This is an extract from Lee’s first chapter:
“My name’s Mark. But everyone calls me Rat. They call me Rat for a few reasons.
Firstly Brains. If you’re thick, you lose in this game. Especially in situations where you need to think quickly.
Secondly, I’m agile for my shape. I’m well-built. Not overweight, just stocky and with a little bit of a fat covering here and there.
It’s a known fact that Gladiators in Roman Times were fed fatty foods to ensure that they had a bit of a covering. It protected the important parts of the body from slash wounds. The fat gets it, not what’s underneath. And one day I might rely on that.
People underestimate me too, like rats. Rats are clever and when they’re cornered they’re savage too.
Lastly, I can sense danger. I just know it’s on the way sometimes. Maybe that’s what makes me most useful to our little group.
Sparky is to the left of me; El Pigface is to the right. Our line is straight. We walk at the same pace and no one is ahead of anyone. We’ve done it plenty of times before and we can see it’s unnerving them. They’re scared. Maybe we’ve beaten them already, even though they’ve got the numbers on their side.”
Appearances are Deceptive
Good writers don’t just tell you what a character looks like. Everything also tells you about their personality.
There are at least 10 things we discover about Rat, and we don’t even know what his face looks like, the colour of his eyes, his hair, all that other rubbish which helps you imagine a photograph.
Photographs are 2D.
Lee wants us to get a 3D picture, moving, full of action. We know a fight is coming. And we are pretty sure that Rat and his crew are going to win. Lee is writing for boys, I suppose, but I don’t mind that. I am a boy. But I know Lee, and I know he will have some tricks up his sleeve for girls too.
Here’s an Extract from the Fight
“To my left, I can see that Sparky is squaring up to their Top Boy now who doesn’t seem quite as confident as he was a few moments ago. Fair play to him though, he’s still giving it some with his mouth, probably to psyche himself up with only half of his mob still here to face what’s coming.
Sparky’s smiling at him, which seems to rile him. I keep an eye out just in case Sparky needs my help while they go at it. Their Top Boy is alright to be honest. He’s got a boxer’s stance now, which is different to the wide boy strut he was trying to intimidate us with before. He’s in a crouch; his legs are slightly bent and his feet are apart. He’s trying to land a punch on Sparky, but Sparky’s got his defence up and their boy’s just catching his arms or Sparky is easily dodging what he’s got to offer.
Then, without telegraphing his move, Sparky feints to the left and moves with speed to the right before sweeping this lad’s legs from underneath him.
The lad hits the floor. There’s a thud as his head cracks against the concrete and when his back meets the asphalt there is an exhalation of air as his lungs empty with shock.
There is a sound then that I can’t hear. I can see the funny shape of his mouth, but I remember the sound because it was so weird. As the air leaves his lungs and his lips flap, it sounds like a fart.
And this is where Sparky is so lethal. Before even this kid can open his eyes from the impact, Sparky is right over the top of him, pinning their Top Boy’s arms down with his weight. Within seconds Sparky opens a cut above his eye, re-sculpts the definition of this lad’s nose and tries to dislocate his jaw with his right knee.”
What you might notice
The matter of fact tone, which presents violence for these characters as normal.
The alliteration and consonance of harsh sounds which match the Top Boy’s head hitting the ground, so we can imagine the cracking.
The way time slows down as we focus on his expression.
The unexpected comedy of the sound of a fart, at the moment the Top Boy is being injured.
The lack of adverbs - adverbs slow down time, which doesn’t work with the mood of a fight.
Write Your Own Version
This kind of writing would have appealed to me as a 16 year old. I would have loved to write like this in my English exam.
I didn’t think I was allowed to. But you are!