Criticisms
How Proactive Invitations will not only strengthen your community, but help suppress unreasonable criticisms.
Parents/Communication
I’ve been teaching and coaching for twenty-five years. I can count the number of unreasonable parents I have encountered on one hand.
There was the classroom dad who complained to the school board that I had opened windows during a class simulation of the assembly line and “wasted his tax money.” It was September.
There was the football mom, who after an embarrassing 60-0 loss asked for my coaching credentials to be revoked, and when that failed, called into a radio DJ to enlist public support. The team was made up of 12 year olds.
There was the football parent who after I removed his son as a captain because of lack of attendance, told me, “All a captain should have to do is go out for the coin toss and give halftime speeches.”
I consider myself a pretty empathetic person. On the rare occasion that my children have had less than a positive experience with a teacher or coach, I have always given the adult the benefit of the doubt. However, in all of the examples above, the reaction by the parent was so unreasonable that I didn’t know where to start. If you looked up the definition of dumbfounded in the dictionary, you would have found my picture under it.
Like many of my generation, when there was an issue with school or the team, my parents’ default response was to support the adult. There is a great scene in the Netflix series Derry Girls, which is a comedy about Catholic girls growing up in Northern Ireland. The teenage girls are in trouble with the Mother Superior. When the girls’ parents arrive, they start arguing with each other as to who is at fault. Each parent is sure that it was their own child who caused the problem and were not about to be silenced by the other parent. It culminates with the nun having to get between two mothers who are screaming “ You’ll not tell me, it was not my child’s fault!” It reminded me of my dad’s reaction on the rare occasion I got a negative report from school.
For better or worse, this assumption of responsibility does not exist anymore. I would argue that the reverse has evolved to where, as a teacher or coach, you are assumed guilty until proven innocent in the event of an issue.
As a leader of young people, you are statistically never going to be able to shield yourself from unreasonable complaints. However, through a technique that I was taught early in my career called Proactive Invitations, you can shape the parental environment so the classroom, or football team, becomes an extension of the home. This will strengthen the buy in from parents, and steal the oxygen away from unreasonable complaints.
In the classroom, I have used Proactive Invitations in the form of a short weekly email. The title of this email is plagiarized from a Saturday afternoon baseball show in the 1980’s called This Week In Baseball. Older readers might remember it as TWIB. I change the title to fit the course I am teaching. We have had This Week In History (TWIH), This Week In Economics (TWIE), and This Week In Civics (TWIC). I have not done This Week In Senior Education Center For Behavioural Issues (TWISECFBI), but I could, I would just need a smaller font.
In this email I briefly review the week’s content, preview the following week, and then provide a prompt for parents to talk to their child about. For example, if the email is from my American History course and we have covered the Bill of Rights, I might prompt the parent to ask their child’s opinion on the Supreme Court’s ruling that students can not be forced to stand for the pledge. I usually send the email on Sunday, a few hours after the Philadelphia Eagles lose. The email serves a couple of purposes. It keeps parents informed prior to any issues. That is the proactive part. However, the magic is in the prompt. If I can get just one positive dinner table conversation about my course, then the classroom has become an extension of the home and vice-versa. Once that happens, it's a lot harder to frame me as a villain if an issue comes up. Additionally, by reviewing and previewing the week’s material in short paragraphs, I am forced to prioritize learning content. On a Sunday night, that gives me content clarity for where I want to go that week. I have never had a Meet the Teacher Night or Open House where parents did not thank me for these emails. Twenty minutes out of your Sunday night will buy you ton of creditability and goodwill. Here is an example:
On the football field we use Proactive Invitations in two ways: Player Report Cards and our team newsletter. I got the idea for the report cards from Coach Rick Stewart and the newsletter was my wife Shandy’s idea when we started a youth football club back in 2014.
The Player Report Cards are issued twice a year, both times are at team gatherings where parents are present. The first is at the end of our Spring Camp and the second is at the end of Heat Week (formerly known as Hell Week- first week of the season). In the Player Report Card, I outline the role we feel the player will perform for the team in terms of playing time. Either a “Starter,” “Competitor,” or “Supporter.” I will further suggest what they need to do to either maintain or surpass this role. The report card concludes with an invitation to discuss. I insist that any discussion be over the phone or in person. No emails or text messages. The purpose is to be proactive in setting clear expectation about playing time, while the issuing at a team function with parents present, ensures parental involvement. Since I have been doing this I have had only one complaint about playing time and that came from a parent who joined late in the season. Here is an example:
Our second form of Proactive Invitation is our team newsletter. We publish this every six weeks. It’s purpose is similar to the classroom email, it reviews and previews the events of our program. However, we take special care to highlight players and their parents. Although this takes more effort than the weekly classroom mail, the return on the investment has been equally fruitful. I have had parents print it off and leave it in their office waiting rooms. I have had guidance counsellors print it off and post it on their bulletin board. I even had a local reporter ask to be on our mailing list so he couldnkeep up on our activities. However, the greatest compliment to the impact of this communication was when an opposing coach accused me of recruiting, because he found a copy of our newsletter in his school. Because of that, I now have to publish the newsletter exclusively through our school’s website. You can read the latest edition here:
https://22.files.edl.io/baab/02/26/24/213034-62483bc7-4d8e-4b68-9c21-77ac119e5a7f.pdf
Statistically speaking, you are always going to receive some unreasonable criticisms. Teaching and coaching is no different than any other public venue. If you put yourself in the public arena, sooner or later, someone is going to provide criticism that dumbfounds you. However, by communicating proactively, and providing space for the home to be involved, you will be given the benefit of the doubt. You will also strengthen your community so that the small fraction of unreasonable individuals are kept to just that.
A small fraction.