Wherefore Art Thou, Jeans?
An idiot's quest for good plus-size jeans and an accidental JNCOs purchase
I know I just shared an entire essay about my decision to quit wearing jeans and to start wearing leggings, but … two things. I wrote that essay early in my recovery before my body composition had changed much. And I’m a (triple) Taurus. You would not believe how stubborn I can be. The heart wants what it wants, and it wants jeans.
My respect and admiration for Virginia Sole-Smith knows no bounds. Jeans Science (IYKYK) changed my life. So after watching a bunch of TikToks, I embarked on a jeans science journey of my own.
With a few exceptions here and there, I’ve always been straight-sized. But after seeking out treatment for my disordered eating, I recovered into a plus-size body. Also, the pandemic happened (is still happening). I’m on the low end of being plus-sized, which means I’m a small fat. I don’t think I have a lot of readers super versed in all of this, so I’ll just say this: I benefit from being at the lower end of plus-size (thin privilege).
My style uniform has always been jeans, tee shirt and some kind of cardigan or weird, thrifted robe/blazer/jacket. I have an easy enough time finding tee shirts and cardigans, but jeans are my white whale.
For years, I’ve worn Universal Standard jeans. But something changed and their jeans are not the same. The material is thinner, the sizes are smaller. Has anyone else noticed this? It’s frustrating.
This is how I know I was in a rough spot. I let TikTok convince me that I could pull off Abercrombie jeans. I am middle-aged! Shocker: none of them worked. And I had to go into the mall and return them in-person. Are chills running down your spine? Good! Learn from my mistake.
I then sought out older TikTok creators and they were singing the praises of Lucy & Yak. Apparently we’re not supposed to be wearing skinny jeans anymore and Lucy & Yak has a ton of non-skinny style options. Adds to cart! I hope you’re still reading because this is where things get interesting. I … bought JNCOs? A fashion disaster, but comedy gold. Insane Clown Posse, party of one. I sent them back.
I took my query to Poshmark and found a pair of my favorite Universal Standard jeans. I bought them hoping they were the exact same pair I already owned. Sadly, they were the new style and did not fit, so I sold them on Sell Trade Plus.
I’m not a big Black Friday or Cyber Monday person, but I’ve been curious about Madewell’s plus-size jeans and decided to take advantage of the sales. Lol me for thinking there would be jeans left on their site by Monday. They had one pair of jeans left in my size. They were light-wash and button-fly. Not my cup of tea, but I bought them to see if they would fit. They did not! My plus-size friends love Madewell jeans, so maybe I’ll try again.
A quick word about Gap and Old Navy. I have a pair of Gap jeans that I can and do wear, but they’re not comfortable and they don’t make any sizes above the size I have. Thanks, Gap! There are assuredly jeans for me at Old Navy, but I’ve been wearing their clothes for my entire life and I’m just not excited about shopping there.
Because I’m a New Fat™️, I’ve never shopped at Torrid. But a trusted jeans-wearing friend was like, Torrid jeans rule. So on Cyber Monday I bought six pairs of Torrid jeans. They work! I kept three: two relaxed, mom-style jeans, and one pair of skinny jeans (gotta be me!).
I have no idea what will happen to these Torrid jeans after I wash them and wear them for awhile, but for right now, they fit and I feel like myself again. All it took was $1M, eleventy trillion hours and one hilarious pair of JNCOs.
To be continued!
Quick note. Always, always, always I am using the word “fat” as a neutral descriptor. When I say straight-sized, I mean someone who doesn’t wear plus sizes and can probably/usually walk into a store and buy jeans IRL. Mid-size queens, you do you. That convo/argument is not my ministry.
Thanks for being here!
I’m a subscriber to Virginia’s newsletter and my favorite is when she and Corinne do their Indulgence Gospel episode. I’m glad you linked to both of them. The more people who meet them, the better!
Hi Annette! Happy to find a kindred Burnt Toast spirit. I love Indulgence Gospel, too. Thanks for being here!