To make a commitment is to make an agreement or pledge to do something, to dedicate oneself to a cause or activity, to bind oneself to a certain path, to decide to pursue a calling or goal wholeheartedly (regardless of the outcome).
More often than not, we know what we want but we are afraid to reach for it, to claim it, to commit. We doubt ourselves and our own desires, we worry what others will think, we question whether we will ever be able to achieve our own wild dreams. So instead of pushing ourselves forward we quietly hold ourselves back, living a life less than what we know it could be.
When we are surrounded with endless opportunities or competing priorities or multiple ideas, inaction often seems like the safest or best choice. We prefer to stand still, to stick with what we know, to avoid the risk of failure at all costs. I will be the first to admit that I spent many years waffling, not quite sure if I was ready to move in the direction of my desires and therefore holding myself back from building the life I actually wanted to be living, opting for less rather than reaching for more.
It is only through repeatedly pushing myself past my comfort zone that I ultimately found the strength to pursue my deepest desires. I recently made a commitment to myself, a commitment I did not plan on sharing, a commitment I honestly did not want to make. And as I sit here and write these words I find myself wrestling with this particular decision, wondering if I could perhaps turn and run the other way.
Arriving at this particular intersection, standing on this particular cliff, preparing myself for yet another leap feels equally exciting and terrifying. I know myself enough to know that commitment is when and where the journey truly begins, giving myself permission to lean in has repeatedly transformed my life.
I have reached a point where the risk of not committing feels far greater than the cost of making the wrong choice. I would rather try and fail to bring this idea to life than avoid the risk altogether and this is how I know that this particular commitment is worth pursing.
My commitment: I am writing a book.
Let me clearly state that I am not writing a book because I want to be writing a book, I am writing a book because I have no choice in the matter. I am writing a book because this book wants to be written through me. I am writing a book because this unwritten book has been plaguing me. I am writing a book because this is the one thing I simply cannot not do.
More than anything I want to retreat, to pick a different goal, to ignore this particular longing. I have tried everything I could think of to shut this desire down, I have turned the other way, I have busied myself with other pursuits, I have started and stopped, I have tried and failed to get my own words onto the page.
If I felt like I had any other choice but to commit to it I would absolutely take it. If I felt like I could live my life without this book I would continue on. If I felt like there was a version of me without this particular thing I would choose it.
While I feel wholly unprepared to try and tackle this desire, I am willing to meet the blank page each and every day in an effort to get out of my own way. I am starting with a big dream, an inner knowing, and a commitment to myself because this desire picked me and despite my best attempts it refuses to quit.
This book does not have a working title, it does not have a central theme. The only thing I know about this book is that I want to continue to explore the impact work and motherhood have on our sense of self. In order to meet this commitment half way, I have started writing it.
Current Word Count: not enough…
But I need your help, if you are interested in joining the conversation, in contributing your voice to the discussion, in helping me to achieve this far off goal, in helping me reach for this desire, in discussing the jobs and roles we play both inside and outside of motherhood, please book a call with me here.
Consider this your permission slip to start showing up for your desires as I actively chase mine. I hope that you will choose to join me on this journey, committing to yourself and tackling your own desires, leaning into instead of away from your own life. If you are seeking some accountability while committing to your own goals, you can join my virtual accountability group by becoming a paid subscriber.
What do you need to commit to? What is your version of my book?
The Latest Posts:
#56 Goals: Nothing will work unless you do.
#55 Knowing: Knowing is not enough, we must do what we know.
#53 Priorities: Know your priorities.
#52 Time: The days are long, but the years are short.
#51 Avoidance: Avoidance only delays the inevitable.
#50 Roadblocks: Roadblocks, Hurdles, Detours, Obstacles, and Closed Doors.
#49 Ideas: What do we do with our ideas?
#48 Lack: Overcoming lack is how we take our power back.
Full archive here.
The Latest from the Podcast:
Self/Talk: a weekly pep talk for your self.
#5: Work, Motherhood, and Self.
Join the conversation here.