Flattery Often Works - So Does Typing Up Your Essay!
Hi Mr Salles,
I am in year 10 sitting my English literature exam in just under two weeks. Please can you look at this practice exam question and perhaps mark it or give feedback to. I understand you are probably very busy at this time with millions of emails from very stressed teenagers- like me!
Feel free to use as an example if you want to.
The question: How was fear and bravery shown in 'Macbeth'?
The extract was Act 4 Scene 2 when Lady Macduff is speaking with Ross.
Thank you!!
P.S. never stop making videos because they have helped me go from a struggling grade 5 to a grade 7+!!!!!
The Essay
‘Macbeth’ is a cautionary tale set in 11th century Scotland. Shakespeare explores Macbeth as a tragic hero, whilst using characters like Banquo and Macduff as foils for his actions. Ultimately by the end of the play, Macbeth’s hamartia results in his hubris which leaves the audience feeling cathartic.
My Comments
That’s an ok thesis statement, but so what? It doesn’t:
Tell us Shakespeare’s viewpoint in presenting Macbeth’s hamartia this way, or why he wants a feeling of catharsis in his audience.
It doesn’t use the key words of the question - fear and bravery - so it is not really answering the question.
In act 1, we are introduced to Macbeth and Banquo by noblemen during conversation. The sergeant relays happenings in the war, explaining that Macbeth ‘unseamed’ his victims. This verb suggests here that Macbeth has immense skill. Shakespeare uses the idea of unseaming as it correlates to the menial housework of women during the 16th century. Like the repetition of a woman's job, this is second nature to him. Therefore implying a certain amount of ease to Macbeth's work despite brutally murdering his enemy. Although as an audience we have not been formally introduced to Macbeth we can infer that he is a character who follows traditional values; such as a ruthless persona in battle.
My Comments
This is an interesting interpretation of ‘unseamed’, so strong AO2 marks.
However, you are going to run out of time because you use too many words to say what you mean. Your main skill is going to be two say the same, with far fewer words.
To do this:
Chop out anything we don’t need to know for your interpretation.
Remove anything we already know from elsewhere in the essay.
Choose words which can replace a phrase.
Be as specific as possible.
For Example: Rewrite of that Paragraph
We first meet Macbeth in battle, when the sergeant tells us he ‘unseamed’ Macdonwald, which emphasises Macbeth’s skill as a warrior. This verb correlates with menial female skill in sewing, which implies how often Macbeth practises this sort of brutality. We can infer that he has developed a brave and ruthless persona in battle.
This is literally half the length, but includes all your brilliant ideas, and includes three extra words - Macdonwald, sewing and brave - to improve your context mark and directly use the words in the question. This is also an example of 4: being specific.
You should do this to each paragraph.
Macbeth and Banquo are viewed as equal. When they meet with King Duncan to discuss future plans with the war, Duncan states how he has ‘begun to plant thee’ when conversing with the two. The use of natural imagery with the verb ‘plant’ highlights how Macbeth and Banquo were given the same opportunity within the ranks but the outcome of this is in their hands. Macbeth appears to have an open-mind, acting within the interest of the crown, yet as the play continues we know this to be untrue; whereas Banquo acts with superego at all times. Only Banquo gave out a ‘harvest’ for Duncan whilst Macbeth did not. Macbeth’s hamartia only allows him to have a selfish ego. Duncan proudly takes responsibility for Banquo's greatness, even promoting him within the ranks to ‘noble’. Shakespeare used this quote here as a paraphrase from the bible. In the Jacobean era, society was devout Christian. The audience correlates this with the idea of Banquo not being able to sin, as within his society he is a respected noble man.
My Comments
The single word analysis and embedded quotations really works well for high AO2 marks.
The ego and superego idea is not really relevant to your argument here about responsibility to the crown, but the examiner will possibly like it.
After learning the prophecies from the witches, Macbeth becomes fearful over his relationship with Banquo. This is because Banquo's prophecy is that he will have a ‘long line of kings’. Shakespeare creates irony within this idea as his audience knows that Banquo cannot commit sin whilst in later events Macbeth does, showing how he is a much more violent character. And to contrast this, Banquo should be fearful of Macbeth. Although presenting as a brave character, Macbeth now has fearful tendencies when thinking about his best friend. Shakespeare chooses to give Banquo the prophecy of begetting kings instead of being king himself as for Banquo to be king it would imply Banquo having to commit regicide, which he simply cannot do.
Also, to give Macbeth jealousy. In act 3, we see Macbeth’s anagnorisis as he realises he has a ‘fruitless crown’ with no successor, hence at some point Banquo’s prophecy will become true. The adjective ‘fruitless’ conveys how Macbeth and Lady Macbeth have no children. We learn at some point that Lady Macbeth did give birth but due to complications at childbirth the baby died, but it also hindered the pair conceiving again. Macbeth expresses how he now views his efforts as worthless- with the country despising him yet also no heir- and he also confirms to the audience his fears with Banquo.
