First things first, if you’re going to read these blog posts - be prepared for me to shamelessly seamlessly cross-promote some of my other creative works.
Now that messy business is out of the way, let’s talk about the most obvious, most important and still somehow the most difficult aspect of management.
Trust.
Every employee wants a manager they can trust. Someone they can go to for support, not judgement. Someone who will give them honesty, not pity. Someone who knows when to give them a motivational speech and when to just let them cry it out.
Here’s a conversation I’ve had with either my boss or someone else in Leadership SO many times over the years:
“Ryan - we love how much your team really seems to trust you. That’s why we’ve decided it’s best that you tell them our newly devised plans to make all of their lives a living hell.”
Okay slightly paraphrased but you get the point. It’s a pretty sh*tty time to be the trusted one, right? I’ve also had new managers come in both above me and as peers similarly asking what they can do to begin building trust.
And while I believe that, reputationally, you can build up an air of ‘that guy is trustworthy,’ - there is still a frankly ludicrous and frightening amount of work still to be put in. And it is real work. There are no shortcuts or secret formulas. Some managers like to make a big pitch for trust on day 1. Others like to tell you exactly what you want to hear and fast-track their way there.
But no matter how you try to spin it, you’re going to have to face up to the path ahead. And it’s a long climb up what I like to call:
TRUST MOUNTAIN
To illustrate these stages I’m going to use my fictional line report - Stella. (OH. Yes. You’re right. Stella DOES just happen to coincidentally be the name of one of the two protagonists in my first book PULSE: The Trial. And she does just happen to have to scale a mountain bare-handed with her best friend while being pursued by a deadly hunter and the constant risk of plummeting to her death. So management is EXACTLY like that except with slightly smaller margins of death. Kinda.)
Up first:
GROUND ZERO
Where all good relationships start. At this point no matter how well-mannered or down-to-earth I seem - Stella wouldn’t trust me if I told her the sky was blue. Partially because the sky is actually violet and appears blue because of the atmosphere, so I’d just be straight-up incorrect. But also because I’m a manager and managers LIE.
If you’re a manager out there reading this, tell me that you’ve never once in your career told someone you were managing exactly what they wanted to hear because either you knew it would make them feel better or it was the ‘easier’ thing to do. I’m gonna cross my fingers and hope you did this much earlier in your career. But if it’s something you still occasionally find yourself doing - just know that the person you’re managing isn’t an idiot. They’ve probably already sussed you out, started taking everything you say with a pinch of salt, and begun doing hilarious impressions of you and your bullsh*t on zoom calls just before you arrive.
If you’re on GROUND ZERO - do not open with lies, promises or grandiose gestures. You haven’t even gotten started yet. Stella and I are supposed to be setting each other up for success - not failure.
This is my chance to set a precedent for the type of manager I want to be, not necessarily the type I am right now. There are TWO of us going on a journey here, remember.
Plus relationships are scary. All of em. Romantic. Managerial. Friendship. Uh… Enemyship? That’s definitely a word. Some of my best relationships are enemyships. Anyway, you always have reservations about any type of relationship.
What if I can’t give Stella what she needs?
What if I make a mistake that has a graver impact on her than on me?
What if I get overwhelmed and she ends up having to do it all alone?
You know what - those are all rational things to worry about. But the most important thing to remember is - you haven’t even started climbing the actual mountain yet. You’re just stepping around on a bit of snow at this point. So don’t let the thought of quitting or searching out the easy path defeat you before you’ve even begun.
Instead, use this time to prep. Every climber needs tools. What are mine going to be?
Where am I going to track all of Stella’s progress, feelings, reservations and achievements? Not to mention all the unrelatable Gen-Z things she says that I’ll need to suppress with a glass of wine later (I can’t be the only one that does this).
How and when am I going to gather feedback?
Are we going to have 121s? (For the love of God please all say yes or Stella is going to freeze to death somewhere on this mountain and nobody will ever find her body).
And how am I going to set and measure her goals?
Set this stuff up in advance so we don’t get halfway up the mountain and realise we’re missing a key tool - like 121s. No, seriously. Trying to have a working relationship without a 121 is like going to Nandos and not eating any chicken. You can do it - but you’re missing out on the BEST part (and secretly the staff hate you.)
Bonus Tip:
The first meeting is a key moment to contextualise yourself. But I’ve met a few managers who like to go BIG on day 1. “Here is everything you need to know about me within sixty seconds of meeting me. My favourite movie is Ace Ventura. I play 5 hours of Call of Duty every night. And I brew my own beer on weekends.”
These are all excellent facts. The problem is - you don’t know anything about your audience. So when these are the first things you present about yourself - you create a marmite-y persona for people to accept or reject. Get this - not everyone has mastered their own biases yet. That doesn’t make them awful human beings. But we’re all on a journey of acknowledging how we perceive others.
