How is War Presented in Exposure and One Other Poem in the Power and Conflict Anthology?
Exposure and Charge of the Light Brigade
This One Skill Stops You Writing Grade 7 Essays!
Here’s an essay from a grade 7 student, who is stuck on grade 5. He wrote to me:
Hello Mr Salles,
I have been watching your videos on poetry comparison in order to improve my essays. I am currently in year 10 studying power and conflict, and my essays are currently up to grade 5. I have watched your videos, and have written my essay comparing Exposure and Charge of the Light Brigade.
The question is: How is the reality of war conveyed in the Charge of the Light Brigade and in Exposure?
Can you please go through my essay and tell me what grade (1-9) it would get? Could you tell me how to improve to the next higher grade? I think that my essay is very long (1371 words) so can you please tell me how I can shorten my essay,(to preferably 700-800 words long) while still maintaining solid points, and the same level/grade?
Kind regards
What is the Cure?
Say more with fewer words.
How to Reduce It
1. Get rid of any repetition.
2. Get rid of words which don’t add anything new to the meaning – so getting rid of them leaves the meaning unchanged.
3. Begin sentences with the poet or the subject, so you can use a verb as soon as possible.
4. Use connectives to link ideas together.
The Original
In Charge of the Light Brigade, war is shown to be harsh. Tennyson does this through the use of biblical imagery. “Into the valley of death”. This shows that war is harsh, as the soldiers are shown to ride to their deaths, under the command of their generals.
48 words
Reduced Version
Tennyson portrays war as harsh in The Charge of the Light Brigade. The cruelty of their generals is portrayed with biblical imagery, as the cavalry are ordered to ride “Into the valley of death.”
34 words
The Original
The reason the Tennyson uses biblical imagery here, is because the primary audience was Christian, and therefore, using biblical imagery in a poem, would help Tennyson get his message across easier. The phrase “Into the valley of Death”, has negative connotations, and because it is from the bible, Tennyson may be trying to suggest that war is anti-Christian, to his primarily Christian audience.
63 words
Reduced Version
Tennyson’s Christian readership would realise that this biblical allusion suggests that the war is anti-Christian, because in the Psalm God protects the speaker in “the valley of death”, whereas in the poem the cavalry faces slaughter.
36 words
The Original
Owen shows the audience that war is not an act of honour, as the soldiers are needlessly and pointlessly dying. He does this through the repetition of the phrase “But nothing happens” at the end of most stanzas. This creates an anti-climax, which reflects how the soldiers are suffering while waiting for something to happen. However, after all that pain, nothing happens. This makes the soldier wonder if what they are doing is pointless, which creates a sense of nihilism. The repetition of “but nothing happens” also mirrors how repetitive the life of a soldier was, without any purpose at the end, which again emphasizes the sense of nihilism.
109 words
Reduced Version
Owen portrays the soldiers needlessly dying, so that death is repeatedly described without honour at the end of stanzas as “But nothing happens”. This anti-climax reflects the soldiers’ suffering, and implies their sense of nihilism. This repetition also mirrors the pointless repetitive of the soldiers’ pain, which also emphasises their nihilism.
51 words
We’ve reduced 220 words to 121 words. That means we can probably reduce the whole essay to 754 words. This is a reasonable target for all of my viewers! Give it a go.
To read 11 grade 9 essays on Power and Conflict, click here
How is War Presented in Exposure and One Other Poem in the Power and Conflict Anthology?
In Charge of the Light Brigade and Exposure, war is presented to be harsh, by both poets. However, Tennyson wrote Charge of the Light Brigade, in order to support patriotic propaganda, while Owen wrote Exposure as a protest against patriotism, portraying it as an illusion. Tennyson presents war as an act of honour, while Owen conveys the message that soldiers are dying needlessly and are not being remembered.
In Charge of the Light Brigade, war is shown to be harsh. Tennyson does this through the use of biblical imagery: “Into the valley of death”. This shows that war is harsh, as the soldiers are shown to ride to their deaths, under the command of their generals. The reason that Tennyson uses biblical imagery here, is because the primary audience was Christian, and therefore, using biblical imagery in a poem would help Tennyson get his message across easier. The phrase “Into the valley of Death” has negative connotations, and because it is from the bible, Tennyson may be trying to suggest that war is anti-Christian, to his primarily Christian audience.
Although Tennyson was the poet laureate, he wanted to get his own opinion about war across in this poem, and therefore wrote this poem to hint at war being wrong. Perhaps Tennyson was against the propaganda circulated by the government, and therefore wrote this poem as a veiled attack against it.
Owen also shows that war is harsh, through the use of natural imagery: “merciless iced east winds”. This phrase contains the personification of the “winds”. Owen personifies it as “merciless”, suggesting that nature itself is against the soldiers and will not hesitate to torture them with harsh weather. The harsh sibilance of the “s” sound depicts the sound of strong winds and further emphasizes how dangerous nature can be.
Through these methods, perhaps Owen wanted people to feel sympathy towards the soldiers, as Owen himself was a soldier, and had to travel in such conditions, during WW1. “East winds” is an example of biblical language, and is symbolic of a strong harsh wind. Because Owen’s primary audience consisted of Christians, Owen may have used biblical language in order to convince the audience that war is anti-Christian, and nature is rebelling against this anti-Christian act. This links to Owen’s purpose of portraying war to be harsh and to be wrong as well. Perhaps, Owen wanted to counter against the propaganda sent by the government, as he did not want other men to face the same fate as him. In conclusion, both poets show that war is wrong, and both also present it to be harsh.
