Hello my friends,
This will be a first for me: after publishing today's post, I am taking three weeks off for winter break with my family.
For today, I'm sensing a Spirit prompt to share what I've been learning about my inner critic in recent weeks. As I've written before, I've been working with the Gupta Program for a year as I seek to retrain my brain and nervous system out of old patterns of stress responses. I came to this work at the advice of my integrative medicine practitioner — for PTSD and anxiety that I experience.
It's been an awakening, healing journey with many layers. In addition to daily meditations and retraining, I've also joined a group coaching session which meets every other week. This also includes an encouraging and supportive group chat where we share our challenges and progress and cheer each other on. With each step along the path, I've availed myself of the various supports the program offers.
Most recently I'm coming to better recognize my inner critic. I'll explain. Dr. Richard Schwartz developed the Internal Family Systems model of identifying how parts of us hold us back in our healing. It's like in any family or group where different people play different roles which can hinder the whole group — even when well-intentioned. As Dr. Schwartz worked with clients over many years as a therapist, he began to see that we all have different internal roles that were often formed in childhood to protect us and keep us in attachment to caregivers, among other reasons. But these roles can be at odds with our adult wise Self who wants to heal, grow and transform. Those often child-like parts of us are still trying to keep us safe, attended to, connected, approved of, etc. The program incorporates Dr. Schwartz’s teaching along with many other mental health, medical and neurology studies.
One of the inner parts I've been especially noticing lately is the inner critic. I've always known that I have a self-critical and self-checking voice inside, but I thought I'd gotten past most of that. Because I don't often talk to myself in a harsh way as I once did (because I’d never talk to my family and friends like that), I assumed I had the inner critic in check.
But through recent meditations, retraining and other inputs, I'm realizing my inner critic isn't harsh necessarily, but it is insistent. I believe this is where my rushing tendency comes from and my self-consciousness. “Hurry up or you'll inconvenience others” or “you'll be a nuisance” or “you won't get it all done in time.” There's so much more to it than that, but that's the flavor of it: badgering me to operate better or not inconvenience or disappoint others or badgering me to keep it all contained.
Recognizing it and acknowledging that inner tendency is important. We recognize it's not our wise adult Self who is doing this; it's an old pattern to keep us from unwanted criticism or potential negative consequences. I'm learning to recognize those automatic inner responses to certain events, activities or stressors and kindly acknowledge it and then shift the focus elsewhere in the body. Taking the mind out of a negative loop is helped by literally reorienting our thoughts out of our heads to another area of the body that is neutral.
So instead of being in my head with my thoughts spinning about what I should do and how I should handle something better, I kindly interrupt it with a loving attitude — like I would a child or a pet that I care about — and then I focus my mind on my outer thighs, for example, noticing them and their strength or my elbows (Wow! I have elbows!). I hardly ever think of them and they do so much for me. So it is a way to be embodied, distracted in the best sense and strengthened. And then I tell myself that I'm at a better place than I used to be and I'm making new neural pathways as I imagine branches of light extending out around my head. And I remind myself that the Spirit is with me in this healing and is helping me to rewire old patterns. I then notice other things around me instead of being focused on an old, repetitive thought cycle.
All of this that I'm sharing is a combination of things I've learned from the coaches in the program and also things God has been showing me. The most profound part is relaxing the nervous system through daily meditation, rest and activities that are calming and re-centering (like my Qigong practice or outdoor times), because we have our best chance at forming new neural pathways when can just BE. A harried nervous system needs soothing to feel safe in order to work with our inner parts and our inner critic. We need enough distance from the thoughts in order to notice them and that happens as we calm ourselves in various ways. We then become the observer of our thoughts instead of enmeshed with them.
As we all look at the holiday weeks ahead, I pray we would be aware of our need for quiet and rest in amongst the bustle of gatherings and preparations. Let's be aware of our inner critic pushing us to do more than we are able, rushing us along in our tasks and causing us to compromise our own healthy boundaries. May we be the adult that we personally need — recognizing too that we can't be the adult for someone else who doesn't want to grow up.
I wish us all a light-filled season with moments of inner peace and a felt sense of God's love for us. Emmanuel, God is with us. Merry Christmas! Happy Holidays!
With love,
Jen
P.S.: I'll be back on January 9th, 2024 with my next post.
I love so many things about you but your efforts to overcome and improve yourself are commendable. I forwarded Allison this blog to my daughter as some of the programs you’re using might be a good avenue for her as well. Your words are always heart warming and eye opening. ❤️