“There’s this weird societal belief that when you become a mother so much of your woman-ness becomes less, but anyone who has sat beside the process of becoming a mother can tell you that there’s nothing but expansion in that process and in that journey. You only become more.” - Jodie Turner-Smith
Motherhood is often described as a self-less act, but motherhood is not meant to be martyrdom and glorifying it as such is bad for both mothers and kids. I have yet to meet a mother whose identity hasn’t changed upon welcoming kids and I have made it my mission to ensure mothers feel seen, heard, and supported in reconnecting and rediscovering those lost parts of themselves.
I have mothered every which way over the years and the thing that fills me most and allows me to mother best is my independence, the ability to carve out space to think and work and create independent of my kids. This isn’t about ‘working’ versus ‘staying home’ but more about staying true to who I am, carving out time to fully nurture myself allows me to fully nurture my kids.
I am constantly torn between pursuing work and simultaneously managing life with small humans. This juggle that has become even more difficult in the midst of a pandemic as the days, weeks, and months when I need and crave my independence the most are the days, weeks, months when my kids need me most.
The line between work and motherhood has never been more blurred and the lack of support for mothers, regardless of employment status, has never been more clear. Countless women have been forced to choose between their careers and their kids, but why can’t women choose themselves?!
We live in a society that will repeatedly tell you that your value as a woman, your career, your independence, and your mental health are less important than your children, but your children would not exist without you. I don’t believe motherhood should ever be a self-sacrifice, I believe our children deserve the best and fullest versions of ourselves.
I wish that motherhood filled me up completely, but it doesn’t. I choose to work not in spite of but because of my kids. I work so that I can fill myself up and then pour that love into my family, I work because it fills me in ways that motherhood does not.
There is no right way to mother, no one size fits all solution to this complex and often polarizing issue. Raising strong kids requires a strong mother. Raising brave kids requires a brave mother. Raising kids who value themselves and others, requires valuing ourselves.
There is also no greater burden on a child than the unfulfilled hopes and dreams of a parent. You do not have to choose between being fulfilled and being a mother. We need to stop asking women to limit themselves and instead start asking them who they want to be and what they need to get there!
The quotes in this article came from her Vogue interview, Jodie Turner-Smith Reflects On Motherhood’s Awakening With Gucci Bloom. The article explores transformation and awakening in the midst of motherhood and is definitely worth a read.