45 MINUTES
My Comments
Often student try to show off everything they know. There is no mark for this, unless you relate it back to the question. The paragraph from ‘also’ scores no marks, as it is not related to bravery or fear (though you could easily link it to fear).
In act 4, we see Macduff’s family talking with another nobleman Ross. Macduff has fled to Scotland to join a rebellion against Macbeth. During this point in the play, Macbeth has killed Banquo so Macduff now acts as a binary character to Macbeth. Shakespeare cleverly introduces Macduff much earlier in the play, therefore ensuring his audience does not react opposingly to the character because they would not know too much about him. By Macduff fleeing it shows confidence and bravery which Macbeth otherwise lacks. He is at his optimum confidence that he can defeat the king. Yet, Macduff is going to commit regicide also, but against Macbeth who is tyrannical and murderous. Shakespeare's Christian audience would not have related Macduff with committing treason as Macbeth was an unruly king who was never supposed to reign. Macduff killing the king is viewed as a gracious act which reinstates order within Scotland.
My Comments
There is a lot of showing off what you know in this paragraph, which doesn’t often link to Macduff’s bravery or fear.
I also completely disagree that Macduff shows bravery here - leaving his family behind is reckless, which is why Ross comes to warn Lady Macduff, and also why Shakespeare has them all slaughtered.
(An examiner won’t mark you down for disagreeing with you!)
To contrast the relationship between Macbeth and Lady Macbeth, Shakespeare uses bird imagery between the Macduff family as a symbol for bravery. Macduff is described to have ‘flown away’ by his wife who is not all too happy with this. His wife represents an idealistic wife during the Jacobean era. Shakespeare uses stereotypes to create the character of Lady Macduff. She later states that Macduff’s ‘flight was madness’ suggesting that she is not happy with his decision. Although she does not accept the tyrannical ruler- Macbeth- she does not want to lose her husband to him in battle. This ideology is very understandable (still in modern times) that many families whose men went to war would not want to lose their loved one in battle. Here Shakespeare explores how prominent figures in society still struggle with the proposition of war.
My Comments
Even though I disagree with this, it is well argued.
Far too many words to make your points!
Beware colloquial language - use the language of the expert by being specific rather than general. ‘Not too happy’ becomes ‘outraged at’.
I am delighted that you are dealing with the extract chronologically, rather than starting with it, as it means you can link it to your argument.
Macbeth’s jealousy of familial love and children leads to his hamartia. From the beginning of act 1 to the final moments of act 5, Shakespeare portrays Macbeth as a tragic hero, one whose lack of family leads to his downfall. By act 5, the audience feels a sense of pity for Macbeth as he sees all of his life destroyed. Lady Macbeth is dead, he will always be left with a ‘fruitless crown’.
My Comments
Great ideas, but not yet related to the question - bravery and fear.
In that last battle between Macbeth and Macduff, Macbeth appears over confident as he flippantly says, ‘thou closest labour’ during the fight. Macbeth projects himself this way as he is still under the illusion of the witches. He believes Macduff is wasting his effort as Macbeth is told ‘no man born of woman can harm’ him. This is until Macduff informs Macbeth that he was ‘untimely ripp’d’ when he was born, hence him not being born of a woman as he did not actually go down the birthing canal. Macbeth’s excessive pride is reflected on Macduff; although Shakespeare ensures that his audience does not hate Macduff the way they did Macbeth.
My Comments
Great ideas, but not yet related to the question - bravery and fear.
In his final moments Macbeth becomes fearful, not due to the fact he knows he will die, rather to what he has done and his memory he has left behind. He is insistent that he ‘will not yield’ as he would rather be remembered as a tyrant over ‘kissing Malcolm’s feet’. Shakespeare creates this ending as it reinforces the idea of serving the king; acting in the interests of the crown with superego at all times, and the punishment for treason. If Macbeth was portrayed as a character who was redeemed at the end then Shakespeare's play would have no purpose. Macbeth staying in the same state of mind teaches the audience the horrible consequences of practising supernatural teachings and committing the ultimate sin: regicide.
My Comments
This is a very strong paragraph as it relates to the question and to Shakespeare’s purpose. These ideas would have been excellent in your thesis statement at the start!
You also get high AO1 marks for writing about the ending, as that shows you are dealing with the whole text.
Overall within his play, Shakespeare presents emotions of fear as rational; excluding Macbeth who is a static character and has selfish fear. Similarly with the theme of bravery, Macbeth conveys how hubris can lead to becoming a tyrant.
My Comments
This is an interesting conclusion. Have you shown fear as rational? I’m not sure you have, or said why Shakespeare would want to do this.
It is also odd (but ok!) not to use the most obvious quotes:
I have almost forgot the taste of fears
Yet I do fear thy nature
Our fears in Banquo stick deep
For brave Macbeth (well he deserves that name)
Please can you write a thesis statement on how Shakespeare portrays inner conflict in Macbeth (character, not play). I tried but was told it was too ‘wide’ and I needed to narrow the focus.