Reading this will help you write decent, but not spectacular description.
It will also show you how to train ChatGPT to give you a good first draft.
The list of vocabulary really can get you grades 8 and 9.
Prompt for ChatGPT
This is what I told it:
I am a student who is writing a 400 word description for a GCSE AQA exam question. I want to get full marks for the use of vocabulary.
I am predicting that the writing prompt will be any of these photographs: a crowded place in a city; a crowded place in nature; a solitary place in a city; a solitary place in nature; a close up of an old face; a close up of a young face; a form of transport; an extreme form of weather; the exterior of an unusual building; the interior of an unusual building; a pet and its owner.
Give me 20 interesting vocabulary choices that I could use to write a description for any of these prompts.
I need to use this vocabulary no matter what question and prompt is set in the exam.
Bustling - describing a crowded and lively place.
Serene - describing a peaceful and tranquil place.
Isolated - describing a place that is far away from civilization or other people.
Majestic - describing something grand and awe-inspiring.
Crumbling - describing something that is falling apart or in a state of disrepair.
Pristine - describing something that is immaculate and untouched.
Sprawling - describing a large and widespread area.
Torrential - describing heavy rain or rainfall in a downpour.
Unpredictable - describing something that is difficult to forecast or foresee.
Luminous - describing something that is bright or radiant.
Ornate - describing something that is highly decorated or embellished.
Intrepid - describing someone who is brave and fearless.
Arid - describing a dry and parched landscape.
Solitary - describing a place or person who is alone and secluded.
Exquisite - describing something that is delicate and refined.
Futuristic - describing something that looks like it is from the future.
Enchanting - describing something that is captivating and charming.
Opulent - describing something that is luxurious and lavish.
Meandering - describing a winding and twisting path or river.
Agile - describing someone or something that is quick and nimble.
This is a pretty good list.
Left to my own devices, I could easily come up with 20 words I liked. But if ChatGPT reads lots of descriptions about the settings I have given it, it ought to come up with a better list.
So, I am prepared to trust it.
Prompt for ChatGPT
Use all twenty words to describe a scene on a beach. Include colons and semi-colons, ellipsis and brackets. Have no more than two sentences of direct speech. Aim for about 400 words.
The sun was beginning to set over the secluded beach, casting a warm orange glow over the rugged rocks and pebbles. The sound of waves crashing onto the shore was soothing, and the smell of saltwater was refreshing.
In the distance, a solitary figure could be seen walking along the shore. They were wearing a long flowing skirt and a wide-brimmed hat, their arms outstretched as if embracing the beauty of the surroundings. The figure's movements were slow and deliberate, and their expression was one of peace and serenity.
As the figure approached, two young boys could be seen playing in the sand. They were building a sandcastle, their faces full of concentration as they meticulously placed each grain of sand. The older of the two boys was directing the younger one, his voice filled with enthusiasm and excitement.
"Okay, now we need to add some shells to the towers," the older boy said, pointing to the sandcastle. The younger boy nodded in agreement, and the two set off to search for the perfect shells.
In the distance, a group of teenagers could be seen surfing in the waves. They were laughing and joking, their energy contagious as they rode the waves with ease. One of the teenagers, a blonde-haired girl, caught sight of the figure walking along the shore and called out to her friends.
"Hey, check out the lady in the hat," she said, pointing in the figure's direction. "She looks so peaceful." The group watched as the figure continued to walk, her hat blowing in the wind.
As the sun began to dip below the horizon, a couple could be seen sitting on a blanket, their arms wrapped around each other. They were watching the sunset, their expressions filled with wonder and awe. The older of the two, a man with a rugged face and salt-and-pepper hair, turned to the woman and spoke in a soft voice.
"This is the most beautiful sunset I've ever seen," he said, his words laced with emotion. The woman smiled and leaned into him, her eyes still fixed on the horizon.
In the distance, a group of seagulls could be seen flying towards the shore, their cries piercing the calm of the evening. The figure in the hat turned and watched as the birds landed on the rocks, their wings outstretched as they basked in the last of the day's warmth.
The setting was a perfect blend of the tranquil and the vibrant, the young and the old, and the characters were a testament to the diversity of life on the beach. The natural beauty of the surroundings provided a sense of calm and tranquility, a respite from the hustle and bustle of everyday life.
