Code Neglect: Opportunistic St. Paul Man Opens Helicopter Tour Company in His Own Backyard
St. Paul Post Satire Department: Your Trusted Local Fake News Source
St. Paulian Harvey Collins is trying his hand at a new venture in the unlikeliest of places. He has decided to operate a helicopter tour company from the convenience of his own backyard. “It all started when that official St. Paul newsletter arrived in my mailbox”, stated Harvey. “It mentioned that the town had no way of enforcing ordinances since we don’t have a municipal court.”
That’s when the wheels, err, blades started turning for Mr. Collins. No longer bound by those pesky noise ordinances, Harvey was free to build the company of his dreams. Initially, Harvey was a little bit leery about investing so much money into the company for fear that the town would establish a municipal court and be able to enforce ordinances. So, he called up Town Hall and asked why they didn’t have a municipal court, to which the town manager replied, “It’s the previous administration’s fault.”
“I mean, why would they make an ordinance requiring a municipal court and then not replace the judge when they resigned?” he mused. To which the town manager replied, “It’s the previous administration’s fault.”
With that level of commitment to inaction by the town, Harvey was encouraged enough to step out into this new venture. The tours take you all over St. Paul and last up to one minute.
While Harvey’s helicopters are keeping busy, he admits that customer parking has been a struggle. “I am actually in the process of getting a Special Use Permit, but keep getting rejected because of the lack of parking spaces I have”, Harvey admitted. “And by rejected, I mean they just let me keep running my business while we work out the details of the permit.”
The interview with Harvey was briefly interrupted as the FBI raided his neighbors house. Agent James with the FBI was kind enough to inform us that the neighbor’s grass was found to be 1 tenth of an inch too tall and outside of code and therefore was to be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law.
Harvey’s Heli-Tours operates 7 days a week, 24 hours a day, same as the Billie Jean Bobcat Preserve, so book your tour today!
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All names are fictitious and any relation to actual people is purely coincidental