One of my most frequently received questions is about my daily routines— how I go about my day-to-day life (as an autistic, queer, mid-thirties, Brooklyn femme). Someone also recently anonymously submitted a request to be answered in my “Your Questions, Answered” section below, and instead of answering below, I figured I’d do a whole post about it. I love reading about and observing others’ routines and incorporating small bits that inspire new ways of being in my own life. And as an autistic person, it’s always helpful for me to gather information on how exactly other adults “adult,” since I’m always concerned I’m missing something, so that I can then consolidate all my data points and create a life story that makes sense for my specific needs and desires. And unlike most folks in their thirties in the US, I don’t have a traditional 9-5PM job, kids, or traditional relationship/family structures, and I also rarely do things that I don’t want to do. I’m always happy to talk to other folks in my community about the choices I’ve made to structure my life in a way that’s largely outside of the norm. In fact, I wrote a book about it.
And since I love information and transparency, I’m also always excited to share things with the hope that someone might feel inspired to make a change in their life, or at the least, that we all might feel a little less alone. (Feel free to send me a message or leave a comment on the post if you want any product links/recommendations for any of the products I mention below).
So here’s what I’m working with:
MORNING
I need to ease into my day nonverbally and in a low-stimulation environment, or else my capacity for the rest of the day is very low because my nervous system is shocked. I don’t schedule any calls, appointments, or social time until after 10:30AM so that I can wake up naturally and ease into my day.
Once I start to wake, I’ll lay in bed and think about how grateful I am for my life and allow myself time to notice. I’ll notice if it’s sunny and bright or if I’m opening my eyes to a grey, rainy day; I’ll notice if there are Brooklyn sounds I recognize, like children’s laughter or a delivery truck rumbling down the next street. Once I spend some time meditating in observation and gratitude, I’ll pick up my phone to check any messages or emails I might have missed the night before, especially if I put my phone down early in the evening (which I’ve been doing more frequently recently and feels great). I’ll also typically check Instagram and browse some fashion and interior design accounts for some creative inspiration.
If my puppy Santo is with me and not her other co-parent, I’ll help her through her morning routine and then I’ll brush my teeth (with this excellent Euthymol toothpaste I just discovered), make my bed, and clean up my space. Sometimes I’m just too sleepy in the evening to clean up after myself, but starting my day with a fresh space (items put away in their designated place, dishes cleaned, etc.) helps my mind feel a bit more clear. I’ll then make and drink sea salt and lemon water (to aid with digestion and absorption), take my morning supplements or have a smoothie, and sit down to write or do some work. Before I leave my house for the day, I always shower and apply facial SPF (which I just learned is a necessary thing). Or I’ll do a home workout (I love Popsugar!) and then eat a small breakfast (with my daily probiotics), but I still haven’t figured out an easy morning breakfast plan that consistently feels good in my belly. If you have any suggestions, please share them below.
I think the most important parts of my morning routine are slowness and flexibility. I allow myself to change things based on what I might need that day based on the way my body and mind are feeling. Sometimes I’ll wake up in an exhausted space from stressful nightmares and need a lot more time to be nonverbal in bed adjusting to the day. When I give myself this flexibility, it helps me approach the rest of my day with a wider window of tolerance for the stimulation of the outside world.
Having the ability to start my days like this is a huge privilege that I have worked very hard to create. My days haven’t always been set up like this. For the majority of my twenties, I had to be at work by 7:30AM and was often on the train by 6:30AM, already overstimulated and absolutely miserable. It’s taken close to a decade of trial and error to figure out what works best for me.
I talk more about how I did this (and how you can, too) in my book.
EVENING
To wind down from my day I typically roll and smoke a joint with THC and mullein, or an herbal smoking blend that I make or buy from a local apothecary. When I arrive back into my space before I change into comfier clothes, I always shower off the outside world. I’m currently using a delightful pink peppercorn, balsam & cedarwood body wash, an ocean salt bodysoap, and a salicylic acid facial scrub. And once I’m clean, I’ll apply a facial toner, a snail mucin serum, a moisturizing gel-cream, and occasionally a seabiotic water cream or nighttime retinol cream (since I recently learned that my skin cells “overproduce”). It’s typically difficult for autistic people to transition to different types of stimulatory environemnts (like being at a high-stimulation dinner to being back in my low-stimulation space). Having this shower reset before I get comfy in my space is an important part of my transition ritual.
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