When diving further into the perception of what society deems as moral behavior, we have to consider modesty. Modesty is one of those words that’s difficult to explain because it’s very subjective. The word itself comes from the Latin word ‘modestus’ which means "keeping within measure.” But that definition begs the question: whose measure? So what’s the modern-day definition? Merriam-Webster defines it as:
the quality of not being too proud or confident about yourself or your abilities.
propriety in dress, speech, or conduct.
If we address the first part, we can be proud but not too proud; that may be considered arrogance. We should be confident, but again, not too confident because that’s egotistical. I understand the definition to mean that someone who is modest wouldn’t feel the need to show off to others—even if they actually have a lot to brag about.
The second part of the modesty definition is where I want to focus: propriety in dress, speech, or conduct. Propriety is to conform to conventional standards of behavior or morals.
What are conventional standards, you ask?
We can logically conclude that conventional standards vary from one context to another—insert cultural diversity. However, some examples include shaking hands when meeting someone, saying thank you or please, going to the end of the line to wait your turn, or holding the door for the next person. What I’d like to know is how does the determination of modesty with someone’s clothing or style fall into a conventional standard?
It really doesn’t.
I am aware that whether I’m running errands or performing on OnlyFans, a lot of people might consider me immodest. Personally, I can’t be concerned with anyone else’s standards of modesty—only my own. I believe modesty is being smart about what you wear by dressing for the occasion. Once again, this is all subjective to the individual. You may want to wear your leather cat-suit for a parent/teacher conference. However, I don’t think that’s the occasion for my cat-suit, and I’d personally feel uncomfortable. That said, much respect to the woman who does feel relaxed and confident in her choice. Maybe their sense of modesty is not unzipping the top down to their navel. It’s not for me to say—or judge.
The societal consensus is if you respect yourself and other people, you’ll dress modestly. This is ambiguous at best because of fads and fashions—not to mention the ever changing climate to be unique in every way. You are the only one who determines how you want to present yourself, and it doesn’t imply a lack of respect for others. It’s about our self-respect in wearing what make us feel good about ourselves—which, in turn, exudes confidence (see Lady Gaga, Sia, and even pioneers like Michael Jackson and Prince). Imagine if we all dressed alike. What might that would do to the world of fashion? We already feel weird arriving to a function only to see someone else rocking the same outfit as we are. If all of us decided to wear the same thing, we’d no doubt argue about what that outfit would be.
How do we cultivate a positive self-image if we are trying to please those we don’t genuinely agree with?
In my research behind the meaning of modesty—specifically the propriety in dress. I came across numerous religious websites with their own interpretation. Before I continue, a little disclaimer: I am, by no means, disparaging anyone’s religious faith. The primary role of religion is to provide salvation. One of its methods is to exert influence over its followers by setting rules and customs. It’s perfectly within anyone’s right to follow a religious path for themselves if their faith provides answers to life’s meaning and purpose for them. Before I share the religious aspect of modesty, I think it necessary to explain why modesty is considered virtue.
A virtue is the good moral quality in a person. In Christianity, there are seven Capital Virtues conveniently opposite of the Seven Deadly Sins: Chastity (Lust), Kindness (Envy), Generosity (Greed), Diligence (Sloth), Temperance (Gluttony), Patience (Anger), Humility (Pride). It’s all rather neat and tidy, if you ask me. The first part of the Merriam-Webster’s modest definition applies to the sin of Humility in not being to proud or overconfident. However, it doesn’t specifically elaborate on how we dress. This is where religion steps in. Here are some views on modesty from a Christian, Catholic, and Mormon website:
“[I]n the modern-day, if a woman or a man wears shorts, a tank top, or a swimsuit, it does not mean that they are being immodest. Now, if a person is wearing shorts, a tank top, a swimsuit, a half-shirt, or another type of clothing with the intention of trying to get attention, then they are being immodest.” christianity.com
“To dress modestly is to avoid deliberately causing sexual excitement in oneself or one's neighbor. One who dresses modestly shuns clothes that are known or reasonably expected to effect sexual arousal in oneself or others. Modesty is dress pertains to both genders… How many young girls there are who see nothing wrong in following certain shameless styles like so many sheep. They would certainly blush with shame if they could know the impression they make, and the feelings they evoke, in those who see them.’ (Pope Pius XII)” catholic.org
“Girls are encouraged to avoid short shorts and skirts, tight-fitting clothing, shirts that don’t cover the shoulders or stomach, or that are low-cut in the front or back. Do not disfigure yourself with tattoos or body piercings. If girls or women desire to have their ears pierced, they are encouraged to wear only one pair of modest earrings.” MormonRules.com
While these three different religions, more or less, say the same thing, not all people are religious; and not all religious people follow these… guidelines. In the Bible, The Book of John (7:24 KJV) states, “Judge not according to the appearance, but judge righteous judgment.” Although some religions have specific rules, the underlined message is the intention you have with your clothing. Are you seeking sexual attention?
