Hello ♡,
I was driving my son home from an appointment - well actually from my third carpool that day, then to my son’s appointment, then to soccer practice for him, and home to the girls, with my husband out of the country. It’s a busy season. (but my mom thankfully made freezer meals so I’m feeling kind of relaxed).
My son and I honestly have a lot of fun in the car. There are a lot of jokes and a lot of speaking for dogs in dog voices, and all kinds of delightful randomness that no one said was possible with teens (it can be!).
We passed a man on a cut through neighborhood street with his helmet on and pedaling without any friction on his pedals - so just round and round fast. Now, I am going to tell on myself here and my lack of bike knowledge. Here is what I know: when I was little, we would “pump” the pedals really hard to huff it up a hill - standing straight up, legs burning, until we made it to the top. When I was a teen, I had a week long mountain bike phase (thank you mom and dad for that Christmas present mountain bike that still haunts me and hangs around!). When I was older I bought a used street bike for super cheap at college, and used it for like a week - yes, we still have it. ANYWAY - I learned that to pedal uphill, you don’t stand up and just muscle up the hill like I did as a kid - you put it on an easy gear (without much resistance) to pedal up the hill. But you still need to have some traction (feel free to correct me here true bikers, but you might ruin my metaphor.)
Back to this man. We drove by him and he seemed to have his bike on the easiest gear possible - his feet were going around rapidly. The only thing was - he wasn’t on a hill yet. It was pretty flat, so his easy gear was not very productive. It could look like he was metaphorically “spinning his wheels.” The road would became a hill soon, well sort of, like a baby hill. And so the consequence? It was like he was going nowhere, just pedaling fast without making much progress.
My son and I surveyed this man and said - “Oh no! He’s not moving!” Surely we said, “he will get up this baby hill.” But right then? It looked like he was pedaling in place.
And wow. I saw myself there.
Have you ever felt like that? Pedaling fast and going nowhere?
How many times did I need more traction or to be in a different gear than I was? How many times was it frankly just not possible to be in a different and more productive gear? There are so many seasons in our lives when we truly long for a more productive gear, but it frankly just isn’t possible. And true self care and self love is not shaming yourself for being in the wrong gear to get where you want to go - it is validating that this is the only gear possible right now - and just to keeping going. Put on your helmet, like this guy had, and keep pedaling.
My husband is now known among my close friends for his constant statement to me: “keep going.” (I’ve written about it before, but it bears repeating).
When I was doubting myself: keep going.
When I couldn’t get to the work I needed to do: keep going.
When I thought, “it’s all been said/done/written before”:keep going.
When I thought “actually this is all stupid, I give up": keep going.
The keep going was never a bypassing, invalidation of my feelings, it was a deep, unwavering belief in my potential.
And so, days away from turning this manuscript in that I’ve been working toward for years I want to say the same to you: Keep going. Not in a bypassing, invalidating way about what you are facing or feeling, but in an unwavering belief in you. Keep going.
When you get to the top of the hill and you start coasting down, that is all that anyone sees. But the real work is being in the wrong gear trying to make it up that hill, and it perhaps taking longer, or being harder, than you planned or anticipated.
Keep going.
I am rooting for you, whatever it is.
We may be on bikes that don’t fit well, or in the wrong gear, but we can keep going.
With you,
Monica
Booook News!
I think there is progress on my subtitle, and I am truly grateful for the openness to alllll my thoughts and iterations. It is so much to say (and not say) in just a few words. I am turning this manuscript in October 1, yes you did the math right, that’s like tomorrow. I am combing through it with a fine tooth comb, double checking citations, changing language - and engaging in my favorite hobby: complicating language. I am actually allergic to certain words and phrases that accompany books like mine, and so I am trying to allow all of the complexity that hopefully makes readers feel seen. I know I will fail at this (and it honestly grieves me deeply), but I am trying.
I cannot WAIT to share more with you, and you will be the first place I share news with. Thank you for sticking with me, and fueling my courage to keep going. I hope in one tiny way I can offer a moment of courage back to you. ❤️
You offer SOOOOOO many moments of courage to me and to so many readers, I think. You are always in the right gear with encouraging and supporting, so I want to say this to you with my heart, mind, and soul: Keep Going. Just Keep Going!
You can, you shall, you will prevail! ❤️
Wonderful news. It will be a gift to the world. Thank you for keeping going and encouraging us to do the same