Boundaries June Challenge Part One
Do the quiz to learn just how healthy your boundaries are, learn what is realistically within your control in your life and work, and where to start first (clue: follow the resentment!)
Welcome to the first email of the June challenge, which is all about boundaries and why they are so important for genuinely effective self care, stress management, mental wellbeing and burnout prevention and recovery.
Over the next 4 weeks I will be sharing journal prompts, exercises and advice to help you to identify your boundaries, and how to start gently implementing them in a way that feels right to you and is respectful of others. We’re starting today by looking at your sphere of influence, how healthy your boundaries are right now, and where to start.
Firstly, I want to start by explaining why boundaries are so important in burnout. We know that a sense of perceived control and autonomy at work is essential not just for burnout prevention, but it’s a key factor in recovery too. To give you an idea of how important this is, in one study looking at a group of professionals off sick with burnout, at 2 years after being signed off the ONLY thing that made a difference as to whether or not they were back at work, was that sense of control.
However, quite often the workplace factors that burn us out are way outside of individual control. If you’ve been off sick with burnout, and you’re not able to control some of the wider factors that caused your burnout (such as working in a dysfunctional team, a poor physical working environment, poor pay etc) then you can gain this sense of control by implementing some gentle professional boundaries within your sphere of influence.
Exercise:
Identifying what is within your control- the sphere of influence
Grab a blank piece of paper and draw 2 circles, one large one and then one smaller one inside of it. Inside the smaller circle write down, “Things I can control” and then in the larger circle write down, “Things I cannot control”.
In the larger circle write down all the things that you’re finding are outside of your control in your life and at work.
In the smaller circle write down all the things you’re finding are within your control in your life and at work. It doesn’t matter how small they are, or even if it’s just controlling how you think about the challenges in your life.
The things you write in the smaller circle are the things that you can realistically tackle with effective boundaries.
Your boundaries can be:
Physical
Sexual
Emotional/Mental
Spiritual
Intellectual
Financial/Material
Time
Your boundaries are dynamic, metaphorical lines in the sand that present to others what you're available for and what you are not available for. You alone decide where your lines stand. When you are faced with requests or demands for your time or your energy, that is when your boundaries come into play.
Exercise: How healthy are your boundaries?
1. Do you feel comfortable, most of the time, saying no when someone is asking something of you that you’re unable to give or do or that goes against your principles? Yes/No
2. Do you usually refuse to take the blame for other people’s action? Yes/No
3. Do you expect and feel deserving of respect and kindness in your communication with others? Yes/No
4. Do you have a clear sense of self that is separate from other people’s identity (clearly being able to define your feelings, needs, passions, interests, etc.)? Yes/No
5. Are you comfortable accepting help and defining what you want help with and what you want to deal with on your own? Yes/No
6. Are you usually able to ask for space and alone time assertively and directly when you need some? Yes/No
7. Are you usually able to articulate your discomfort or dissatisfaction in an assertive way? Yes/No
8. Do you find it fairly easy to be vulnerable on your terms (i.e. you don’t overshare or find it difficult to open up)? Yes/No
9. Do you usually allow vulnerability to be mutual in your relationships (i.e. you don’t share more than the other person is willing to share)? Yes/No
10. Are you comfortable changing your mind about certain opinions or choices without feeling guilty? Yes/No
11.. Are you usually able to chose where and with whom you spend your time? Yes/No
12. Are you able to define and clearly communicate your sexual boundaries (i.e. what you’re comfortable and uncomfortable talking about or doing with your partner)? Yes/No
(Adapted from Ineffable Living, 2023).
The more yes answers selected, the healthier your boundaries are! Don’t worry if you have more no answers than yes- this email challenge will help you start to redress some of the imbalance.
For the purposes of this email challenge, and because I’m a burnout specialist, we’re going to be focusing on professional boundaries, but don’t forget that what I’m sharing can equally be applied at home and in other situations. In fact, often when we’re burnt out and exhausted, our boundaries aren’t just being pushed at work, they’re also being pushed outside of it, and learning these skills will benefit you hugely. Don’t forget that implementing your boundaries and being assertive is really hard- especially when you’re out of practice, and the people around you aren’t used to it- so you might find trying your new skills out in a safe place the easiest way to start.
I know looking back at my burnout journey that guilt precipitated my spiral into burnout. It made me work entirely without professional boundaries, and it also prevented me from making the right decisions about my recovery. I regret this hugely and wish that I had recognised and enforced my professional and personal boundaries earlier.
How do you know where to start? The best piece of advice I heard recently is to follow the resentment! When you start to experience that knowing resentment, that niggling voice in the back of your head that you shouldn’t have said yes to something, the anger, bitterness and frustration at repeatedly having to be there for others and having your own wants, needs and wishes ignored. That’s where you need to start.
Your Burnout Doctor Journal tasks for this week:
Complete the sphere of influence exercise
Do the Healthy Boundaries Quiz
Work out where your resentment is the biggest right now
Join me next week for the next in our series on boundaries, when I’ll be sharing some journal prompts to help you have a deep reflective dive on this topic! And if you are finding this email challenge helpful, please use the button below to share with others.