Is that truly the only option?
Did you see what she was wearing? It’s no wonder she…
was sexually harassed…
was raped…
received lewd comments.
None of the above scenarios are exclusive to happening to a woman wearing a skin-tight dress with stilettos. This happens to women no matter what their outfit looks like. It’s not only wrong to say a woman DESERVES the treatment she gets because of her clothes, it’s wrong to assume the perpetrator isn’t responsible for their lack of self-control.
Women may wear clothing to feel sexy and confident. It may appear provocative to some, but women shouldn’t have to remotely consider how people will react when getting dressed’ much less what they think. This would imply it’s a woman’s responsibility to not provoke, which takes all accountability away from those who behave inappropriately. And honestly, this has been the thinking for most societies for thousands of years: she deserved it.
The standards for dress and sexual conduct seem to be predominantly aimed toward women. All you need is a Google search to demonstrate just how much. There is also the belief that how a woman dresses is a reflection of who she is. All too often a woman, who despite donating to cancer research, volunteering at homeless shelters, and is the CEO of a non-profit for the rescue of puppies, can still be called a whore if she wears a mini-skirt with a low-cut blouse. As absolutely ignorant as that sounds, this is very common. I’m not saying she isn’t promiscuous… she very well could be. However, her actions should dictate that, not her clothes.
How about women (and men) who simply want to determine their own limits for self-expression, sexually or otherwise? After all, shouldn’t it be our own decision what we put on (and in) our body?
Women are subjugated by many ‘modesty rules’ in order to achieve social acceptability. She should wear long sleeve shirts, skirts past her knees, and a “respectable” amount of makeup. If a woman doesn’t fit inside in somebody’s modesty expectation, she is tagged with labels as a way to ostracize her. This is stereotyping and trying to force women to behave and dress in a certain way that aligns with someone else’s social preferences. It’s a sexist way of taking attention away from what really matters about a woman—her ideas, her competence, and her intelligence
Wearing what we please is a woman’s way of taking control of her body, her individuality, and her sexuality. Our culture of individualism emphasizes the need for everyone to present themselves as unique and independent. However, we also live in a judgmental world where people are quick to make assumptions and to categorize individuals based on what they see. When someone vocalizes how offended they are by a woman’s fashion choice as inappropriate, it’s simply an indication of controlling behavior. That individual wants or needs to be in charge and manage the actions of another person. We all want to have control of the world around us, however this should be only as it pertains to our individual lives—not others.
Women shouldn’t feel pressured to provide evidence of being strong, smart, and worthy of respect through their choice of clothing. It’s not something that happens automatically just because she puts on an oversized sweater and long skirt. We aren’t eliminating any risk of perpetuating stereotypes. The important thing to remember for anyone is that evidence of self-worth is simply not found in the eyes of others. Having a sense of self-worth means that you value yourself. If it’s clear you respect yourself, people are more likely to think positively of you
Every woman is unique in her own way and has been blessed with a one-of-a-kind personality. The aim isn’t to fit in, rather try your best to dress in clothes which suit your personality. When you dress in the clothes you like, you are communicating that you are comfortable in your own skin.
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