I often get sent writing to look at. I always read it. Sometimes, I’m inspired to reply.
This one is typical.
Hi, could you please mark my description out of 40 for English language paper 1.
The Description
The girl was lost and terrified; her heart pounded ferociously in her chest like a frenetic drum. She had been traversing for what felt like hours- her feet ached and blistered she stumbled through the dense, verdant forest. The moon was hidden behind a thick veil of clouds, casting a shadowy pallor over the landscape and making it difficult to discern her surroundings.
My Commentary
It is a good idea to use a variety of punctuation straight away. This leads to a high AO6 mark.
Starting with a simile - like a frenetic drum; ending with a metaphor - a thick veil of clouds - both tell the examiner that you are using lots of descriptive techniques.
Then there is the double adjective - dense, verdant - is a nice touch.
But, this is ChatGPT. It is a large language model. That means, it decides on each new word by predicting what is most likely based on everything it has read. Not what word would be most original, or effective, but most common. This means that ChatGPT will always tend towards the average.
The simile and metaphor above? We’ve seen them dozens of times before, so we should avoid them. Poor Chat GPT works the opposite way - it deliberately looks for things it has seen lots of times before. This means everything will feel predictable. A cliche.
It includes words which are just there to show off, rather than actually describe. A shadow works, a pallor works, but a shadowy pallor is just like saying ‘a dark black’ - like, is there any other kind?
Senseless and bemused, she was lost, her thoughts swirling like a tumultuous whirlpool. She couldn't remember how she had ended up in this dire situation-her mind a blur of panic and confusion. She knew she had to keep moving but every step felt like an arduous uphill battle.
As she trudged through the underbrush, the girl couldn't shake the feeling that she was being watched. The rustling of leaves and snapping of twigs seemed to follow her, sending shivers of fear down her spine. She felt like a rabbit being stalked by a predator - her senses heightened and her fear mounting with each passing moment.
My Commentary
Notice the first paragraph repeats a similar structure - a simile with the whirlpool, the metaphor of the blur.
Now ChatGPT knows that it usually sees the senses used, so these are bunged in - the sound of snapping. And of course those predictable shivers, which are always of fear, and always felt down a spine.
The simile of a rabbit being hunted - so not new.
However, though boring and predictable, it is also ‘correct’. It isn’t full of mistakes. It includes lots of techniques. It has to earn marks, even though I don’t want to give them!
Finally after what felt like an interminable eternity, the girl saw a glimmer of light in the distance. She raced towards it, her breath coming in short, labored gasps. As she stumbled into a clearing, she collapsed onto the ground, her body trembling with relief.
She had made it out of the forest, alive and idyllic! The girl lay there for a moment, her heart slowly returning to its normal rhythm as she let out a deep sigh of relief. She had survived the darkness and all its perils and found her way back to the light...
My Commentary
ChatGPT mainly reads American texts. You know what optimists Americans are. Have a nice day! The American Dream. Everyone will succeed if they work hard. So, it nearly always tries to find a happy ending.
Another clue? It spells American. So the gasps are ‘labored’ rather than ‘laboured’.
266 words
Is it worth using ChatGPT?
Well, it gives you a start.
If you know it will always give you boring, predictable, but correct writing, then you know what to improve.
So, go ahead and improve it.
What mark would it get?
Read through the assessment criteria and decide:
AO5 Content and Organisation
Compelling, Convincing Communication 22-24 marks
1. Extensive and ambitious vocabulary
2. Sustained crafting of linguistic devices
3. Varied and inventive use of structural features
4. Fluently linked paragraphs
Convincing 19–21 marks
1-4 above, but not inventive and compelling
Consistent, Clear Communication 16-18 marks
1. Increasingly sophisticated vocabulary
2. A range of successful linguistic devices
3. Effective use of structural features
4. Paragraphs which make sense in the right order
Pick a mark!
My Commentary
It has everything in ‘consistent, clear communication’.
Is it convincing? Well, it has a bit of all of 1-5 in compelling. But, ‘not inventive and compelling’ is a perfect description of this piece.
Now, how long does it have to be to be to prove it is ‘consistent’? For me, I’d like 300 words.
So, let’s call it 16 marks out of 24: 67%. Not bad. That’s a grade 6. 17 is a grade 7.