We’re approaching a year of Things I Like (!!!!), and it’s finally time we talk about the thing I like most of all... I’ve been sitting on this one for a couple months now. Enjoy <3
Welcome Islanders, hundreds (at least 20) of new bombshells are entering the villa!
You heard that right, season nine of my favorite show is now being released daily on hulu. Having watched the first few episodes last week thanks to twitch and vpn I can confirm that it’s very much a winter season. They’re scraping the bottom of the barrel… But what else do we have going?
So if you are a veteran of Love Island, march on! Enjoy! But if this is your first time in the Love Island Multiverse (aka the UK) read on.
Some might find this dramatic to say, but… I am constantly being approached by people asking how, where, and why they should watch Love Island. And as a self-proclaimed connoisseur and super fan of Love Island I’m happy to guide anyone along on this journey because there is a right way to watch this show and a wrong way.
Vocab you need to learn ASAP: Love Island Dictionary
How It Works
Day One (or Day Dot). Five girls show up to a stunnin’ villa in Majorca (during the winter they’re somewhere in South Africa) wearing the highest of heels and tiniest of bikinis. Their extensions flow in the wind as they almost fall out of brightly colored jeep wranglers. Then five geezers come in and pick which girl they want to couple with—without ever speaking to each other*.
*This is cringe. It’s problematic. But. As they say, it is what it is. They’ve explored other ways of doing the initial coupling, but no matter what, it always feels gross because it has to be 100% based on looks/first impressions.
Couples. Once a bird and a lad are coupled up, each pair will crack on, sleep in the same bed, do challenges together, etc. But. They’re also free to crack on with others. In the early days the couples don’t matter much because everyone is “open to getting to know everyone.”
Bombshells. Every couple of days the producers introduce a rocket into the villa. They walk slow motion into the villa and wreak havoc. Bombshells are specifically released in the quiet moments when the islanders begin to feel content. A majority of the most iconic islanders were bombshells.
“I got a text!” When the producers need to make an announcement, they’ll send out a text to whichever islander seems to be the most bored. Chaos ensues. Imagine, these people have literally nothing to do except talk to each other and lay by the pool. The chosen islander will scream, “I’ve got a text,” and all the other islanders will drop whatever they’re doing (usually napping or working out) and rush to their side to hear the text message read aloud (always a painful experience).
Recouplings. Once a week (sometimes twice), the islanders gather around the fire pit (the main stage for drama in the villa) and pick partners. Depending on the drama that has happened during the week, girls will pick boys or vice versa. This usually happens after a bombshell has been introduced, meaning there’s an odd number of girls or boys, which leaves the now single islanders at risk of being dumped from the island!
The Evolution of a Couple. As the season goes on the couples will evolve through a wide range of labels. They’ll go from cracking on, to only wanting to get to know each other, to announcing that their heads won’t turn for any new bombshell (different than only getting to know each other), to “falling,” to wondering if the other has thought about what life would be like for them on the outside, to exclusive (a reiteration of “my head won’t turn,” but more dramatic), to boyfriend and girlfriend (the equivalency of marriage in the villa).
The Public. Did you know that the show is released live? And that it’s on every single day for 6 to 8 weeks? And that it’s the most popular show in the UK? I’m not exaggerating. The villa is decked out with hundreds of cameras, and the editors are working around the clock to release episodes with a 24-48 hour turnaround. Give them all the awards. But. Because of the timeliness and the popularity, the people of the UK are heavily invested. And if we, Americans, know one thing about the UK it’s that they’re mean (anyone remember The Revolutionary War?). The press is ruthless (we don’t need to get into the Harry and Meghan of it all), and UK Twitter is worse. There is a very dark side to the earlier seasons of Love Island because of how things played out in the press while everyone was in the villa. I recommend looking it up after you watch it because it’s very sad.
All that to say... The public is engaged. They are obsessed, and throughout the series, the public will vote for who should leave the island, who the bombshells should take on dates, and eventually—who should win. Also fair to note that the producers have a heavy hand in allllll of this.