My Commentary
ChatGPT is not automatically creative. It seems to struggle with all the instructions I have given it.
So, the range of punctuation is average, but totally accurate, which is rare. A lot of the vocabulary is very good. There is quite a bit of sentence variety. The metaphors slip in almost unnoticed - ‘characters were a testament’, ‘cries piercing the calm’, ‘salt and pepper hair’ and so on - predictable, but they still count.
Adding ‘ing’ to so many of the verbs slows the writing down unnecessarily. Get rid of those endings, and the pace feels more immediate and engaging.
The figure turns out to be irrelevant at the end, which means that the structure is weak, although the paragraphing is perfect.
The speech is also a bit of a distraction, so perhaps we could get rid of it.
So, I’m giving it a grade 7.
Prompt for ChatGPT
Rewrite this scene to include metaphorical imagery.
The sun hung in the sky like a glowing orb, casting its golden rays upon the secluded beach. The waves crashed onto the shore like a thunderous applause, and the saltwater air was a refreshing tonic for the soul.
A lone figure, draped in a flowing skirt and a wide-brimmed hat, wandered along the shore like a swan gracefully gliding on water. The figure's movements were slow and deliberate, as if every step was a carefully crafted dance move.
Two young boys, like architects of the sand, built a castle that stood tall like a mighty fortress, as if daring the sea to attempt to tear it down. The older of the two boys acted as a conductor, orchestrating the construction with a flourish of his hands.
In the distance, a group of teenagers surfed the waves like acrobats, each movement a well-choreographed dance. The blonde-haired girl among them watched the figure on the shore with the curiosity of a bird perched on a branch.
The couple on the blanket watched the sunset with the same awe as a child watching a magician perform a trick, their eyes fixed on the horizon like it held the secrets of the universe. The man's voice was like a gentle breeze that carried his words to the woman's ears.
The seagulls flew towards the shore like a squadron of planes, their cries like the roar of engines as they descended to land. The figure in the hat watched them with the same watchful gaze as a hawk hunting its prey.
The beach was a canvas of natural beauty, each element a brushstroke creating a masterpiece. It was a place where time stood still and worries were washed away with the tide. But beneath the surface of this idyllic scene, lay a darkness that threatened to engulf it all.
My Commentary
The imagery is overdone, so that it stops being appropriate to an audience. However, combining the two descriptions will teach you a lot about what works and what doesn’t.
Go through the italics and decide which ones work well. My votes are:
as if every step was a carefully crafted dance
acted as a conductor, orchestrating the construction with a flourish of his hands
like a squadron of planes, their cries like the roar of engines as they descended to land
Although only the middle one of these is particularly original, all three do a good job of helping us see the action in a visual, 3D way.
As for the rest, they are either cliche (where we have heard it all before), or they simply make no sense when linked to what they are describing - acrobats surfing waves? Surfers tumbling in the big top?
What mark would you give it?
Mark Scheme
AO5 Content and Organisation
Compelling, Convincing Communication 22-24 marks
1. Extensive and ambitious vocabulary
2. Sustained crafting of linguistic devices
3. Varied and inventive use of structural features
4. Fluently linked paragraphs
Convincing 19–21 marks
1-4 above, but not inventive and compelling
Consistent, Clear Communication 16-18 marks
1. Increasingly sophisticated vocabulary
2. A range of successful linguistic devices
3. Effective use of structural features
4. Paragraphs which make sense in the right order
Clear 13-15 marks
1-4 above, but not always consistent
Some Successful Communication 10-12 marks
1. Trying to use interesting vocabulary
2. Some use of linguistic devices
3. Some use of structural features
4. Some use of paragraphs
Attempts 7-9 marks
1-4 are attempted but are usually not successful
Simple, Limited Communication 4-6 marks
1. Simple vocabulary
2. Simple linguistic devices
3. Simple structure
4. Random paragraphs in the wrong order
Barely Communicates 1-3 marks
1. Does not use linguistic devices
2. Does not use paragraphs
3. Doesn’t have more than two ideas
My Verdict
For me it has all the characteristics of the 13 - 15. A grade 6. If you combined the best bits from both, it would be a grade 7/8, depending on the mood of the examiner.
In tomorrow’s paid post I will give you all 20 words in a grade 9 description / story.
In tomorrow’s paid post I will give you all 20 words in a grade 9 description / story.
Did you post this Mr Salles?