Remember the GoGo’s song, Girl of 100 Lists? I was that girl, even in 1982 (when the album that contained this gem, Vacation, came out). And yes, I AM one of those people who writes things on a list just so I can check them off.
Being a total list fanatic, I love this time of year. I look forward to all the lists that come out in December, even the “high brow” ones written by people who would never dare to read some of the delightful “airport bookstore fiction” that I enjoy. Last week, Obama released his favorite books, movies, and music list. Every year when his recommendations come out, I start to wonder what I have been doing with my life, and how I did not read or even hear about some of the artists he includes…and then, I read a little further and wonder how on Earth he could possibly have enjoyed some of his picks. Should I call Michelle for answers? Are the writers or directors personal friends of his (cough cough The Fabelmans)?1
Even more than “best of” lists, what I crave most at year end, and what I wish people would put out, is a list of the most overrated, overhyped books of the year. For me, these are the books that I put on a very special shelf in Goodreads….the “Books I Quit Trying To Read” shelf. I recommend that everyone have such a shelf, because life is too short to read books that don’t entertain or move you…even if everyone else thinks they are great.
Quitting is not how I was raised. I was taught to finish what I start, even books that I did not like. I was once forced to finish Runaway Home (a “kid friendly” road trip book that was somehow more depressing than Grapes of Wrath) and How Green Was My Valley (because what kid doesn’t want to put down their Batman comic to read about Welsh miners in the 1930s). I was also taught that the best thing to do when you catch a mouse in your house is take it to the library and drop it off in the bushes, so you be the judge of the parental wisdom in my household. (Note, scroll to the bottom of page 2 of the prior link for the full story of how Wapakoneta, Ohio has the most literate mice in the universe).
Regardless of the “finish it” lessons from my childhood, here are some of the books that I quit reading this year, mostly to quell the overwhelming desire to stab myself in the eye with a ballpoint pen.
Our Missing Hearts by Celeste Ng. I loved her other books, so please read one of those books instead. This one appeared on at least 10 other highly credible “best of” lists. The mind reels at how this could occur.
Wrong Place, Wrong Time by Gillian McAllister. A Reese Witherspoon book club pick for August. Time goes backward in this one, as it did for me reading this book – kind of like in Risky Business when Joel is sitting in a high school classroom waiting to be released and the clock ticks backward.
Hamnet by Maggie O’Farrell. And I even like Shakespeare! So don’t assume that is the reason. This was on a lot of “Best of” lists when it came out in 2020. I am desperate to find a book club in Knoxville and was going to read it so that I could join one that happened to select it this past summer…but no one needs new friends or a new book club enough for this.
Matrix by Lauren Groff. Obama picked this as one of his favorite books in 2021. See above – calling Michelle.
The Sentence by Louise Erdrich. I love ghost stories, but I only made it to page 10 in this one. If I could conjure up a ghost to return the 5 minutes I spent reading this book, I would.
The Lincoln Highway by Amor Towles. According to GoodReads, I read 20% of this one. It was so boring that I don’t remember anything about it other than I wanted the pain to end. According to Amazon, it is a New York Times Notable Book, and Chosen by Oprah Daily, Time, NPR, The Washington Post, Bill Gates and Obama as a Best Book of the Year. I have no explanation for this.
Great Circle by Maggie Shipstead. I read HALF of this one, thinking it was going to suddenly get better because it was on nearly every booklist in existence in 2021. Save yourself. If you really want to read about flying around the North Pole, anything that references “Santa” would be better.
As an honorable mention (maybe I should have a list called “I Didn’t Even Try”), Obama and many others love Emily St. John Mandel’s The Sea of Tranquility, which I assume I would have included on my “unreadable” list because that is where every book I have read of hers would be. I once suggested The Glass Hotel for a book club, and I seriously worried that it had permanently damaged my friendships with the people in that club when everyone, including me, hated it. Sadly, this is not even the worst “book crime” I have committed. More on that heinous act later, in the footnotes, because I am too mortified to include it here.2
And, as honorable mention, here are a few books that I finished (or “hate read” to the end), and afterward wished I had spent the time cleaning the litter box instead.
