The Problem With the Description Question
Every school, every teacher, tries to come up with a method which will help all their students get great marks in the description question.
This is because the description question is unnatural. Hardly any novelist will write a 400-500 word description.
Edexcel 2.0 refuses to set this question.
They ask you to write creatively. You could write a poem, or a series of linked shopping lists, or an epistolary novel, or a monologue, or the diary entry of a dead explorer, or the first words of the first animal taught to speak in 2058.
Or you could write something completely normal - something you would actually find in a novel which you have read.
The exam setters at AQA are too arrogant and complacent for this. They have now released videos suggesting that you have this method: memorise some descriptions in advance, some characters, and adapt them to the description.
I also offer variations of this advice, if you want to game the system, and just pass the exam. I have multiple videos on this. You’ve probably watched one.
Write Like an Author
But I also make videos teaching you to be a real writer. To enjoy writing. To develop skills for life.
And so I came up with a method which will do this. And will also apply equally to the narrative question.
It means this method will give you a brilliant story, or a brilliant description. You won’t have to change any part of it.
6 Camera Method
Take any scene.
Place 6 video cameras in it in different places, which will give you different perspectives.
You are going to make a movie. It will film the action for 10 seconds to 60 seconds.
This will give you all the brilliant detail for a description. If it is full of action, the examiner can never dismiss it as a story - because the events happen over a maximum of 60 seconds.
But, if you want to turn it into a story - give it an interesting ending.
The Film is Already Edited
There are 3 camera angles which you will alway have. The Zoom In for a close-up, the Zoom Out to get the whole scene, and the Motif, which is a detail which works as a symbol.
Here’s an example from a student:
1. Zoom out – the church
2. Motif – the bouquet – (bride in the Bentley section)
3. Zoom in – wedding guest or groom point of view?
4. Motif – bouquet again or something else?
5. Zoom out and slow motion – collapse of church roof and rescue; omniscient point of view
6. Motif - ? Repeat first line for circular structure
This was the student’s plan. It was sent to me by Becky, a paid subscriber.
As a Christmas present, I’ve offered paid subscribers the chance to send me some writing to mark. Happy Christmas Becky, and thanks for supporting my work!
The Student’s Story
“Write a story about a life-saving rescue”
Time paused. Nothing moved. Even her breathing stopped.
The church has stood for nearly one thousand years, ancient and worn, the solid stone walls mossy and damp. An array of gargoyles stand sentinel, silently watching from above. The rainbow-coloured stained-glass windows are glistening in the blinding sun. The giant slate roof looks untouched since its design all those centuries ago. The gargantuan, mahogany (wooden) doors creak as the vicar opens them forcefully.
Ten minutes earlier, a beautiful bride, her cheeks blushing peony pink, sat tucked away in a sparkling black Bentley. She fidgeted nervously with her freshly manicured nails as she stared out of the window, admiring the trees that swayed in the cool autumn breeze.
As she approached the looming, gothic church, the rainbow-coloured stained-glass windows shimmered in the rays of sunshine as though dancing. A gleaming smile swept across her cheeks. Her face glowed at the thought that in just ten minutes time, she would be getting married to the love of her life… but there was an ignorance of what was soon to come.
The pristine white bouquet lay on Monica's lap - its soft pale petals delicate to the touch. Monica traced the intricate details of the inter-lapping petals with her fingers; the rose heads were perfectly symmetrical, and the emerald stems with the piercing thorns were carefully wrapped in blush pink silk.
She pulled up to the church, gracefully stepping out of the chauffeured car. A wave of anxiety swept over her, bringing with it a sense of eeriness she felt she couldn't shake. In the cold, stone church, the exhausted new mother sits cradling her newborn. They are dressed in matching blue outfits; the mother in a flowing cyan dress and the baby in a denim co-ord. All is settled until the first shake - ever so slight - almost barely perceptible; the baby starts to cry, startling the mother, sending her into a frenzy of panic. She tries to hush the baby before the ceremony starts.
The group of bridesmaids, her closest friends, waited for Monica at the steps of the church as she composed herself. Dressed all in pink silk matching her perfectly made-up bouquet, already the girls were shedding tears of joy as they each privately reminisced upon the years of their friendship, culminating in this very day: her day. Monica suddenly glanced down to her left, something catching her eye. She saw discarded, shrivelled petals. She followed the trail with her eyes to the abandoned flowers, wilted and decaying, from a past wedding. She shuddered. Why was this making her think of death today of all days?
Disaster.
