I recently took a much needed pause in order to disconnect from my phone and spend some uninterrupted time with my kids for their Spring break. By the Friday prior I could already feel the turning of the tide, as more and more friends and acquaintances boarded planes and shared images of hotel arrivals and covetable vacation locations, I could feel my tension rise.
Truth be told I had my own vacation coming, but I knew that any additional time spent online would ruin mine. And so in that moment, before giving it a second thought I logged off. I disconnected my instagram account from my phone and accepted the realization that paying attention to someone else’s picture perfect life would most definitely detract from my own. This decision is nothing new as I routinely sign offline when my kids are out of school, a necessary coping mechanism and lifeline as the more time I spend online the less I actually enjoy mine.
The more time I spend online the less I actually enjoy mine.
To disconnect is to break the connection of or between things, but like everything there are two sides to this definition. To break the connection with one thing, simply means we have room to pick up or form connection with another. As humans, we only have the capacity to hold or experience so much. The sensory overload of the ever changing and ever expanding internet often leaves me feeling disconnected, detached, and depleted.
Disconnect (verb): to break the connection of or between things; lacking contact with someone or something.
Keeping up with the lives of others feels impossible in a space as expansive as the internet. By disconnecting or detaching myself from this never ending cycle, I was able to make space for a different type of connection. My mind was less scattered, my attention was less fractured, my brain was more calm. Putting down the lives of others allowed me to fully appreciate my own. In my case, disconnecting from one thing made space for a truer connection to the other.
Putting down the lives of others allows me to fully appreciate my own.
I have repeatedly found that the more attached I am to the storylines of others happening inside of my phone, the more detached I am from my own. There will always be someone who has it better than you, whose vacation or life seems highly covetable. Whose picture perfect highlight reel has you questioning your own. But there will also always be someone who has it worse, life is about carrying both sides.
When I am disconnected from the phone in my hand and the things happening off in internet land, I am attuned to my environment, more aware of my surroundings, more able to see and understand. By choosing to disconnect from my phone, I am better able to connect to the life happening right in front of me. While on vacation, I noticed a twenty something wayward traveler possibly down on his luck. He had nice enough things and didn’t seem homeless to me, but he still seemed in need.
And then on our last night, I noticed him once again. This time he had positioned himself at an intersection, without a word he repeatedly pushed the button to allow all the tourists to seamlessly cross the street. I watched him for a moment but noticed most people were completely unaware of him being there. Family after family crossed the street without a glance or thank you, which made me wonder if they actually saw him and choose to ignore his kind act or if they were perhaps caught up in their own vacation high and therefore completely unaware of him sitting nearby.
After dinner, with a box of leftovers in hand, I approached him. I was a little apprehensive that he might be offended or that I had read the situation incorrectly, but I made the decision to offer him what I had. More than anything I wanted him to know I saw him and that he wasn’t alone. His response was perhaps the best memory of my entire trip as he was truly elated to hold my leftover dinner in his hand.
My kids noticed this exchange and as we walked away my 6 year old daughter grabbed my hand and asked, “Mommy, why did you give that man your food?” My answer, “Because he needed it more than me.” Her response, “But what if he hadn’t wanted it?” My answer, “That was a risk I was willing to take.” My son, “Mom, I think you just made that man’s day.”
And it was then and there, on a random street corner in a far away town that I realized this is the type of connection I crave; real life, human to human, kindness and compassion; the acknowledgment of one another. What I didn’t recognize until later is that in giving we receive, as that exchange and the subsequent conversation with my kids has stuck with me ever since.
And yet, I have repeatedly found that this type of exchange rarely if ever happens online. The blurred edges of our online life do not leave much room for genuine connection. In fact, more often than not by tuning into the internet we are actually tuning out other more important things.
The truth is, I am less and less interested in holding the lives of others in my phone and more interested in reaching my hand out to strangers on the street. I would much rather share my food with a stranger in need than post pictures of it on my Instagram feed. Had I been focused on looking at my phone, I might have missed this entire exchange and that man might have remained hungry because I would’ve been too busy quietly consuming someone else’s life, but at what price?
While I am back from vacation, I have zero interest in signing back online. This is also nothing new for me as each pause or break I take reaffirms all that I gain from living this way, in ignoring the internet completely I honestly feel more complete.
In ignoring the internet completely I honestly feel more complete.
I returned home exhausted in the best way, full of memories and once again ready to embrace the blank page plus slightly more sure of what I want to say. It also affirmed my desire to share my words rather than pictures of my kids.
Below are a few take aways from my time offline:
You must disconnect to truly connect - do not be afraid to put one thing down in order to obtain another.
Open your eyes to all of it - don’t let the internet distract you, there are two sides to every story.
In giving we receive - each of us has the capacity to give to others in our own way, don’t be afraid.
When or if you feel the need to escape, it may be time to take a break.
If you are interested in other random pondering on the subject of social media, I have written about it here and here and here.
In the spirit of giving and offering the support I once desperately needed, I have made the decision to offer free 30 minute coaching calls through the end of this month.
If you think you could benefit from brainstorming and troubleshooting your own career transitions, work pauses, and identity shifts; or if you simply want to talk through your own experience navigating work and motherhood, book a free call below.
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