No, no, I really am. Allow me to ‘splain.
This topic came from one of my oldest friends, Stephen, who prompted me with, “The benefits of longstanding friendships, and how to keep those friendships over time and distance--and through a rough patch too.” Now, I’ve mentioned Steve in the past, but I should describe how we met: it’s all my wife’s fault1.
I was making a career and industry change after having spent about 8 years working in college admissions, first at the college and later at the secondary levels. But the DotCom bubble had burst, and it was time to get into technology!2. My wife suggested I reach out to Steve, because he had also made a pretty significant career change not all that long ago, and she thought he could be helpful to me through his perspective.
I think the phrase is “Boy! Howdy!” We seemed to click immediately, what with both being a couple of Micks with a gift of the gab3. It was clear after our first meeting that we’d absolutely enjoy working with each other, which he made possible by adding me to his team of “telesales” (today we call them BDRs – Business Development Representatives) after I joined the company as an intern in the Marketing department.4 We proceeded to work together for the next, what 4? 5? years.
We share a sense of humor and appreciation of the absurd that is particular to The Irish-American Male Of Certain Generations. We have varied tastes in music and literature that often overlap. We are lousy golfers (speaking strictly for myself!) and love the comradery that this entails. We have shared narrow escapes (“Paging Drs. Murphy, Mahoney, and Hedges! Paging Drs. Murphy, Mahoney, and Hedges!”), New Years celebrations, patio fireside martinis, and watching our children grow and mature (often despite their fathers, it seems).
Sounds like a winning formula for a long and warm friendship to me! Except this: I am lousy at keeping in touch. Ask any of my closest friends – Steve, Sha, Al, Kevin, Mandy, Joe, Jeffrey, any of them – and they’ll all tell you when asked how good am I at keeping in touch that I. Am. The. Worst.
So, unless you are as blessed as I am5, follow my example. Except do exactly the opposite.
1. Call. Yes, call. It can be a 3-minute conversation, it can be a 3-hour conversation. Do what you gotta do to make this happen – schedule it, create a weekly rotation of family and friends you speak with, whatever it takes.
2. Write. Again, I am of a generation where I am almost comfortable with email, and can barely manage a text. Please don’t try to get me up to speed with TikTok or SnapChat. But I can text (can, which is different from do). Send a three-word text (“How’s it going?”) and watch what happens.
3. Make plans – and act on them. See, first you start the conversation, then you keep the conversation alive, and then you get together. Easy-peasy*!
4. Wash. Rinse. REPEAT. Often.
There! “Now, physician, heal thyself!” I hear you, I hear you! I’m off to make a call to Steve. How about you? What do you do to maintain long, and often long-distance friendships?
I am NOT throwing her under the bus here! Every good thing that has happened to or for me in the last 31 years has largely been due to her. So, Steve becoming my dear friend is all her fault.
The Clan Mahoney motto, translated from the Gaelic, reads, “Buy High, Sell Low”. Sigh.
I’m an Irish-American, I can say this. It’s in the rulebook. You can look it up.
An intern. At 29. NOT what I expected to be when I grew up.
Simply not possible. See my wife and my friends as evidence.
Worst. Friend. Ever.
But I love ya anyway.
You forgot the best of the list -- "just show up."
Literally and figuratively, as both are part of your charm (although the latter is far safer...!)!