First, absolute silence. The day seems to hold its breath. Then she hears a low groaning sound; the ground seems to tremble underneath her. A spiral of grey dust slowly makes its way to the ground as fragments of stone dissipate in the air around her. The air is filled with an unfamiliar musty odour: ancient and stale. A distorted scream lingers in the distance. Then a deafening crash shocks her to her core. The single scream becomes a chorus and, like a stampede of buffalo, the wedding guests come rushing away from the wreckage.
Confusion and chaos. Panic-stricken, her eyes scan the distraught, dishevelled guests as they gather together seeking comfort from the trauma that has just unfolded. Monica desperately searches each blood drained face, trying to find the familiar features of Chandler. Suddenly an Earth-shattering realisation falls upon her.
The church roof had collapsed. With her future husband inside.
She looks in horror and dismay at the decimated building. Her pristine white bouquet falls to the floor and petals scatter. The once glistening glass windows are now as fragmented as her heart. The once fluffy clouds, now heavy and full, break and the rain weeps around her. Monica can’t comprehend what has just happened and moves timidly backwards away from all the dust; her eyes are icy with shock as she lets out a soul-piercing scream. Her adrenaline began to flow. She rushes over to where the rest of the guests and wedding party, who have been fortunate enough to escape, stand. Searching and scanning she feels her stomach turn. There is no sign of her fiancé. Panic sets in and she immediately goes into auto pilot. Not thinking of her own safety, she climbs and clambers over the rubble and starts digging through it to find him.
Her once white dress now black, she desperately shouts for Chandler. The rain falls like teardrops stinging Monica's eyes. Her , once placed so neatly, is now distressed and soaked; her mascara blinds her as it runs down her face. The sharp scratches and stabs from the destruction pierce her skin, making her wince, but nothing deters her from her mission. Her delicate hands are now rough and coarse as she scrambles impatiently, lifting and pushing what seem to her like huge boulders of stone. Her muscles ache and she became more and more agitated. Her breathing quickens as time races on and small dark thoughts start to develop at the back of her mind. 'Why haven't I found him yet? Where is he? What if he's dead?' She tries to shove the intrusions away.
However, as precious time slips from her, her hope is slowly evaporating.
What was supposed to be the happiest day of her life, the start of a new adventure, a carefully planned dream, is now an unbelievable nightmare.
Just as she almost abandons all hope, Monica hears the smallest voice. Softer than a whisper, she hears her name. A hand shoots out of the rubble and grasps for hers. She pulls at the hand and he emerges out of the rubble. He is badly injured, but they still embrace for what seems like an eternity. At last, the ambulances race into the car park, (their sirens blaring in a deafening manner).
A roar of commotion begins to surround the couple. Concerned family members rush over, demanding to know if the pair are all right, but all is blocked out by Monica. She can’t answer. Her breathing is rapid and shallow; cuts and bruises envelope her body, but her only priority is Chandler.
As they stumble over to the ambulances, she looks over her right shoulder at the now fallen church, destroyed along with her wedding-day dreams. The clouds have cleared, and the radiant golden sun dips below the horizon. She gasps as something white catches her eye.
Her bouquet lies resting perfectly untouched on the cold, cobblestone ground; not even a petal has been harmed. The ghostly flowers with the contrasting pop of pink silk have settled next to the surrounding ruination.
Time pauses. Nothing moves. Even her breathing stops…
The Story With My Comments
Time paused. Nothing moved. Even her breathing stopped.
I’m going to call the student Ingrid. There’s a lot going on in the Ingrid’s head, which is leads to competing demands. Her plan said, zoom out on the church. But she is also thinking about having a circular structure - so this line will work as both the ending and the beginning.
That’s smart. That’s at least ‘Varied and effective structural features’, and may turn out to be ‘inventive’.
The short sentences as a triplet certainly build a rhythm and tension too.
But, she is seeing the scene in the present tense, yet writing about the character in the past tense. This is a problem. It means this part of the answer falls down to the bottom of Level 3: ‘Tone, style and register are generally matched to purpose and audience’.
The church has stood for nearly one thousand years, ancient and worn, the solid stone walls mossy and damp. An array of gargoyles stand sentinel, silently watching from above. The rainbow-coloured stained-glass windows are glistening in the blinding sun. The giant slate roof looks untouched since its design all those centuries ago. The gargantuan, mahogany (wooden) doors creak as the vicar opens them forcefully.
Ok, if you can control the present tense, it is really effective. It means we experience the scene more immediately. But, as we’ve seen, it is high risk. Avoid it unless you know you won’t switch into the past tense.
It is a great bird’s eye view. The adjectives aren’t just peppered into it to prove that Ingrid is describing. She chooses them because they help us picture what we need to see.
We don’t need to be told that mahogany is wooden - this appears forced just to prove that Ingrid can use brackets. Don’t do that. Only add in extra information if we need it.
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