As pretty much all of you know, I’m an avid reader of early 20th century “Pulp” stories; action-packed tales of adventure and mystery. One of the writers I like best from that era is Robert E. Howard. He created dozens of characters, but the one he is best remembered for is Conan the Barbarian.
In one of the early Conan stories, The Tower of the Elephant the young barbarian enters a tavern where thieves and cutthroats gather to have a good time. He finds himself in the middle of a discussion between the thieves, and renders an opinion. This opinion is then mocked by all and sundry in the tavern. As one paragraph from the story reads:
The Cimmerian glared about, embarrassed at the roar of mocking laughter that greeted this remark. He saw no particular humor in it, and was too new to civilization to understand its discourtesies. Civilized men are more discourteous than savages because they know they can be impolite without having their skulls split, as a general thing. He was bewildered and chagrined, and doubtless would have slunk away, abashed, but the Kothian chose to goad him further…
This scene encapsulates my experience on the internet. When I first wandered onto the digital plane twelve years ago, I felt like an outsider. I’ve often felt very much like Conan in this scene; confused, embarrassed, angry. Often have I slunk away, abashed, after making some remark, to the great amusement of my interlocutors. I suppose I naively expected that if I treated people with courtesy and respect, they would treat me the same. This is not what happened at all.
There have been a number of times when I thought “You wouldn’t be so bold if you weren’t behind that screen.” As Proverbs 18:6 states: “A fool’s lips bring strife, and a fool’s mouth invites a flogging.”
Ed Latimore, one of the great Stoic philosophers of Twitter put it very well:
The most polite and courteous people I’ve ever met are men acquainted with violence; karate teachers, Marine Corps drill sergeants, boxers, etc. They learned to keep a lid on their darker thoughts and impulses, because if they didn’t, they’d be in VERY deep trouble.
The lack of consequences and face-to-face contact on the internet has made us accustomed to disrespecting each other. Then there are those who hide behind a facade of friendliness, while secretly harboring evil intent in their hearts, which they then release on Twitter or 4Chan to people just like themselves. They create this double identity; this Mr. Hyde who can act like a sociopath and face no real reprisal, while still maintaining a harmless exterior in public.
“But I’m just speaking the truth!”
No, you’re being nasty to placate your desire to tear other people down so you can feel powerful. Some people speak hard truths out of a genuine desire to help; they may wound, but they do it for the right reasons. Others, on the other hand, just spout vitriol because that’s who they are. They’re miserable, and they want you to be miserable, too.
So what do we do about it? Stop disrespecting people. Start being polite. Watch how you talk to people. Watch how you talk about people. Keep an eye on your thoughts, lest they become words, and your words become actions. Just behave like the type of person you want to respect, on and off the internet. Don’t make a facade for yourself; be real. Ask yourself “am I saying this out of genuine concern, or because I just want to be right? Am I being overly harsh to this person? To myself?” And don’t feed the trolls! That’s the worst thing you can do. If you give them the attention they crave, they will win. Don’t let them!
If enough of us start doing that, the world WILL be better off for it.