Challenges. I think I said it before, but the islanders have literally nothing to do. They aren’t allowed to write or draw or listen to music or sleep during the day. They’re expected to constantly be in swimsuits at the pool, talking to each other. All the time. Then as the sun begins to set, they’ll get all dolled up and have fake parties where they have to find even more things to say to each other. To break up their days producers force the islanders to take part in challenges. The challenges range from taking care of a robot baby to obstacle courses to sexy truth or dare to gross food competitions to dramatic challenges where islanders have to assign terrible press headlines to their other islanders. There are no prizes, but there is always a forced sexy element.
Casa Amor. The Super Bowl of Love Island. The main event. The Ultimate Relationship test. As we approach ~60% way through the season, we’ll have a few solid couples, maybe one or two of them are exclusive, a few rocky couples, and a few friendship couples. Under the guise of a Lad’s Holiday or a Girl’s Day Out the islanders are separated, and one group is taken to a different villa down the road called “Casa Amor.” Then the different villas are introduced to a brand new cast of bombshells handpicked by production to turn heads.
Did you just get chills? I just got chills.
They spend a WHOLE WEEK with this new group of islanders. They basically start Love Island over without coupling up. The islanders crack on, do (sexy) challenges, decide on their sleeping arrangements, sometimes kiss 👀, etc. After the week, the two villas reunite, and there’s a recoupling. This is the most important recoupling because each original islander has to decide if they want to stay in with their original partner OR couple up with someone they met in Casa Amor. If they decide to couple up with someone from Casa Amor but their original partner doesn’t, that leaves the single person at risk of being dumped from the island.
Yea. It’s insane. :)
Movie Night. After Casa, we’re in the home stretch and it tends to get a bit boring. There is only so many relationship tests a group of 20somethings can take before they start to crack. So the producers wait, like lions stalking their prey, until the islanders have bounced back from the Casa Amor fallout and throw them a special movie night. The islanders are shown clips from the show that are taken out of context and designed to test our couples. It’s ruthless. It’s mean. It’s sometimes hard to watch. But wow, do they lose it.
The Talent Show. After the drama from Movie Night settles and the islanders realize they’re still jailed for two more weeks they’re given a reprieve in the form of alcohol and instruments. It is a talent show with no talent. But you will cry laughing. Guaranteed.
Meet The Parents. And FINALLY, against all odds, we make it to the last week. The couples have one last “challenge” before the finale. Meeting the parents. Their first taste of “the outside.” Of course, it’s very dramatic because the families have been on the outside watching live with the rest of the UK and seeing the discourse while the islanders know very little of how they’re being perceived.
Finale. The remaining couples have to give cringe speeches, there’s a live public vote, and then the couple who wins gets the option to keep the money or steal it. No one has stolen it…yet… I also won’t lie to you, it really does not matter who wins. They only get 50k. I honestly forget a majority of the winners.
How To Watch
To reiterate, there is a right and a wrong way to watch this show. You’re giving up 60-70 hours of your life, you don’t want to waste it on a bad season. This is the order I always recommend for newbies:
Season 3 (Hulu). This is the first season they got right. It’s the OG. Many producers have tried to replicate this season, but it can’t be done. It can’t. Before the influencers, before the ban on smoking, before the limit on alcohol, before the Dyson Hair Wrap sponsorship the best reality tv producers would just throw random hot people together and hope for the best. This season has it all. A smoking couch, dicksand, bromances, fights about feminism, drama, the Blazing Squad, tears, TRUE LOVE, ruthless public tweet reveals, intrigue, “I’m sat,” Prince Harry’s ex-girlfriend, a rapping duo, the introduction of the white skinny jean…I could go on.
Season 5 (Hulu). Personally, this is my favorite season. It’s my comfort rewatch. Yes, this is the Molly Mae and Tommy season.
Australia Season 4 (Hulu). Australia is a great gateway drug. It’s shorter and has great vibes, but is missing key details like Casa Amor and Movie Night.
Season 8 (Hulu). The most recent summer season. A production dream. Will never be recreated.
Season 4 (Hulu). A solid season. Justice for Hayley.
Every other season can be watched whenever. Season 1 is weird. Season 2 is ok. Seasons 6 and 7 are filled with influencers who are so obviously trying to recreate Season 5, but have some amazingly hilarious moments.
Don’t even bring up Love Island US in my presence.
Honestly, I’ve just convinced myself to rewatch season 3. Hope you do too!!!!!!!
movie night ⚰️⚰️⚰️ brb going to rewatch season 3
Ovie brought me back to life