Every single time I share my words I want to hide, I want to run the other way, sometimes I even feel nauseous or like I might be sick. The more vulnerable the words, the worse my symptoms. The more important the piece, the more exposed I feel.
Vulnerable (adjective): susceptible to physical or emotional harm, to be without protection.
Putting yourself out into the world in any way is vulnerable work. Writing is vulnerable, creativity is vulnerable, art is vulnerable. In many ways, I have come to see this vulnerability as key. The more terrible I feel after posting or sharing, the more truth can be found in my words and with any luck, that truth will lead to connection. But that does not make the process any easier.
Brene Brown once said, “Vulnerability sounds like truth and feels like courage.” Is it the truth that makes me feel so sick? And why do I feel that I need to be so courageous? If sharing my work and my words makes me want to shrink and disappear, why do I continue doing it? Why am I so unwilling to turn away? Why am I unable to ignore whatever it is I am trying to say?
I believe I continue returning to the page not because it is what I want, but because it is the one thing I truly need. I have identified that writing makes me feel the most like me. I did not set out to become a writer, I didn’t choose this path, this path chose me.
I have identified that writing makes me feel the most like me.
And despite my best attempts, I simply cannot ignore it. I do not share to be seen, I write to find meaning and to help other women ‘see’ through me. I never know who my words will reach, I can never anticipate what each woman will need, I simply write whatever wants to be written through me.
Truth be told, I want my words to speak for themselves. I want to send them out into the great abyss and for them to reach their intended audience - the words intended audience, not mine. And then I mostly want to hide. When someone compliments my work, or tells me they found themselves through my words I am equal parts shocked and also reminded that we find ourselves in others.
If we are only sharing or offering 50% of ourselves then at best we can expect is 50% in return. But for better or for worse, I have never been a half-in type of person. Which is why I bring my whole self to the page, it’s why I meet vulnerability every single day.
The Latest Self/ish Posts:
#72 Comparison: What if comparison is trying to deliver you back to yourself.
#71 Stay: Why staying home didn’t work for me.
#70 Mirrors: Objects in mirror are closer than they appear.
#69 Strength: May your struggles help you find your strength.
#68 Transformation: Change is inevitable, transformation is a choice.
#67 Incubate: All good things take time.
#66 Decide: One day or day one, you decide.
#65 Joy: Identify what brings you joy and choose that over everything else.
#64 Non-negotiables: Make time for the things that matter to (you).
#63 Help: Nobody is coming to save you, you must help your self.
Full archive here.