I bet you had no idea that Stella is in her first year of sobriety, or that her best friend struggles with their gender identity and really doesn’t appreciate the transphobic vibe of old Jim Carrey movies. Also, she thinks COD is a bit sh*t. And she’s correct.
Start small. Give yourself time to share AND to learn. And let your new relationships grow naturally through conversation and curiosity. Once you do that you’re ready for the next part of the climb:
THE SLOPE
When I was in Japan we took a trip up Mount Fuji. We walked and drove for hours with our tour guide - ‘Happy’. And eventually, after copious amounts of singing, laughing and sightseeing, Happy turned to us, never once shedding her omnipresent smile, and said, “so that’s it for the easy part. Everything from here on is hard. My recommendation is that most of you go home. Kite kudasatte, arigatou gozaimasu!”
One couple wanted to push on ahead but after one look at their footwear, Happy let out a slightly embarrassed laugh and attempted to sell them a significantly less strenuous tour.
This is because when you’re on a mild slope you convince yourself that you’re already doing the hard work and of course, you’re totally killing it. The fact that you’re having fun along the way makes you even more of a legend. Might as well just skip straight to the top, right?
The problem is you have no clue what lies ahead. So the best thing you can do on a slope is to take your time and enjoy it. And absolutely DO NOT RUSH.
There is one thing that will always happen on the slope of Trust Mountain. It goes like this:
I’m going to learn things that I didn’t know about Stella. I find out that she supports Liverpool, her favourite dish is Thai green curry and she dyes her hair once per month.
This immediately triggers me because OMG - green curries are my favourite, I also support Liverpool (so now we can live in despair together) and I don’t have any hair but I do want to live vicariously through her.
And learning these things is exactly what the slope is for. Getting to know each other. Having fun. Sharing stories. But don’t make the age-old mistake of confusing FUN with TRUST.
The first things people tend to share are the things that… don’t really matter so much. The things they’re happy to share with practically anyone. Knowing these simple facts doesn’t mean I’m now an expert on every aspect of Stella’s life. It just means I’m armed with the knowledge to make the rest of the climb with Stella a little easier.
I have seen the frantic leg movement of managers attempting to charm their line reports. But seriously, DO NOT RUSH. No matter what you do or learn, you can’t climb this mountain in a single day. Take what you know and think about how you can use it later.
Can I turn what I’ve learnt into verbal encouragement later down the line?
“Don’t give up Stella. What if Stevie G had given up at halftime in Istanbul?”
Or
“That was an amazing presentation, Stella. The crowd loved it. You’re a regular Jurgen Klopp.”
(These are actual Liverpool things FYI - I’m not just saying weird random stuff. Okay noted - no more football metaphors I promise)
Bonus Tip:
If you’re gonna praise someone - Be Specific
“Good job.” “Well done.” “Thanks.”
These go a long way, right? Ya know what goes even further?
“Good job on rolling out the new out-of-hours rota, I know it was a lot of hard work but it’s going to have really high value and impact for our customers - and a lot of that will be thanks to you, Stella.”
Or
“Thanks for that last-minute PR review, Stella. I would have been gutted if I missed that dependency you pointed out. I really owe you one!”
Context is king. Not only have you avoided being generic, but you’ve actually acknowledged the individual contribution they’ve made. Which means you’ve been paying attention. And a little attention goes a long way. Side effect - you might draw the attention and appreciation of others to the successful details of the task.
So enjoy the slope. But beware the hidden depth. Just because Stella and I are getting on great, doesn’t mean she trusts me. She still hasn’t told me that she has authority issues because her military mum was super strict with her before branding her a failure and abandoning her in her teens. (I wrote the book okay? I know everything about Stella.)
And, we’ll come back to this later in more detail, but I need to keep reminding myself that it all goes both ways. What has Stella learned about me? Manager or not, it’s pretty hard to trust someone who is a blank slate and never shares at all.
Take all the time you need on that easy incline. But acknowledge that you’ve still got a long way to go. People are layered, like the mountain, and assuming you have them sussed out early is going to increase the chances of you making a big mistake or misstep later on.
That’s it for Part 1. Come back soon for the second half of ‘The Perils of Trust Mountain’ where we talk about The Face and the ever-illusive Peak. Plus find out if Stella makes it to the top or dies horrifically like 90% of the other characters I write.
And if you can relate to any (or perhaps none) of this - drop me a comment here or on LinkedIn.
And just for the record, I do actually run next to my kid!
Had no idea when I was reading Pulse that it would one day contribute to my career development but here we are. :)
'People are layered, like the mountain, and assuming you have them sussed out early is going to increase the chances of you making a big mistake or misstep later on.'
I totally agree with this, and each person will build their trust with you at a different pace so we have to take it eaaaasy.
Loved this article! 🔥