Will the “mid-life” label ever go away? Isn’t it all just life?
And how to navigate your career timeline at any age
I tend to do a lot of things late, like going to law school at 35 and learning the piano at 49. It’s probably all in rebellion against starting Kindergarten early, which I did (at 4) mainly because my mom was tired of answering my endless barrage of questions and thought it would be fun to unleash me in all of my energetic glory on an underpaid and overworked teacher. The most shocking thing about this wasn’t that I started early, it was that my teacher encouraged me to lie about my age when we celebrated my October birthday in class. She was afraid that the other kids would make fun of me for being a year younger than them. I didn’t realize it then, but I was being set up for a lifetime of being defined by age, and trying my best to hide mine. First, when I was too young to be considered for “big” jobs, and now, as I try to demonstrate my relevancy as a “mature” woman.
The moment we realize we are “old” is different for everyone. Maybe it’s slower service at a bar, or when someone at work starts talking about their mom and you realize the mother in question is younger than you, or when someone asks about your Joy Division shirt1 and you are shocked and appalled that the only people who know who Joy Division is are the hipsters buying vintage albums to display in their Ikea decorated apartments. Is that moth-eaten, vintage tee with the unidentified stain available on Rent the Runway? For a lot of us, however, it may be the first time we report to someone younger than we are, or realize we aren’t the young wonderkid in our group of peers.
According to Psychology Today, midlife is “Midlife is the central period of a person's life, spanning from approximately age 40 to age 65.” That is a long phase of life, and plenty of time to suffer from a midlife crisis (which is the only explanation I have as to why Teslas are so popular). But if this period is 25 years long, why does it feel like such a cliff? One minute, we are too young to have such a large and important role, and the next, we are viewed as too old.
There is so much more I want to achieve - advice to the younger crowd
If I were to pick the most common coaching conversation that I have, it would have to involve an exercise about career timeline. It usually starts with someone talking about their aspirations of being a CEO, and describing it like it is some distant fantasy with no real application to their current world. As I challenge their thinking, I start with, when do you see yourself retiring? Usually, it is 65, or sometimes sooner. OK, so if you are retiring at 65, I assume you want to be a CEO for long enough to have a real impact right? Of course. Thus, let’s say your minimum CEO tenure is seven years. Do you just want to do it once? No, you want to lead at least two companies. OK, let’s assume you are CEO for five years at one and seven years at the other. We don’t need a calculator to realize that equals twelve years. Subtracting twelve years from 65 puts you at 53. OK, now, do you think it’s likely that you will get promoted to CEO role from middle management? Probably not. Thus, you need a C-Suite role first, and probably have to show some demonstrated success in that role. Even better if you have C-suite experience in more than one area. Let’s say two C-roles, both lasting five years. That’s ten more years. Now we are at age 43. And this is where the panic sets in, and the panic looks a lot like someone who really wants to have a baby and realizes they don’t have a lot of time left to do so, and no co-parent prospects in sight. But, I think this thought process is important, because unless you are inheriting your parents’ empire, or work at one of the remaining Silicon Valley companies that still hand the reins over to first time executive leaders, your timeline will likely be a lot like this one. The lesson here, be thoughtful about your career, your own personal project plan for success, and the role decisions that you make so that you don’t accidentally close yourself out of the opportunities you dream of.
Lifelong learning increases your available “work” runway
Nothing in life has to be chronological, and certainly not learning. I think one of the best ways to avoid the career limitations of age is to demonstrate a passion for learning new things. Someone says they are looking for a digital native? Roll your eyes later…but first, in the moment, share your recent experiences teaching yourself how to code, or ask questions about the strategies surrounding their digital platform and goals for the future of automation and engagement.
Taking it a step further, if you return to school in later life or continue to invest time in learning new skills, you will find that people are less concerned about when you plan to retire, because they assume you would not have spent that much money and time on something that you will only use for a few years.
Lifelong learning is also evidence that we are not stagnant
We can all learn from those around us, especially people who are younger than us. If you see someone who approaches work differently than you do, for example, spending more time on building relationships, focusing on quality of work life, or offering and asking for detailed feedback, pay attention and borrow their practices for use in your own career. By continuously adopting new behaviors and refining existing ones, we can demonstrate that we are not “set in our ways” or unable to do things differently as the market and industry changes. And, by challenging your brain to make different connections between concepts and seeing the similarities in disciplines, you are able to identify nontraditional paths for yourself and your organization.
The ABCs of lifelong career success: Always Be Curious
Just this week, a post showed up in my mailbox from fellow Substacker, Anthony Pompliano. He had just finished Brian Grazer’s book, A Curious Mind: The Secret to a Bigger Life and summarized several key ideas from that book. According to Grazer’s website, www.grazeriscurious.com, “If [INSERT DREAM] is your dream, tapping into your curiosity is the key to achieving it.” Same goes for achieving success as you age. The less you “know,” and the more you are willing to explore and question, the more likely you are to be viewed as open and vibrant. Combine that open worldview with valuable experience, vision, and lessons already learned, and you will become the candidate of choice regardless of the role or the age you are when you apply for it.
Age discrimination
As much as it pains me to admit it, age discrimination does happen. According to the American Association of Retired Persons (AARP), two thirds of workers claim to have seen or experienced workplace age discrimination, and 93% believe that it is common. These are some of the highest levels since 2003, when AARP began tracking the data.
