Acing the First Meeting: A Simple Guide
Forget the pitch, forget uncomfortably inserting yourself. In any introduction or networking meeting, have a clear goal but focus on activating the connection.
Whether you love it or hate it, networking is a critical element of success in business. Building a strong network of connections is often the key to unlocking new opportunities, gaining important skills and knowledge, and amplifying your impact. Who you know plays a big role in how far you can go.
I hear all the time from my clients that they don’t like networking because it feels insincere or inauthentic. But it doesn’t have to be that way—and frankly, it shouldn’t. I define networking as the art of activating human connection in a business context for a shared common good. And that can be fun and authentic.
Transactional approaches to pitching yourself or your business are not how impactful connections are made. Instead, these connections are forged through relationship-first approaches that prioritize curiosity, authenticity, and empathy. This is what I call activating the connection. Whether you’re meeting for a casual coffee date, a job interview, or a discussion of a potential partnership or investment, focus on building trust and rapport to leave a lasting impression that encourages others to recommend and support you.
This approach can be applied to all types of meetings, but in this article, I’m focusing more on that looser-tie networking meeting as a startup founder that’s more introductory and exploratory. Why? Because I’ve seen again and again that these first meetings are where the real magic can happen—if you know how to approach them. There are of course exceptions to any rule, sometimes we only have time to quickly pitch our company, sometimes the other person doesn’t want to develop a deeper connection, and some people can be assholes and still accomplish their goals. In general, these are great concepts to keep in mind when you’re meeting with someone for the first time.
Activating The Connection
What does it mean to activate the connection? A successfully activated connection is someone who leaves the meeting trusting you, willing to support you, and ultimately comfortable recommending you to others. Activating the connection is showing up to a meeting in a way that gives you the greatest chance of making this happen. In my opinion, this is the main goal we want to keep in mind for these first meetings.
It’s important to have clarity about your desired outcome in advance of the meeting (ie. securing an investment, landing a job, sparking a partnership). Then when you are in the meeting, I want you to allow that goal to shift into the background and bring your connection with this individual to the foreground. There’s an element of trust here that things will work out for the highest good if you can ensure the human-to-human connection is strong.
Activating the connection is the art of networking with purpose and authenticity. By focusing on building trust and credibility, rather than just talking about yourself or your business, you create a foundation for fruitful and lasting relationships. Be genuinely curious about others, empathize with their needs and desires, and show them who you truly are. In doing so, you'll find that the people you meet are more likely to activate a strong and useful connection.
When you’ve successfully activated the connection, at the end of the meeting, the person you’ve met wants you in their network. They like you, trust you, respect you, and feel comfortable potentially moving forward with whatever next step you have (or keeping you in mind for another opportunity in the future). Essentially, they feel that you’re the type of person who can pull off your audacious vision. If they believe that you have a good chance of pulling it off, then you have successfully activated your connection.
I want to be clear that this is something different than purely pitching your business and having the other person get excited about it. Instead, you want to demonstrate your credibility and trustworthiness by how you behave in that meeting, not necessarily through your pitch. In essence: It’s not so much what you do or say, but your way of being that drives the outcome.
This requires you to be aware of what you want to make happen, but be willing to prioritize your bond with this person. Make it less about you and your desires, and more about getting to know the other person. Rather than diving into a rehearsed sales pitch, take a step back and truly engage with the other person. Who are they and how did they get to where they are? What lights them up about the work they do? You don’t need to ask these questions explicitly, but they should be front of mind. Start by engaging in thoughtful conversation about their aspirations, goals, and interests. Be present and listen actively when they respond. (This would be a great time to read, or revisit, my earlier blog post on the alchemy of heart-centered communication!) By showing a genuine interest in what they care about, you create an environment of trust and openness that can lead to a deeper connection, and potentially, a dynamic collaboration.
Here’s a quick rundown of the key elements to making an authentic human connection and opening up the possibility for genuine and impactful partnerships, collaborations, and mutual support.
Know Your Intention
Get clear on your goal or intention for the meeting. Before you meet with someone, it’s important to have some clarity on what you actually want to make happen with that person. You might be surprised that most people don’t take the time to consider this, and doing so can really set you apart.
Get real with yourself upfront. Are you looking to secure funding for your startup? Are you hoping to develop a partnership? Land them as a client? Get them interested in working at your company one day? Do you want this influential person on board with what you’re creating so they can tell their friends about it? Having that clarity up front will support you in being as effective as possible in that meeting. When we’re clear on our goals, we can take more aligned and impactful actions.