Verity by Colleen Hoover. I actually like Colleen Hoover books, like much of TikTok, but not this one. I kept waiting for the Scooby Doo gang to show up in the Mystery Machine because it is THAT kind of mystery.
The Christie Affair by Nina de Gramont. Zzzzzz. Oh wait, that was my head hitting the keyboard. I also thought this would get better, it did not. But everyone else seems to love it.
The Judge’s List by John Grisham. This is what happens when writing becomes an assembly line and not art.
Her Last Affair by John Searles. It pains me to include this because I love John Searles. I even met him once, and totally embarrassed myself by acting like a deranged fangirl. I hope he is not a subscriber. I suspect this also disqualifies me from ever serving as the President of his fan club.
And before you think that I am like Mikey from the Life commercials, there ARE books that I like (and even love) from the year. Please note before you start judging, I read for entertainment. I have also not run a country, yet. If you read to dramatically enhance your intellect, want recommendations exclusively from world leaders, or are a member of some group that believes it is the next Algonquin Round Table, you are on your own.
Tomorrow, and Tomorrow, and Tomorrow by Gabrielle Zevin. According to LitHub, this book was one of only three that appeared on 14 prestigious “best of” lists. Get a box of Kleenex, and get lost in the world where art and video games collide, and where broken friendships feel like real life broken friendships. If you read only one book in 2023, read this one. It will wreck you - in a very good way - and is one of my all time faves.
Carrie Soto is Back by Taylor Jenkins Reid. You can’t go wrong when you see TJR's name. This one is about tennis, so I did not have high hopes because tennis is a sport and shockingly, I was one of those kids who spent most of my athletic career pointing out how “that cloud looks like a rabbit” and then getting yelled at by teammates for not catching, hitting, or kicking something of great importance to them.3 However, the theme applies to everything in life: your only real competitor in life and the only one that can drive real growth is you.
The Lies I Tell by Julie Clark. John Grisham should get off the assembly line, call Julie Clark, and ask her to help him go back to writing books like this.
Counterfeit by Kirstin Chen. This is a fascinating look at fashion counterfeiting, and the precarious nature of friendship. As an added bonus, you can even learn some intellectual property law while being completely entertained, which is more than I can say for law school.
Book Lovers by Emily Henry. It has a dynamic between the main characters that reminded me of Moonlighting (a show that I would argue had some of the greatest love/hate dialogue in history).
Apples Never Fall by Liane Moriarty. I find her books hit or miss, but this one was really good. And it doesn’t take place at a wellness retreat, which should never, ever, be the setting for anything in life or in fiction.
The Soulmate Equation by Christina Lauren. Clever and heartwarming, with math (as recommended by the mathlete, because when you can’t compete in sports, you CAN compete in math).
Night Road by Kristin Hannah. Another author that does not miss. If you haven’t read them and like historical fiction, check out the Four Winds and The Nightingale too. No jokes, just really good stories that even the Cat Daddy of our household enjoys.
Honor by Thrity Umrigar. Reese and I agree on this one.
It Ends With Us by Colleen Hoover. This is what caused me to read Verity, so really I blame it for that torture. But it was still worth it.
And some honorable mentions (4 stars, not 5) reads from this year include:
Lessons in Chemistry by Bonnie Garmus. A chemist fights oppressive sexism in academia in the 1950s. And it was written by an “overnight success” who published this, her first book, in her 60s after many failed attempts. Who doesn’t love a “don’t give up” story like that?
Remarkably Bright Creatures by Shelby Van Pelt. It felt like My Octopus Teacher, so I read each page with immense trepidation and dread that the octopus was going to die here too. Had I been more relaxed, it would probably be in the 5 star list.
Meant to Be by Emily Giffin. Obviously written by someone else who spent days watching John F. Kennedy Jr. crash coverage believing that he would be found floating on a suitcase in the Atlantic looking a little disheveled. I have never recovered, and apparently neither has she. And, just like the octopus stories above, this one would have probably been on the 5 star list but for the sheer dread element.
Two Nights in Lisbon by Chris Pavone. Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. Like a roller coaster that doesn’t make you vomit, or wonder who else has vomited in the seat before you.
