A thought escaped my lips and entered my head
I've been having thoughts, just like everybody else.
Hello, and welcome to my thoughts, I’m sure you had some too since last time. I’d love to know a single thought you had in the past two weeks that felt very true. (If you feel like sharing)
A few weeks ago
Sometimes…
we lose ourselves in the trying,
in the improving,
in the growing,
in the getting better
and forget to be proud now. It was a few weeks ago when an exchange with my friend went like this
“Hey T” I said quietly, wrapped in a towel with cleanser in my hand, standing at the bathroom door.
“Yeah?” she was on the floor. I don’t fully recall whether she was doing stretches or something else.
“I’m proud of myself”…
The words left my lips ajar. My tongue moved to tap the roof of my mouth, much like one would pinch themselves to ensure they were not in a dream. The words tasted as foreign as they were. I had not said that in year, and I had not meant it in longer. Even now, as I write, it still feels surreal.
I am uncertain when this became true - me, proud, of myself, truly, wow!
The situation leaves me with more questions than answers if I’m being honest.
Why does this ring true in my heart?
What have I done to deserve this?
How can I feel like this when so much still needs fixing?
I am acutely aware that my spirit has come to an understanding, yet my logic is lagging. It doesn’t make sense to me, but I cannot deny that when I say the words, I no longer feel like I used to - fraudulent.
Well,this is not to tell you that you must be proud of yourself, at least not yet, because it just might not be/feel true. I’m just saying, keep in mind that you can still do things you enjoy and participate in activities you think you aren’t prepared for. Fewer people than you think are actually prepared.
*Please, I'm not saying you shouldn't prepare for things oh. Prepare; it helps the anxiety a whole lot.
This week
It is hard for us to make chronic emotional demands from our friends. Even if we do need it and want it, at some point, we realize that we all have to answer our own surnames.
That is a very lonely point.
A very lonely point indeed...
In other news:
The exam went well in the end (there was a hiccup on the way but, I survived)
Currently watching One spring night (kdrama). I am enjoying it.
Currently, I'm reading Really good, actually. I don’t know if I can say I am enjoying it. I’m still reading it sha.
I miss writing those people watching blurbs I used to add on here. I don’t know when next I will, but I miss them.
Thank you for reading.
From
Ayibaemi
It's an incredible feeling – pride in yourself. May it continue to blossom. I am proud of you too.❤
I had the thought below sometime last week. This is from my journal:
"I look at my twitter header everyday and I believe it. It isn't always true but at the root of it, I do love my life. It could be so much better and it would be nice to get the things I desire but I love it all the same, as it is."