Remember, when you get in the meeting, I want you to have the main goal be to activate the connection. Trust that any synergy or resonance between you will work its magic in guiding any potential collaboration to its highest possible expression.
Warm It Up
Always start by building rapport. It helps to know your audience: research the people you’ll be meeting with, gathering all bits of relevant information to better understand their roles, interests, and any common ground you may have. Are you both from the same state? Do you have any shared friends or colleagues? Is there a buzzy issue in your shared industry that you can connect around? Spend a bit of time jamming on these points to warm things up at the beginning of the conversation.
Elevate Your Vibe
Research suggests that communication is up to 90% non-verbal, meaning that body language is a key ingredient to any connection. Maintain eye contact, offer a firm handshake, and display open (rather than closed) body language. These signals convey confidence, interest, and warmth. Does the way you’re sitting suggest that you’re relaxed and enjoying yourself? Is your tone friendly? Or are you showing up with tension and self-doubt? All of these things can be read almost instantaneously from your body language.
Meeting with a person whose energy is stressed or closed off doesn’t feel good. As if by osmosis, that energy flows to the other person and impacts the way they feel, whether they’re consciously aware of it or not. People want to connect with warm, positive energy. Authentic optimism and enthusiasm really do help grease the wheels.
Focus On Them, Not You
Again, resist the urge to talk solely about your business or personal achievements, especially at the start of the meeting. Instead, early on take a genuine interest in the other person’s aspirations, dreams, and challenges, even if you are there to pitch your company. Show that you care by asking thoughtful questions and actively listening to their responses. Before offering up what you stand for, create a safe and open space by connecting around the other person’s deeper aspirations.
You may fear that shifting the spotlight away from your own business or accomplishments will prevent you from making an impression, but the opposite is true. If you approach a meeting from a purely transactional place, then you will be vetted solely based on the merits of your business or pitch. There’s nothing wrong with that, and there are many situations that call for this approach. But as a rule of thumb, more meaningful and impactful things can happen when you focus on making the other person feel seen, appreciated, and understood. This approach is also incredibly supportive in tailoring how you talk about your business in a way that has a high likelihood of resonating with that person.
Bring Your Questions
Great leaders ask great questions. The best leaders don’t have all the answers, but they do have the right questions. If you can ask this person fantastic questions that display thoughtfulness and foster connection and depth, you are off to the races in making the other person feel confident that you’re the type of person who can pull off your vision.
How Can You Help?
Take it to the next level by determining what you can do, within reason, to support this person in achieving their goals. Reciprocity is powerful. Being the kind of person who supports someone else’s mission makes you much more likely to receive support in turn when you need it. Is there an intro you can make or a book you can recommend? Be on the lookout for ways that you can use your resources and expertise to help this person solve a problem or advance their cause. You can even ask, “Is there anything I can do to support you with this?” This often helps that person relax, permits them to share what they want, and provides a clear playbook for how you can support them.
Share Your Vision With Clarity and Resonance
Share what you’re up to—pitch even, if the situation calls for it. Be clear about what you’re trying to create and how this person can support your mission. Trust that if you have spent time making this person feel cared for and that you demonstrate your own credibility, the next steps will take care of themselves.
Share your vision and pitch in a way that complements the conversation rather than hijacks it. Show how your aspirations align with your deeper values and the impact you want to have on others. Remember that people are drawn to authenticity, and when they meet someone who is truly passionate about their dreams, they are more likely to support and recommend them.
Trust & Credibility
Building credibility is an ongoing process that extends beyond showcasing your influence and expertise in the initial meeting. One simple and underrated way to build credibility and trust is to make a promise and keep it. When the meeting comes to a close, clarify what the next steps are, meaning have a clear sense of ‘who is doing what by when’. Keep your promises and follow through on any commitments made during the encounter. Consistency in your actions reinforces the trust established during the meeting and strengthens your reputation as someone who keeps your word. It’s sad to say, but following through on any promise you make in that initial meeting will (in my estimation) put you into the top quartile of integrity among business leaders. You want to be the type of person who closes any meeting with clarity on what’s next, even if it’s something small. This will help them trust that you are the type of person who executes well.
There are many other ways to build credibility that you want to be mindful of leveraging in your meeting. For example, you can talk about your track record, demonstrate your knowledge of your industry, share recognizable clients that you work with, and share credible investors who are already committed.
As you venture into these meetings, keep in mind that success lies not only in what you say but also in how you make others feel. Be kind, respectful, and supportive, and always strive to create a positive and memorable experience for those you meet. You never know when a simple connection could blossom into a long-term partnership or an invaluable referral.
Good luck!