We just wrapped up ‘No School November’ and my kids took this sentiment to a whole new level with a combined absence tally of 7 added to the prescheduled holiday count of 6 plus a handful of short days for teacher conferences, which means my kids collectively attended a grand total of 5 full days of school last month.
Meanwhile I had one of my more productive work months and did it all in less time than I had planned as I shouldered the heavy burden of motherhood. When I launched my first business almost 4 years ago, I did so with a steadfast determination to bring women together to pursue work, build businesses, and chase dreams but I never could’ve imagined or predicted how important my own flexibility would eventually be.
Navigating zoom school with a kindergartener while chasing a toddler and pivoting endlessly in an effort to keep my brick and mortar business alive offered me a crash course in ‘momtrepreneurship’ and I once again learned that nobody was coming to save me - there is no knight in shining armor, no fairy godmother and magic wand, no fortune teller with a crystal ball. This season of my life forced me to get extremely honest with myself about what mattered and what didn’t.
As we enter the busiest month of the year, I couldn’t be more relieved that my first business is behind me and that the business I am building now allows for the flexibility and financial independence I need to attend to the things that are important to me. But I never would’ve made it here without some serious self-reflection which offered me the clarity I needed to once again reinvent myself and realign my life.
This version of me would not exist without my nearly two year struggle with postpartum depression, my unexpected break up with my corporate career, my own loss of identity while staying home, my heartbreaking business failure in the midst of the pandemic, and a handful of other stumbles and challenges and yet I wouldn’t change a thing!
I have met far too many women who are holding themselves back not because it is what they want, but because they believe this is what is expected of them or because they are simply playing the hand they have been dealt. Women who are ambitious and determined but unsure which direction to head or which steps will take them closer to the life they actually want to be living.
As we catapult ourselves into the season of busy, I wanted to remind you that the busier you are, the harder it is to hear yourself think. Busy is a band-aid blocking you from the life you actually crave. Busy is saying yes when you really mean no or over-scheduling yourself and your kids until there is little time left for much else. I have felt this conflict first hand and believe the most important thing mothers can do is attend to themselves, securing their own oxygen masks first. I hung up my busy badge of honor years ago and I want the same for you.
There is no right way to mother, no one size fits all solution to this complex and often polarizing issue. But I believe raising strong kids requires a strong mother, raising brave kids requires a brave mother, raising kids who value themselves and others, requires valuing ourselves first.
As we begin to plan for the year ahead, I wanted to offer you something just for (you). Now is the perfect time to check in with yourself and set yourself up for future success, not in spite of but because of your kids.
Help Your Self is a weekly opportunity to check in with yourself because I have repeatedly learned that nothing will work unless (you) do. Switching careers without addressing the repeated burnout that continues to surface will only lead to future burnout. Building a business without getting clear on why you want said business to exist will stunt your long term success. Starting a passion project or side hustle without first uncovering and challenging your own limiting beliefs will ultimately stall your forward progress. We must work on ourselves to make our lives work for us.
I invite you to participate in my December Help Your Self Challenge. It is free, requires very little from you, and is sure to provide you with a bit more peace of mind and personal and professional alignment. All month long I will be sending small, bite-sized prompts and exercises with tangible takeaways designed to help you attend to your well-being, align your life, and get clear on your goals prior to the New Year. Let’s get started right now!
Challenge #1: Know Your Self.
Make a list of all the way you can stay true to yourself this holiday season and beyond.
Questions to ask yourself:
Are you a homemade cookies or store bought cookie kind of mom? Don’t commit to the frustration of baking your kids class party treats if buying something someone else made would bring you more joy.
Are you a jammies and a good book or Netflix special type of gal? Stop saying yes to hours of streaming if you prefer the pages of a book and vice versa.
Are you a coffee date or happy hour type of friend? Before you click yes on the endless holiday party invites, make sure they feel fun and meaningful for you.
Are you a wrapped present or gifted experience type of person? Stop asking for fuzzy socks or a warm robe if what you really want (and need) is a day at the spa.
After answering these questions, make a list of all the ways you WILL and WON’T show up this December.
Here is mine:
I will decorate cookies with my kids. I won’t bake said cookies from scratch, opting for Pillsbury cookie dough and frosting will save me a lot of time. Fun fact, I attended culinary school in my twenties as a side hobby but despite being an excellent baker, fresh baked cookies is not worth my precious time and my kids do not care how the cookies got made or what they taste like.
I will let my husband move our Elf on the Shelf because I always forget and secretly wish he would fly away forever (shhh…don’t tell my kids). I won’t feel guilty for loathing this holiday tradition even though my kids absolutely love it.
I will schedule quality time with my real life friends. I won’t waste time endlessly scrolling social media as these are not the connections I value most (sorry not sorry).
I will plan time for myself because while I didn’t realize it until my late 30’s I am actually an introverted-extrovert and spending time with just me is how I refill my cup. I won’t feel bad for needing a break during the chaos of the holidays, even a half hour solo coffee date returns me to me.
I will skip buying a present for my husband and plan an awesome date night instead. I won’t waste my time scrolling for the “perfect” gift for him to put under the tree because neither of us like things and much prefer experiences.
What’s on your list? What will bring you the most joy this December? How can you take care of yourself? What can you avoid or opt out of?
Share one thing you are including on your will/won’t list in the comments below and you will be entered to win a ‘Putting the Her back into Motherhood’ t-shirt and a Free 30 minute coaching call with me.
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Want more?
My coaching practice is currently full, but I have plenty of good things coming in the New Year! For now, download my FREE Help Your Self workbook designed to help you connect to yourself and align your vision with your values, perfect for anyone in the midst of a transition or looking to work on themselves.
Ways Help Your Self can help you:
Check in with yourself and clearly see where you need to be putting your time.
Identify what’s working and what’s not.
Notice the thoughts, behaviors, and patterns that are holding you back.
Get clear on your values and align your vision.
Stop saying yes when you really mean no.
Ask for help and accept help when offered.