Move Over In-Sync Exotics: St. Paul Opens a New Bobcat Preserve
St. Paul Post Satire Department: Your Trusted Local Fake News Source
St. Paul friends, tired of making the long drive to Wylie for In-Sync Exotics tiger watching? You are in luck! St. Paul now has its very own bobcat preserve located in the culvert on Lakeway Drive and the entrance fee is excellent…100% free. Originally residents were concerned for their children and pets and contacted the town’s animal control representative, Theodore Krause, when a single Bobcat, named “Billie Jean”, was seen to be roaming around the neighborhood. However, she proved to be too clever for animal control in this elusive game of cat and Krause. When asked for comment, Krause said:
Billie Jean is not my problem
She's just a cat who claims the ditch is her lair
But the cat is not my care
She says the ditch is her lair, but the cat is not my care
Frustratingly enough, the lush overgrowth of the unmaintained ditch and culvert provides an ideal habitat for Billie Jean the Bobcat to thrive. For years, top scientists and highly paid engineers sent forth from the town have been unable to find a solution for the erosion and maintenance problem that has persisted at this ditch. In fact, many days top-notch engineers could be seen just staring transfixed at the erosion situation. MIT accredited engineer Dr. Sheldon Luther admitted, “I would just park my truck and stare in awe at the scope of the problem, I have decreed that it is unsolvable, perhaps with further research into Quantum Mechanics we can arrive at a solution for this erosion enigma, but that day has yet to come…it has yet to come my friends.”
One day, while staring off into the wild green yonder of the lush ditch Dr. Luther witnessed Billie Jean munching on a neighborhood snack and thats when inspiration struck. He came up with the brilliant idea of solving this nemesis of a problem by turning the ditch into a bobcat preserve. It became a once in a lifetime collaboration between the town’s elite engineering and animal control teams. When asked if this actually solves the erosion problem, Sheldon’s eyes shifted uncomfortably and he muttered incoherently something about Strange Quarks and spooky action at a distance.
At publishing time, it was reported that a neighborhood watch is being setup to combine the underutilized group of herpetologists and their masterful skillset. The hope is that they will be able to pivot and also keep a lookout for bobcats that could join the growing preserve. Please feel free to visit, it’s open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.
Image generated by Bing Image Creator
All names are fictitious and any relation to actual people is purely coincidental, except for Billie Jean the Bobcat, that one is real.