Most of you have come across Freud’s concept of the ego. From this perspective, the ego is the part of your mind rooted in reality. On either side you have the Id - the pleasure-seeking, rule-breaking, “girls just want to have fun” part of you - and the Superego - the rule-following, looking over your shoulder, judgy, idealist. You ego, in this context, is the peace-maker.
The ego referred to in Hindu philosophy is known as ahankara, sort of the part of us that identifies with the physical world. Ahankara encompasses these identities, roles, or boxes that we use to interact with the world. Exactly how many identities do we have? Well, just walk through your day to see.
You may be a worker bee Monday through Friday. You may be a best friend on the phone late one evening. A dad 24/7. If you’re on your honeymoon, you’re a lover. If you volunteer with a charity, you may be a community helper. You are a daughter, a sister, a brother, a grandchild, or a grandparent, or a neighbor. You may deal drugs, break the law, work in the sex industry, and attend church every Sunday. In different contexts, different aspects of your personality emerge. Sometimes those identities are at odds with one another.
The CEO of a company exudes confidence, ambition, clear vision, and professionalism. That same CEO may play second fiddle to their spouse at home, letting them dictate family plans, budgets, or other marital decisions. They may avoid confrontation at all cost at home, but find it to be productive and motivating at work. Acting the same way in every context doesn’t work.
But if we behave differently in different contexts, what is the nature of our true self? Who are we really? Are we the recovered alcoholic? The chief surgeon? The mother of 5? A member of our local school board? Of course one person could be all those things.
Scientifically, we’re not even the same person today that we were when we were born. Our skin and gut cells are aging and regenerating all the time. This skin on my body isn’t the same skin from 2 years ago much less 15 years ago. Even heart cells age and are replaced over our lifetime. So if your 3-year old toddler’s heart is only partially the same when he is 99 years old, what is real? What is the permanent part of you?
Hindu philosophy says that underneath all those roles is our true self. Different religions call it different names: soul, our light, cosmic energy, universal consciousness. Put another way, when you sit in stillness and observe what comes up, you are getting to know your true self beyond the boxes.
The philosophy of the Gita says that these labels and roles with which we identify are not our true identity. According to the Gita, people go through life identifying with temporary, subjective, and oft-changing roles. They’re necessary to get through life. You have to have a label, a role, a box in order to interact with other people in their boxes/roles. So the Gita isn’t stating you need to leave behind all your possessions and relationships, climb the Himalayas, and seek oneness with Brahman.
What does going beyond ego mean for you everyday life? Do you need to be self-realized to pick up dry-cleaning and attend your child’s recital? Does self-realization help you make better dinners or find the cheapest airline tickets? Will it improve your skin? Most critically, will it help you better manage your e-mail inbox?
Oddly, searching for your true self can help with these parts of your life, even if you never become fully self-realized. Sitting in stillness allows you to gradually hear and feel in the absence of external stimulation. When you do that even a little bit, you start to touch on core beliefs, beliefs and values that seep into all those boxes. If you do believe in Brahman, then sitting in stillness can help make that connection with the divinity in you that is Brahman. Tattvamasi. The Gita says we are all part of a vast divine energy. That energy is knowable if we turn inward away from the external world for a moment.
If nothing else, sitting in stillness and getting in touch with your values and beliefs allows you to bring them into your daily life more consciously. How many of us lament about the material nature of Christmas while we spend tons of money on presents? When you drive by someone panhandling for money, do you give or not give? Does that align with your values? Are you setting the example you want to set with your children?
Wanna try it? There are many ways to find those moments of stillness. It can start with breath work. There are a lot of reasons why deep breathing is a foundation for stillness, which you can read here. Essentially, for the mind to be still, the body needs to come along for the ride, otherwise your mind is getting mixed messages.
On your phone, set your stopwatch for 15 seconds. Count how many breaths you take without changing your breathing at all. Now multiply that by 4 and that’s how many breaths you are taking in a minute.Now, shift your breathing from your chest to your diaphragm. In other words, as you inhale imagine your breath traveling from your nose past your chest and into your belly. Placing your hands on your belly, you will feel your belly slightly rise and fall if you’re doing it right.
Now, breathing in this new way, count how many breaths you take in 15 seconds. Significantly fewer I bet. Now, make it impactful. Set a reminder in your phone to practice at the top of the hour for 1 minute. That’s it.
If you like this approach, I recommend downloading Insight Timer, Calm or Headspace apps. Insight Timer is where many meditation teachers have come together to offer courses, trainings, and breath practice. It’s an amazing place to discover what kind of stillness appeals to you. I wish I made some money off this endorsement. The other two apps are really meant as tools for anxiety reduction and stress management, but are good in their own ways.
I got lost many time writing this piece, so if you’re no clearer on what ahankara or ego is…well, so sorry. If you have something to add, questions or comments to keep this conversation going, please share. I’m wishing you all some happiness this season and some stillness too.