Transformation is a thorough or dramatic change in form or appearance. I recently learned that we swap out nearly half of our carbon atoms every one to two months and we replace a full 98 percent of our atoms every single year.* This type of nuclear transformation happens without our even knowing it, but personal transformations are rarely this discreet.
Tomorrow marks 9 years since I became a mother and I have at least 9 past versions of me to mark this significant passage of time. There was the over-achieving career person I thought I wanted to be, the struggling new mom determined not to let anyone know how alone I felt, the seriously dark postpartum depression survivor forced to pick up the pieces of my life, the under-fulfilled stay at home mom desperate to make it work, the dreamer who actually conquered her dream, the failed business owner grappling with what to do next, the personal growth coach I never knew I wanted to be, the unexpected writer who suddenly found her words, and everything in between.
If I had known that motherhood would catapult me on my own path toward personal growth and self discovery, I might have entered into it more gently, a little less attached to the parts and pieces of me that I thought I needed, a little less afraid to meet every new version of me along the way. And yet, embracing change is not something that we are taught, so I mostly fought it.
Prior to having kids I was terrified of change, and I spent years building a life that allowed for as little change as possible. I held on to things that no longer served me, I dedicated myself to a career path that led in one direction, I based my choices on what felt comfortable rather than what felt true. But motherhood changed me and despite my best attempts those changes arrived like a Mack truck that was determined to right size my life.
Shortly after the birth of my son, the carefully constructed glass house I was living in shattered and I was forced to shed every past version of me at rapid speeds in order to simply survive. While my personal reinventions weren’t always easy and mostly unwanted, I have come to see how change is not only necessary but inevitable. And looking back I can clearly see that my own personal changes, despite being incredibly uncomfortable, returned me to myself in the best possible way.
Shortly after closing my first business a tiny little package arrived in the mail, inside was the most beautiful little gold phoenix charm and a little note reminding me that just like the phoenix, an immortal mythological bird, I would somehow be reborn by rising from my own ashes. This is still my most treasured gift and a daily reminder that just like the phoenix, we must decide not to let our own personal changes derail our lives, we must find a way to regenerate not in spite of but because of them, we must choose transformation.
The truth is I have come to love every past version of me. Embracing my own changes and my own growth brought me closer and closer to myself and I have come to believe that I needed the Mack truck to knock me to my knees in order to actually see what was important to me. I needed to feel alone in motherhood in order to find and create the type of connection I personally craved. I needed to endure my own darkness in the form of postpartum depression in order to find my own inner light. I needed to feel under-fulfilled in motherhood in order to figure out my own life. I needed to open and close my dream in order to embrace an entirely new version of me. I needed to stumble upon coaching in order to find something even more fulfilling for me personally. I needed to find my own words in order to fully recognize myself.
When I look back over the past 9 years I cannot help but notice that the parts of my story that once haunted me have become the driving force toward creating the change I wish to see not just in myself but for others. I would willingly accept all of the breaking and changing and rearranging time and time again because each crack in my own foundation made room for something even more beautiful to form, each roadblock and stumble became the catalyst for something even more true to arrive.
And so, I will share with you the one thing I wish someone had shared with me; you are free to change, you do not have to remain the same. But you must decide what you want your life to look like. And if your current reality doesn’t match that vision, you must be brave enough to start making the necessary changes. If you stick with the less comfortable path long enough you may just look back with awe and wonder, astonished that your hardest moments were actually setting you up for your absolute best. With time, you may be able to look in your own rearview mirror of life and smile at all that you have lost, but actually gained. And this is what I believe transformation is all about, a not so subtle rearranging of your own puzzle pieces of life until things fit just right.
Looking for support? Here are four ways I can support you right now:
You must decide what you want your life to look like. Everything changes when you decide. Register for my FREE MONTHLY COACHING CALL taking place TOMORROW Wednesday, January 17th at 10AM on Zoom where we will be ‘Deciding on our Direction’ for 2024 and commit to the year ahead. Side note: we are 65% more likely to achieve our goals if shared.
You deserve the life you keep dreaming about. Two of my current coaching clients are on standby this month which means that I have a tiny bit of availability in my schedule. If you have been dreaming about creating a more fulfilling and financially free life, now is your chance to work with me. Plus research has shown that accountability partners increase your chances of success by 95%, let me be yours!
Nobody is coming to save you, you must help your self. Download the free Help Your Self workbook designed to kickstart your self-discovery journey. Research show that you are 35% more likely to achieve your goals and vision if it is written down.
Sometimes you need guidance to point you in the right direction until you can unlock it for yourself. Pick a random number between 1-67 then go read that past newsletter in my archives for instant guidance. I got #9 which is all about dreams, somehow very fitting for the beginning of the year.
The Latest Self/ish Posts:
#67 Incubate: All good things take time.
#66 Decide: One day or day one, you decide.
#65 Joy: Identify what brings you joy and choose that over everything else.
#64 Non-negotiables: Make time for the things that matter to (you).
#63 Help: Nobody is coming to save you, you must help your self.
#61 Visualize: Visualize your best self and start showing up as her.
#60 Clarity comes from engagement, not thought.
#59 Money: Women deserve to be paid.
Full archive here.
The Latest from the Self/Talk Podcast:
#5: Work, Motherhood, and Self.
Join the conversation here.
* We are all made of stars: The long trip from the big bang to the human body by Bryn Nelson
We uncover so many versions of ourselves during motherhood! I like to think it's all the layers peeling off to return us to who we truly are. Can't wait for our coffee date.