What to Learn from a Grade 9 Story
This is one of the many grade 9 stories and descriptions in in my guide. These are actually written in the exam, with the actual grades they received from a senior examiner.
Response 7
Parliament was chaotic. Government was almost suspended, and a lockdown was being considered.
Whitehall had vanished.
Mercifully, the timetabled motion had been about increased welfare for the disabled. Consequently parliament was virtually empty when the buildings disappeared.
The investigation was shambolic. The search was the equivalent of looking for Downing Street under a sofa – so there was no clear record of the identity of who had vanished.
What of the MPs who remain? Are they still sitting members of parliament if parliament has no seats? One MP suggested meeting on the green, but the presence of the news media put a stop to that. Rumours of a biased press.
Unsurprisingly, the papers were full of expert opinion about the disappearance. It seemed implausible that the whole of Whitehall had put on a zero gravity suit and jumped on a rocket to Mars. Many of the fatter MPs wouldn’t have found a suit to fit them. Some other explanation had to be on offer.
Citizens clicked their way across the web, in search of the back benches which had suddenly disapparated. How would the political parties engage in meaningful debate if they had to shout at each other from either side of Westminster bridge? Fortunately, not a single female MP had vanished, so many wondered if the country would be better off.
This morning, a new development occurred; dramatic news (considering what little had been known, a single footprint would have been a headline). Everyone of the missing was discovered in an Amazon fulfilment centre, in boxes marked “CHINA”.
That’s the breaking news. Architects have already begun to prepare new plans. And -
Hold on.
I’ve checked the view once more.
Parliament is back.
I’m running to it now. Some sign, some clue as to the disappearance has to be there. Something is stuck to the door. Let me see.
A card? How odd. Who had time to print a message?
Wait, what?
“Mars can do without you…
Love, Elon!”
387 words
A05 20
Original AO6 14 - this one has no mistakes, so would score 16.
This is a grade 9!
My Commentary
AO5
Writing should be fun. Humour is a great way to access top grades, so long as it is appropriate.
Although this student understands a lot about politics, the plot would work just as well if they had decided to get rid of any public building – Buckingham Palace, the stadium of your favourite football team (or the team you most dislike!) even AQA headquarters…
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