However, Tennyson shows war as honourable, through the use of anti-rhymes. “…the soldier knew” and “…valley of Death”. The words “knew” and “death” are the only words at the end of each line in stanza two which do not rhyme. Tennyson did this in order for these words to stand out, and therefore emphasize how heroic the “six hundred” were while following orders, knowing that they will die. Tennyson chose to do this, as in the Victorian times, dying while protecting your country was seen as the peak of heroism, and he wanted society to acknowledge these heroes who died in order to protect their country. Through this, Tennyson may be praising the soldiers for being ready to give up their own lives in a charge that did not go as planned. This links to the poet’s purpose of appreciating the bravery of these soldiers and conveying the message that they are people of honour as they fought in the Crimean war.
Another interpretation of this structure may be critical of the general who “blunder’d” and indirectly caused the deaths of many soldiers, which makes the audience think that this poem contains a veiled attack towards the british general.
Owen shows the audience that war is not an act of honour, as the soldiers are needlessly and pointlessly dying. He does this through the repetition of the phrase “But nothing happens” at the end of most stanzas. This creates an anti-climax, which reflects how the soldiers are suffering while waiting for something to happen. However, after all that pain, “nothing happens”. This makes the soldier wonder if what they are doing is pointless, which creates a sense of nihilism. The repetition of “but nothing happens” also mirrors how repetitive the life of a soldier was, without any purpose at the end, which again emphasizes the sense of nihilism.
This links to one of Owen’s purposes of countering the propaganda circulated by the government, convincing men to join the army, by conveying the message that war is not an act of honour, as the pain and frustration that the soldiers endure does not lead to anything positive, such as remembrance of the soldier. Therefore we can conclude that Owen’s intended effect on the audience is the effect of deterring them from joining the army.
Tennyson presents war to be an act of honour, through the use of this poem’s form. Charge of the Light Brigade is written as a ballad. Since Tennyson wrote this poem in the form of a ballad, we can infer that he is celebrating this war. This is because ballads usually celebrate an event, by telling a story of what happened.
Charge of the Light Brigade is also a narrative, celebrating the bravery of the British soldiers who were in the Crimean war. Tennyson may have celebrated this, in order to put forward the message that suffering and dying in a war is honourable. Tennyson’s purpose may be to praise these soldiers and encourage more men to join the army, and also support the patriotic propaganda sent out by the government.
However, Tennyson may be celebrating the sacrifice of these soldiers, due to the fact that he was the poet laureate and had to support the views of the queen and the government, in order to stay as the poet laureate, meaning that Tennyson may have had different views about war.
Owen tries to show the audience that war is not an act of honour, and instead, the soldiers feel pointless, waiting for something to happen. He does this through the use of present tense. E.g. “We keep awake”, “Our brains ache”, “We watch them”.
Owen wanted people to feel sympathy for soldiers, and therefore made it very clear to them how harsh the natural environment was during the war, by writing in the present tense. Another reason why Owen used present-tense is to give the effect that the events of this poem are happening right now. Meaning that Owen wanted the audience to feel as if the war has still not ended, and the soldiers are still waiting for something to happen. The fact that the soldiers are still waiting for something to happen, creates a sense of nihilism, fulfilling Owen’s purpose of writing this poem. The reason why Owen chose to convey this message, is because he was against the propaganda being circulated by the government and did not want other men to join the army and suffer like him.
There are a few reasons why Owen may have chosen to write this poem in first person. Firstly, due to the fact that Owen was a soldier, and wrote this poem during the war. Through this, Owen wanted people to know the reality of war, and did not want them to support the propaganda being circulated by the government.
In conclusion, Owen is openly critical of the war and of the propaganda. He openly says that the job of a soldier in a war is difficult, and that it does not bring any honour, but brings nihilism. Tennyson also shows war to be harsh but says that the soldiers who fight are people of honour. However, even Tennyson may be hinting that war is wrong, and may have only written this poem to support the propaganda of the government, as he was the poet laureate.
In Charge of the Light Brigade, war is shown to be harsh. Tennyson does this through the use of biblical imagery. “Into the valley of death”. This shows that war is harsh, as the soldiers are shown to ride to their deaths, under the command of their generals.
What the Levels Mean
Level 6 : Convincing, critical analysis and exploration
Level 5 : Thoughtful, developed consideration
Level 4 : Clear understanding and explanation
Level 3 : Some explained, structured comments
Level 2 : Some supported, relevant comments
Level 1 : Simple, explicit comments
Make a decision - which level best describes this essay?
Does the student have ‘clear understanding’ of both poems? We would probably agree that he does.
Is it ‘thoughtful and developed’? This is trickier. Yes, it is definitely thoughtful. But how many thoughts or separate ideas? Many of the paragraphs simply repeat the same ideas.
So, overall, some teachers will argue it is Level 5, and others that it is only in Level 4. Let’s call it, on balance, a grade 7 essay then.
But it is 1371 words long! No way will he write this much in a 45 minute exam. He might manage 750 words, and that’s why he keeps getting grade 5.