A Tunnel or a Hole?
Is This Thing On?
Are you sure you want to do this?
Welcome!
“Is it a tunnel or a hole?”
To be honest I had no idea exactly what she was asking me. After all this was the first therapy session after my father’s suicide and quite honestly I didn’t want to be there. It’s quiet. So quiet that all I can hear is the hum of the mini fridge in my therapist’s office. I get up and go grab a mini diet coke from the bottom shelf. I’m pretty sure she keeps them there just for me. If you know me then this just makes sense.
“Is it a tunnel or is it a hole? The situation you’re in”
You see, a tunnel is something you move through. It has a beginning and it has an end. A hole, however, is something your’e stuck in. Something that has one way in and one way out. Something that feels a little more hopeless. It’s easy to get the two confused as sometimes a tunnel may be long enough that when you reach the halfway points it’s very easy to forget which way is which. You may not see the proverbial “light at the end of the tunnel” but you know it’s there. A hole has one way out.
“It feels like a hole. But it’s definitely a tunnel”
It’s easy to get caught up in these scenarios. It’s easy to feel like there’s no way out. If you’ve ever suffered from depression, anxiety or a litany of other mental health issues then you understand. You know these situations can feel like a weighted vest that weighs hundreds of pounds. It can feel like you’re drowning. I can assure you, you most certainly aren’t drowning.
“How long do you expect to be in the tunnel?”
Ok, I’m getting tired of these questions. This question implies I am in control of when I get out of the tunnel. That I am in control of the speed at which I navigate through this tunnel.
Damnit. She’s right.
Do I pay her to be right?
I should pay her more now that I think about it.
This seems like a lot for our first chat. The point is, whatever tunnel you find yourself in now, you’ll certainly be out of in time.
It’s never a hole.
It’s almost always certainly a tunnel.
We like tunnels.
See you on the other side.
Love,
B.
There could be holes. Situations can have holes …. You just have to ask yourself are you IN the situation or are you observing the situation. But I’ve seen holes. They can feel like they’re yours. That’s when i compartmentalize…. Am I a participant or observer. Can I fix it or is it worth my energy if not. Next.
LOVE LOVE LOVE!!! 12/10, would recommend! Can't wait for the next. Proud of you- hope you're equally proud of yourself!