Capacity
The tendency to hold the world's suffering without understanding our capacity makes life more painful. Creating a new mental image can give you insight into reconciling this habitual struggle.
The tears seemed to flow down everyone's face when a participant said, "I am devastated by current events."
At that moment, I was reminded that there is a lot of suffering in the world, and as humans, we lack the capacity to hold it all. Processing my childhood and adulthood trauma became an invisible force pulling me towards healthcare, mindfulness, and inclusion. Despite having over 25 years of daily meditation practice, I found myself sad, upset, confused, irritated, and angry. Why? I asked. I meditate every day; why am I irritated? Am I doing something wrong? Aren't people who meditate supposed to be calm, peace-loving, and helpful?
The image above was created to explain the concept of capacity. It took me many conversations to understand that I wasn't 'wrong.' I was alone. I didn't understand how my isolation made my life harder because I no longer saw the places and parts where lives were intertwined.
As you look at the image, the second cup has rocks, representing the challenging aspects of life.
Dysthymia, a mild, persistent depression, has been a collective experience due to COVID-19. Personally, the pandemic created a hole in my capacity glass, draining my capacity. This is depicted in the third glass, with the contents flowing out.
When you look at the third glass, see two issues. The first is the glass has a hole in it. The second is having a chronic illness like diabetes may require you to fill up your cup more often.
Explore reconnecting with yourself.
My daughter asked, "Have you tried singing? That helps me." My friend said, "Do you want to meet for coffee?" A co-worker invited me to make greeting cards at the local library.
It wasn't one thing, but many things, and it included making a three-year commitment (in the form of a course) to deepen my understanding of racism/oppression. In a recent somatic abolitionist training I attended, Carlin, our facilitator, said regarding the Israel/Palestinian war, "This level of suffering is too much for anyone to bear." Her words landed hard because my white-body privilege assumed I could always bear any event if I tried. Amidst my peers, I could see how mistaken I had been.
When you consider your capacity, remember there are always rocks in the glass. Self-judgment doesn't make life easier. You are always holding on to things you can't see. You are not broken if you don’t have the capacity because of diabetes. Having a chronic illness is challenging. Being a kind, loving person trying their best is hard.
I am sharing a short video about empathy from Brené Brown, Ph.D. It offers a deep understanding of how empathy and connection are essential, especially when world or personal events have drained our capacity.