I am not sure that all age-related discrimination is intentional, but instead, more of an unknown bias. I read an article once that said the root of age discrimination was not an intentional nonselection of older people, but the simple fact that no one wants to work with someone that reminds them of their mom or dad.
But as we age, what can we do to level the playing field…even if we do remind someone of their mom or dad?
Regardless of your age, find a company that fits YOU
The key to employment satisfaction and success is to find companies that fit with your cultural desires and personality. If a targeted employer is publicly traded, read their earnings call transcripts, review their ESG materials, proxy and annual reports, and see if they’ve received or responded to SEC comment letters. These things, all publicly available, can give some indications of company culture through word choice and the priorities they choose to focus on. In addition, for all companies, read how they phrase their job descriptions (even for roles unrelated to your interests), check out Glassdoor and other sites that summarize staff experiences, and look for clues related to culture and values. Finally, leverage your network, including second or third level connections through LinkedIn, to find current and former employees who are willing to speak with you off the record about their experiences.
Also, a lot of companies are starting to recognize the significant talent gap that they will be facing, and are making much needed changes to their recruiting strategies to find talent outside of the normal channels and outside of the traditional age brackets for roles. In addition to posting and recruiting campaigns themselves, organizations like AARP (which by the way is for anyone over 50 and has a lot of resources unrelated to retirement) register those companies that have met their standards for age friendly hiring: https://institute.agefriendly.org/initiatives/certified-age-friendly-employer-program/.
Tell your story effectively
The key to any business communication is how the key messages fit together to paint a larger story. Your career history is no different. Do you really need the dates of every job you’ve held since college, including the one in the mailroom 35 years ago? Do you need to list the later ones that are now irrelevant to your current career aspirations? Try leaving a bit to the imagination on both your LinkedIn profile and resume (using caution about creating the appearance of gaps), and instead focus on the comprehensive story and transferable skill sets that your critical experiences illustrate. This isn’t about hiding your age, it is more about showing that you understand how to communicate succinctly with a focus on relevance.
And, as you create your narrative, share it with and describe what you are looking for to anyone who will listen so that you can build a network of advocates to help you find it.
Consider consulting or fractional work
Consulting is a great option for individuals with skills that are in demand. In fact, for a lot of firms, the traditional consultant is being replaced by a different form of leader, a fractional executive. A fractional executive is someone engaged by a company on a part-time basis to perform the duties of an inhouse executive, often with a more targeted scope and/or a focus on developing the staff. Everyone from large companies to start ups use fractional executives, for everything from acquisitions and divestitures, periods of immense growth and change, transitions, or just large-scale projects. And, if you so desire, you should be able to cobble together a full time commitment with the excitement of serving more than one company at a time.
We all end up in the same place eventually, so I guess the route you take to get there is the only thing that really matters. (Please note my refusal to use the word “journey.”)
My best friend in high school had three kids in nearly immediate succession, all before she was 25. She raised them alone, inspired them, and made sure they were supported in their interests, even if it meant spending every waking minute chauffeuring them around to hot stinky gyms for dance competitions. While being a single mom, she got an undergraduate degree and a masters degree, studying in the bleachers while periodically looking up to clap and yell for any one of her three girls as they performed. She’s an HR executive and a grandma now, still doing things her own way, and on her own distinct timeline. She has achieved much more success than she once thought possible, and she did it in an order that no one viewed as an advantage. Her girls are grown, doing things on the timeline they want, with an awareness somewhere in the back of their minds that they too can accomplish anything with hard work and perseverance, just like mom did.
In a perfect world, age wouldn’t matter and everyone would be judged based on their unique contribution to the world. We would be free to pursue things whenever we feel like. But we all know that this isn’t the world we live in today. The best we can hope for is to manage through it, to compensate for the inevitable health challenges and mystery illnesses, keep up with changing technologies and worldviews, and live in a way that keeps the most opportunities available to us.
Even now, as I take a break from writing this article to Google new Doc Martens and try to find someone who has Playstation 5’s in stock (yes, for me), I realize that nothing, no matter how hard I try or how many face creams I buy, can make me ageless (or for that matter, make me seem less like a cat lady). However, my approach to the world, my ability to accept change, and the energy I put into every situation can reduce how much attention is paid to my age, and how much power I give it to determine my future. So I leave you with the words Wooderson so wisely shared in Dazed and Confused, “You just gotta keep livin’, man, L-I-V-I-N.” And keep a lint brush on hand to remove the cat hair from your vintage concert tees.
For Inspiration
What do Colonel Sanders and Ronald Reagan have in common? Both were late in life career changers. And, in the continued spirit of NaNoWrimo (which by the way, I am currently ahead of schedule with only 27 days left to skid into the ditch of writing failure), here are 20 Debut Works of Fiction by Women Over 40. Julia Child wrote her first cookbook at 50. Vera Wang was a journalist and figure skater before she entered the fashion industry at 40. And remember the 2020 presidential campaign that was dominated by 70 somethings? William Shatner went to space at 92. Not to mention all the filmmakers whose debut films were made after they turned 40. Even the less famous, but just as inspirational everyday heroes like my great friend who has been dreaming of starting an organizing business since I have known her, and successfully kicked that business off in her 50s.
Because you still dress like you did when you were 28 - oh wait, that’s just me!
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