Joy is defined as a feeling of great pleasure and happiness and we happen to be smack dab in the most ‘joyful’ month of the year; a time for family gatherings and celebration. But for years, December left me feeling even more stressed out and overwhelmed than the other 11 months of the year. It was hard for me to find any joy in the busyness of the season as I was so ‘busy’ making sure this season was perfect for everyone else, I often neglected myself. It took me years to right-size my life and I still have plenty of pinch myself moments because I can’t quite believe this life is actually mine.
Just last week, I was sitting in bed with my laptop after putting the kids to sleep, compiling notes for a coaching client, putting together a custom roadmap for a consulting client, creating personalized homework assignments for another, and brainstorming all the ways I could better support women in their personal and professional growth as my private practice has hit capacity for the foreseeable future.
I must have been smiling because my son wandered in, peeked over my shoulder, and asked “Mommy do you love your work?” He caught me so off-guard that I didn't even have a chance to ask him why he was out of his bed before I turned to him with tears in my eyes because for the first time in his entire life my answer was a resounding YES!
His response to my tears was, “Me too mommy, I love school so much it sometimes hurts. And my friends think I am weird for loving it so much but it just makes me so happy.” I smiled from the inside out before telling him not to worry about what other people think and to just focus on being himself. As these words left my mouth I couldn't quite believe my own ears because these were the exact words every younger version of myself truthfully needed to hear.
Don’t worry about what other people think, just focus on being yourself.
This lesson and this conversation perfectly sums up exactly why I have been on this personal treasure hunt; motherhood kickstarted a nearly decade long journey of self discovery and forced me to let go of every job, story, and limiting belief that no longer served me or my family.
While this after bedtime conversation didn’t last long, it affirmed everything I personally believe. We live in a society that will repeatedly tell you that your value as a woman, your career, your independence, and your mental health are less important than your children, but your children would not exist without you. Raising strong kids requires being a strong mother. Raising brave kids requires being a brave mother. Raising kids who value others requires valuing ourselves.
As I escorted my son back to bed, I realized everything had led me right here - every tough moment, every personal struggle, every devastating heartbreak, every hurdle, and every failure. These ‘things’ were not only necessary but life changing, forcing me to grow in ways I never would’ve chosen for myself so that I could respond wholeheartedly to my sons question, so that I could be honest with myself about what I needed in order to show up for my family, so that I could right size my own life again and again, so that I could teach my kids what it looks like to show up unapologetically as ourselves, and so that I could support other women in doing the same.
The truth is I love my work more than I ever could’ve imagined, more than I thought possible, more than I ever dreamed, but the process of unlocking this version of me was anything but easy. I have done a lot in the past ten years, but nothing has felt as fulfilling or satisfying or special or ‘joyful’ as this and this is exactly why I do the work that I do. So that you can be honest with yourself about which needs can be met through motherhood and which needs must be met through the continued development of self, so that you can stop settling for ‘good enough’ when we both know you were called for something more, so that hopefully you can smile back at your kids too.
I feel so much joy when someone trusts me to support them in their own growth, with their ideas, their fears, their stories, and their vision for their life. But I believe this joy also stems from never having given up on myself, continuously pushing myself outside of my comfort zone in pursuit of the truest and realest and bravest version of me without which I never would’ve unlocked the joy I feel for my work, my family, and my life. If I am being completely honest, nothing makes me happier than my kids witnessing my joy and knowing the real me and more than anything I want the same for you.
All month long I have been hosting the Help Your Self Challenge, a weekly opportunity to check in with yourself because I believe we must work on ourselves in order to make our lives work for us, not the other way around.
The Help Your Self Challenge is free, requires very little from you, and is sure to provide you with a bit more peace of mind. These small, bite-sized prompts and exercises offer tangible takeaways designed to help you attend to your well-being and align your life because I have repeatedly learned that nothing will work unless (you) do. Before I sign off for the holidays, I wanted to send you one more prompt and a little food for thought.
In case you missed it, the other challenges can be found here:
Challenge #3: Identify what brings you joy?
While this might seem like a simple and straightforward question, it can be surprisingly hard to answer and nearly impossible to quantify. Joy is often fleeting and especially hard to pinpoint. What brings us joy in one season may not remain the same in the next. But I believe that unlocking our joy is often the first step in unlocking our true selves whether it takes a day, a week, a month, a year, or even a decade. I believe joy is contagious and that is the energy I want you to bring home to your family and friends.
Questions to ask yourself:
When are you your most joyful self?
Who are you with when you feel the most joy?
What are you doing when you feel the most joy?
What lights you up from the inside out?
How can you choose to center your life around joy?
What steps do you need to take to unlock and allow more joy to flow into your life?
What would a joyful like look like for you?
This is the last week to be entered to win a ‘Putting the Her back into Motherhood’ t-shirt and a Free 30 minute coaching call with me - simply share one thing that brings you joy in the comments below.
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Additionally, I have been working hard behind the scenes to create a new group offering that will launch in the New Year designed to help you develop and expand and actualize your best self.
Self/Made is for women who mean business: a 3 month group coaching container designed to help you unlock your purpose and your profits. A combination of accountability, consulting, and group coaching designed to help you up level your life and your work while supported and surrounded by other women doing the same.
If this sounds like you, simply hit reply and I will forward you all the details plus you will be eligible for some pretty amazing deals. The first person to join the cohort will receive the entire program for 1/3 of the price and the second and third person to join the cohort will receive the entire program for 1/2 of the price.
Plus if you sign up to join Self/Made before December 31, 2023 I will also send you a copy of my bonus Vision Planner spreadsheet - the exact tool I use to plan and execute all of my big ideas and keep track of my monthly, quarterly, and revenue goals.
I wasn’t really planning to announce this new offering until the New Year, but I wanted to offer a special bonus for my Substack subscribers as a thank you for reading my newsletter and supporting this extension of my work. In order to be eligible for early bird pricing and to sign up now, you need to message me directly as the selling link won’t be live until 2024 - simply hit reply to secure your spot.
The Latest Self/ish Posts:
#64 Non-negotiables: Make time for the things that matter to (you).
#63 Help: Nobody is coming to save you, you must help your self.
#61 Visualize: Visualize your best self and start showing up as her.
#60 Clarity comes from engagement, not thought.
#59 Money: Women deserve to be paid.
Full archive here.
The Latest from the Self/Talk Podcast:
#5: Work, Motherhood, and Self.
Join the conversation here.
P.S. Here are four ways I can support you right now:
Download the free Help Your Self workbook designed to kickstart your self-discovery journey.
Pick a random number between 1-65 and go read that past newsletter in my archives for instant guidance. I got #39 and my own words still ring true.
Join the Self/Made group coaching container to unlock extra special savings and receive your bonus Vision Planner to get started right away!