Long before I found the courage to build my first business (and then my second), I very much had a ‘one day’ approach to life. I repeatedly told myself I would find another job when my current work slowed down, settling for less while secretly hoping for more. I eventually left my career behind to take care of my kids and then told myself I would carve out more time for ‘me’ once they were a bit older, neglecting my own needs and ignoring my own desires. As my kids grew, so did my ever present longing for more, but I once again reasoned that launching a business with two young kids in tow didn’t make much sense, so I blocked that desire and quietly wished for ‘one day’ to arrive.
My desire to be everything to everyone else meant I almost entirely neglected myself and despite my persistent longing, ‘one day’ never arrived. The problem was there was always another obligation standing in my way, another kid to raise and not nearly enough time to start the one thing I really truthfully wanted. My busyness was blocking me from starting my business.
And then, the day came (as it almost always does) when my desire to change outweighed my desire to stay the same. When the risk to pursue the dream on my heart was actually less risky than ignoring the voice that kept urging me to start. So against my own better judgement I decided to stop waiting for one day and instead opted for day one.
I decided to get out of my own way. I decided to start getting serious about my goals. I decided to pursue the things that were important to me, not in spite of but because of my kids. While none of these decisions came easily for me, I learned a very valuable lesson:
Everything changes when we decide.
To decide is to come to a resolution in the mind. To push past our excuses and our fears, to get clear on what we want rather than focusing on what we don’t yet have. I have repeatedly seen that one of the biggest things holding women back is our own indecision. Our desire to be everything for everyone all at once leaves us depleted and disconnected from ourselves. We try to do it all, but instead feel like we are failing at everything. We pile on more and more rather than focusing our attention on what we actually want.
But here is the key, the one thing I wish somebody had told me:
Every woman must decide to stay true to herself or choose to stay true to the world.
Ignoring ourselves in order to stay true to the world is a sign that the system is working, that society and the pressures it puts on women and especially mothers have been learned and put into practice. I spent years convinced that the needs and well-being of my kids were more important than my own, but during that time none of us were thriving. It was only in flipping the script, in choosing myself, that my kids got to know the real me and I have never once regretted my decision to choose this road, to leave behind my ‘one day’ mindset, to start showing up for myself.
(You) are free to decide how you want to live your life. Decide what you want. Decide who you want to be. And then center all of your positive energy around that want, that desire, and those needs. And I can promise you, your life will change. Once you decide, once you make up your mind, it is more difficult to change course should the road conditions worsen (and they probably will, at least for a bit). But energy is contagious and the energy you put out into the world is the energy that gets reflected back to you. It’s time to make up your mind and decide.
If you are looking for some additional support in ‘deciding for yourself’ you can join me for my FREE MONTHLY COACHING CALL taking place on Wednesday, January 10th at 10AM where we will be ‘Deciding on our Direction’ for 2024. Register here.
Or better yet, join the Self/made group coaching cohort starting in January 2023 and we will help you decide, align and actualize your deepest desires. From idea to execution, Self/Made is designed to help you unlock your purpose and profits alongside a supportive group of women who are doing the same. You deserve to live the life you keep dreaming about. It is time to invest in yourself. Early bird pricing ends December 31st and you don’t want to miss these deals!
The Latest Self/ish Posts:
#65 Joy: Identify what brings you joy and choose that over everything else.
#64 Non-negotiables: Make time for the things that matter to (you).
#63 Help: Nobody is coming to save you, you must help your self.
#61 Visualize: Visualize your best self and start showing up as her.
#60 Clarity comes from engagement, not thought.
#59 Money: Women deserve to be paid.
Full archive here.
The Latest from the Self/Talk Podcast:
#5: Work, Motherhood, and Self.
Join the conversation here.
P.S. Here are five ways I can support you right now:
Download the free Help Your Self workbook designed to kickstart your self-discovery journey.
Register for my free monthly coaching call taking place on Zoom on Wednesday, January 10th at 10AM where we will be ‘Deciding on our Direction’ for 2024.
Pick a random number between 1-65 and go read that past newsletter in my archives for instant guidance. I got #39 and my own words still ring true.
Join the Self/Made group coaching container to unlock extra special savings and bring your desires to life - early bird pricing ends December 31st.