As someone who has personally reinvented herself and rewritten my life on multiple occasions, I wholeheartedly believe that our direction (facing our own true north) is more important than the speed at which we walk or hike or trek. The mountains we climb are ours to scale, whether it takes a a day, a week, a mother, or even a lifetime.
I spent the majority of the pandemic silently repeating the mantra, “If you don’t know where you are going, you will end up somewhere else.” A daily and sometimes hourly reminder to stay the path, to keep facing in the right direction, to keep trudging along despite the setbacks and the obstacles and the hurdles that continued to derail me and my dream. Constantly pausing to check in with myself to ensure I wasn’t headed in the wrong direction.
Somewhere along the way and despite my best attempts, I found myself ‘somewhere else’ entirely. I hate to admit it but I was wildly off course, busy chasing a dream that no longer felt important or relevant to me, and creating a life that I honestly didn’t want or even need. For me, the pandemic changed things, it changed me.
All the things that felt important in before-times suddenly felt all wrong, all the things I wanted pre-pandemic felt inconsequential and unimportant compared to what we had just survived. The space I had built was weighing me down, the vision I once held so clearly was now blurred, all of the excitement officially gone. The version of myself I had been busy creating, the dream I had been busy chasing, no longer felt like me or mine.
I had been here before and I most certainly did not want to be standing here again. As things shifted in the outside world, things shifted inside me and I could no longer ignore them. Truth be told ‘somewhere else’ is my own worst nightmare, waking up to a life I no longer recognized, unsure which direction to turn, a place where nothing feels quite right and taking another step forward feels damn near impossible.
Life has as mysterious ways of redirecting us or nudging us toward something when we need it most, but we almost always ignore or fight against these tiny warnings, determined to stay the course no matter the cost. Redirection requires deep reflection, but all too often we push forward despite these little whispers or miss the whispers entirely.
Sometimes the smallest step in the right direction ends up being the biggest step of our lives. For me, closing my dream was that step. While unbelievably heartbreaking, closing my dream was the first step I took to rightsize my life, yet again. Being honest with myself about how my own priorities had shifted and getting clear about the life I wanted to live, while taking into account the lessons I learned and the hurdles I cleared undoubtably redirected my life in the best (albeit difficult) way.
Letting go of something I once wanted so deeply in order to embrace an entirely different version of me wasn’t easy. Especially considering this other version of me was one that I could not yet see. These past years have felt impossibly hard, but growth is rarely easy.
When I close my eyes I see a new dream taking shape, a new mountain top just barely coming into view. It feels good to be staring down a new challenge, to finally be able to see a bit more clearly even though I know the road ahead will be long and difficult at times. For the first time in a long time I am excited to create something new, excited to once again have something to believe in and a direction that is guiding me forward.
If you are feeling stuck or lost or confused, or perhaps in a place you feel you have reached by mistake, I highly encourage you to close your eyes and imagine all that your life could be. Think of all the positive memories you have made recently or throughout your lifetime. Remember how strong you felt when you tackled your biggest obstacles, how incredible you felt when you landed your first job or secured your first promotion or launched your own business, how amazing it felt to quit a relationship or job or mindset that was holding you back.
Now shift your focus to the memories you have not yet made, imagine all the beautiful things you have not yet done, the dreams you have not yet tackled, the memories that haven’t yet begun. Whenever I feel unsure I close my eyes and remind myself where I have been and where I am going, grounding myself in something so much bigger than myself.
I believe that knowing what we want is the first step in getting and/or achieving it and I believe that sometimes we must slow down to speed up. Get grounded in where you have been while visualizing where you want to go, the direction in which you want to grow. Let your life play out behind your closed eyes, let these future memories that you are seeing guide you in a direction not yet known to you.
When your vision is complete and write down everything you have seen and take the first step toward making this vision your reality.
In a podcast I was listening to last week, the host said “Stop judging the timing of your life” - we get so hooked on we should have done this by now or this shouldn’t be this way anymore or why haven’t I done this yet. It was such a simple message and gave so much permission to trust the process. You are sharing a similar sentiment. Beautifully written.