Just over a year ago, we moved to a new state with our asthmatic cat, Ember, and her older, hissier (and nearsighted) sister, Ella. In case it hasn’t been clear in past posts, these cats are the center of our universe (and I have 13 years of very detailed health records, charts, and journals to prove it).
In Columbus, we had the greatest veterinarians to ever walk the Earth. I am going to name them by name: Dr. June Huff (who is also a children’s book author and BookNook maker) and Dr. Aubrey Birkhead, both of Healthy Pets of Lewis Center. These are two of the most amazing and wonderful people I have ever met, and they were responsible for saving little Ember’s life when her asthma bordered on debilitating. In addition, they always took exceptional care of Ella even though her in office demeanor sometimes made “tests” challenging. Both of these vets appreciated and accepted Ella’s “difficult” personality, going so far as to describe her as a “grump” in her official medical record, and including comments like “her heart sounds fine, at least what I could hear over the hissing.”
Ella is not a bad cat. She’s actually very sweet, affectionate, and really smart. She is always able to figure out how to open doors or cabinets, sneaks around like a ninja to get into forbidden areas while the humans aren’t looking, once used her own sister as a stepladder, and if you gaze into her beautiful gold eyes, you can see the tiny wheels turning in her head when she is trying to figure out a complicated problem.
She is difficult with people in non-home court settings because she doesn't like change, or disruptions to her routine.
A lot of people are like this too.
And because of their own insecurities, or desire to keep things running their way, they try to create fear in others. They try to intimidate with the goal of changing the situation or maintaining their surroundings in a way that they are most comfortable.
Sometimes, we even do it to ourselves. Maybe we want to go back to school, but are afraid we are too old…or too dumb. Maybe we want to write a book or make a movie, but are afraid that it won’t be very good. Maybe we want to change careers, or start a company, but are afraid to take the leap. Maybe we realize a relationship has run its course, but are afraid to be alone. Or maybe we want to embark on a grand life-changing adventure, but are afraid that we will fail spectacularly.
As I was searching for a new vet in my adopted hometown, one of the things I found myself repeating with each call was that I needed a vet and techs that were comfortable being the “alpha cat.” Meaning, I needed them to be confident with Ella, trust that she would never bite or scratch regardless of what she says, manhandle her without hesitation, and generally disregard her very vocal protests. And it worked! The vet that I was able to find (mind you, it was attempt #3) and her staff understood exactly what I meant. The vet tech entered the room like Johnny Cash and said, “Hello spicy little mama! I have a spicy little mama at home too - and she has giant red checkmarks next to her name everywhere she goes.” Ella hissed and showed every tooth in her mouth. The tech laughed and told Ella how beautiful she is while abruptly grabbing her by the scruff of her neck. This woman took control of the situation by owning the room. Ella took one look at her, gulped, and became the sweet little angel we know her to be. And I was more relaxed too because I knew that Ella was in great hands.
So, with this story about my beloved cat, Ella, we arrive at the purpose of this letter. In addition to health, happiness, and a restful holiday break, my wish for all of you is this: I wish for you to be the alpha cat: have the bravery to invest in yourself and do the most scary things, the confidence to “own” the room, the boldness to not let the bullies and the nonbelievers that you encounter change how you feel about a situation or yourself, and the fearlessness to bet on YOU every time.
Happy holidays!