time to time, encourage those who post such achievements publicly because they are looking for support. Or validation, I assume. That’s fine, it’s just not the way I roll. Your comments are welcome!
Why I kept them, I don't know. I would usually toss them in the garbage can outside the liquor store.
The slide into maladaptive dependency can be unremarkable, almost ordinary and it often hides in plain site for years. You describe it beautifully. And thank you for speaking about the devastation of losing a beloved animal. Too often this is minimized.
Again, I appreciate you sharing this.