How to Write a Top Grade Essay
(Using An Essay on How Poverty is Presented in A Christmas Carol) by Syed Uddin
You can read 7 grade 9 essays in my guide here:
Syed emailed me his essay to ask for help in getting grade 9. He clearly had all the knowledge about the text to do this, but he didn’t quite have all the skills needed to write the essay.
This is the main reason hard working students miss out - they know all the content, but they aren’t sure how to structure an essay. So, you should find this helpful. You’ll get an idea of how Syed works. But crucially, you can see how little advice you need to work on to get Grade 9.
Syed’s Email
Dear Mr Salles
I just wanted to contact you to see if you could mark my essay on how Dickens presents the effects of poverty in A Christmas Carol. I know you probably get many emails like this, and are probably tired of it by now, but I would be very grateful for any feedback you could give me, and how many marks it would score in a real exam (please be brutally honest). I've been watching your videos recently and they have definitely had a huge impact on my English analytic skills. I have been boosted from a grade 6 to a predicted 8, which I hope to improve to a 9.
Here is the essay. It is roughly 740 words long and took 50 minutes to write including planning and reading the extract provided.
The extract was from the end of Stave 3, when the children Ignorance and Want are described to the reader.
My Reply
Dear Syed,
You write concisely and very well. I’m sure you’ll get at least grade 8 for this.
Your second analysis of Ignorance is definitely grade 9.
Starting with the extract has stopped you having a convincing argument, as you don’t deal with the end of the novel and pretty much totally ignore Scrooge!
I hope this helps.
Mr Salles
Syed’s Reply
Thank you very much - always try to link with Scrooge, don't necessarily need to start with extract - got it!
Hi Mr Salles
Just thought I'd let you know the results of my mocks. Thanks to your videos and very helpful advice following my previous email, I managed to get 61/64 for paper 1 (we did not do paper 2 for these mocks). I scored 29/30 (+4/4 SPAG) for Macbeth and 28/30 for A Christmas Carol. That means I got a grade 9, and my score was the highest in my year.
Many thanks for your help.
Syed
(In a later email Syed wrote: P.S. I just found out that one student got 62/64, so I actually got the second highest score 🙁. But at least I have something to work towards and beat next time!)
An Essay on How Poverty is Presented in A Christmas Carol
In Dickens’ novella ‘A Christmas Carol’, poverty is one of the driving forces behind the events of the play. Dickens uses his novella in order to reveal the damaging effects of poverty and the suffering which it causes. In the extract, Dickens reveals the dehumanisation and evil caused by poverty.
(1) Ok, but why? What is the author’s purpose? A thesis statement needs 2 or 3 parts to it.
For instance, he describes the characters of Ignorance and Want as ‘yellow, meagre, ragged, scowling, wolfish’. This use of listing presents these characters as animal-like. In particular, the adjective ‘wolfish’ has connotations of brutality and violence. Through this, Dickens highlights the dehumanisation which is caused by their poverty.
(2) Great embedded quotations linked to the author’s purpose.
Not only this, but the two characters are described as having ‘devils’ which ‘lurked’ on their shoulders instead of ‘angels’. The religious image of ‘angels’ link to innocence and purity, which Dickens strongly believed that all children should be able to experience. However, this is subverted by the image of ‘devils’, which symbolise evil, corruption and potentially hatred. Perhaps, Dickens uses this metaphorical language in order to expose the loss of innocence caused by poverty, which Dickens was extremely concerned about at the time. Dickens could also be revealing the dehumanisation which is caused by poverty.
(2) Notice how context (AO3) about Christianity and Dickens’ beliefs about childhood are skilfully used to prove his interpretations (AO2). This context is also embedded, like the quotations.
(3) The more quotations or references to the text you use, the higher you get for (AO1)
The effects of poverty are also explored through the Cratchit family. Dickens does this through the contrasting atmospheres in Stave 4 and Stave 3. In Stave 3, Dickens makes use of personification in order to reveal the happiness and joy of the family. For example, the potatoes ‘knocked’ on the lid of the pot. Not only this, but the Cratchit kids ran around the house energetically after smelling the ‘goose’ which was being cooked.
(4) Although this is about poverty, it doesn’t say much about it. Also, it isn’t a sequence in an argument. It is a sudden jump. This is because the first point was also a sudden jump – if you wanted to write an essay about poverty, where would you start? With Scrooge, perhaps when Bella leaves him, or with his comments about prison and the workhouse. The easiest way is to work through any text chronologically.
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