The Candy House by Jennifer Egan. I would love to see this woman’s character maps, as they are more complicated than Game of Thrones. Also, this is a sequel of sorts. It doesn’t hold a candle to its Pulitzer Prize winning predecessor, A Visit from the Goon Squad, but is still worth reading. After Goon Squad.
Modern Lovers by Emma Straub. This is basically a fictional account of why I don’t have children.
The Stationery Shop by Marjan Kamali. This book contains serious subject matter, but I also feel like the male human that lives in this house (and primarily attends to the whims of Ella and Ember) would like me to take the following lesson from it: bring your cell phone, and keep it turned on. (He also tried, unsuccessfully, to make this a New Year’s resolution for me.) There are no cell phones in 1950s Iran where this book takes place, but suffice it to say, really bad things can happen when people do not have a way to contact each other when plans change.
One Italian Summer by Rebecca Serle. She also wrote In Five Years, which was a favorite of mine in 2020. And, if you can’t afford to go to Italy, you could just read One Italian Summer and watch White Lotus Season 2 (added bonus, neither will require you to sit next to a toddler or an angry purse dog, unless they are in your family and on the sofa with you, in which case you probably love the toddler and/or said dog).
This Time Tomorrow by Emma Straub. Proof that trends in books really do exist. Time travel. Again. As an added plus, they do not commit outrageous and completely unacknowledged insider trading, unlike another time travel book on this list.
Funny You Should Ask by Elissa Sussman. If cotton candy were a book, this would have a stick in the middle of it.
Love and Other Words by Christina Lauren. More long lost friends, and a nifty book reading closet that I would like to have now. It seems a lot more attainable than the giant magical library in Beauty and the Beast. As a sidebar, this is the point where you should probably feel really sorry for our realtor who received the following instructions: “I’d like the library from Beauty and the Beast, the kitchen from It’s Complicated, the office from Something’s Gotta Give, the garage from Dark Knight, and a swank cat ‘meow shack.’ Turnkey of course, and within our budget. Is that too much to ask?”
And, with this, PrepOverCoffee wraps up its first calendar year. Thank you all for your continued support, for sharing articles with friends, your comments, and your encouragement. It has been a blast, and I hope we can continue growing the community for years to come.
Stay tuned: next week we will be returning to regular programming (aka business topics).
I don’t know where I’m going from here, but I promise it won’t be boring. -David Bowie
Until then, have a safe, fun, and restful holiday, and a very Happy New Year…and, in the words of Thoreau, “Go confidently in the direction of your dreams.”4
Disagree with the opinions above? Share a comment!
Of note, related to movies, Obama and I do agree on Emily the Criminal, A Hero, and Top Gun: Maverick (which made my little Gen-X heart go pitter patter).
Once upon a time, Obama, Bill Gates, and my old boss recommended SevenEves. It started out great, and I thought I loved it. But I made the very rookie mistake of recommending this one to a friend before I finished it (I think I was only about 30% through when I “dropped the ball” and made the recommendation). About halfway through the book, the wheels completely fell off. It was an unmitigated dumpster fire and I simply could not finish it. I am not sure anyone (except my friend) has actually read it all the way through. In fact, I could barely even look at it on the shelf, and when I donated it to the local library book sale, I put a nice warning on a Post-It note inside the cover. If there were book jail, I would surely be in it for this, though I think the author should be there too. And to that friend, who is also a member of this community, I continue to apologize from the bottom of my heart.
…and I have two left feet. I was on the high school tennis team only because I was tall. I just stood there by the net, hitting the balls that the smaller girls couldn’t reach. If it passed me at the net, I had no other role to play because once running while concurrently trying to do any other thing was needed, I was not an asset to the team. I was also on the first ever co-ed soccer team in Wapakoneta (the town of the very well-read mice mentioned previously), where I often kicked the ball into the wrong goal and always made the local paper because of my very “interesting” style of running. If I were to write an autobiography, it would probably be called “My Parents Were Too Embarassed To Come To My Games: My Life As a Sports Failure.” Or maybe, “Do You Have Some Papers I Could Grade Instead of Going Out At Recess?”
Or, in the words printed on a lot of t-shirts and those folksy signs from HomeGoods, BE THE PERSON YOUR CAT THINKS YOU ARE.