“You might as well answer the door, my child,
the truth is furiously knocking.” Lucille Clifton
How are you these days? How is your body holding up? The snow is gently falling outside my window and piano melodies are floating through my apartment. What is foremost in my mind is a thought that came to me while I was getting a massage recently. Massage has been a healing, self-care practice for me the past few years. While I am on the table I am unable to busy myself with the worries of others, work demands, my studies…for one hour I am left alone with the presence of my own thoughts. During this recent massage I had this thought “multitasking is killing me.” This might seem dramatic, but as I started to journey down this line of thinking tears filled my eyes.
multitasking saps me of strength.
In an American culture that rewards output and productivity, multitasking is absolutely normal. I find myself texting loved ones while I am watching a movie. I am listening to something while reading a book. I have been finding that though multitasking is necessary at times, I am overusing it. Therefore, fatigue has become an ever-present companion. As I divide my attention I notice the love I have for things is waning…including love for God and for myself. What do I hope to gain by multitasking so much?
“I know: there is someone waiting for me, who will not give me up, who goes ahead of me, who lifts me up, someone to whom I am important.” Juergen Moltmann
multitasking is beginning to erase my preciousness.
I should clarify. I don’t believe that multitasking is evil. Neither do I think that it is sinful. I know many Christians who engage in denouncing things that they personally don’t enjoy. What I mean is that *for me* multitasking has an element that begins to distance me from the truth that I am enough; that I am precious just as I am. As I divide my attention between a variety of things, even good things, I find that somehow I lose track of my own belovedness. I am trying to build habits and affirmations that remind me that being productive is not my end goal. I can’t be all things to all people, no matter how hard I try. One habit I am trying to build into my life is eating deliberately. Rather than always eating with a show playing or music, I am trying to eat and really slow down enough to enjoy what I am consuming. (I told ya’ll I think about food a lot…I want to enjoy it :)
As the leaves change, and as the flowers begin to fade, I am walking away from multitasking as a lifestyle. I want to be rooted in the people and activities that I can be fully present for. I don’t want to live my life hurrying from one thing to another. I am starting to build moments of respite into each day where I can ask myself “are you fully here right now?” I want to enjoy my life on this side of eternity. And when I can’t enjoy it I want to face it wholeheartedly.
“the lesson of the falling leaves
the leaves believe
such letting go is love
such love is faith
such faith is grace
such grace is god
i agree with the leaves”
Lucille Clifton
*Thank you all for the ways you engage with me and share my work. Some people’s work that help me in this journey would be
and *
I didn't even know you *could* eat a meal without watching TV. Big if true. I'm gonna try it.
Grateful for you, Robert.
I have so much food for thought from you this week. Thank you.