I haven’t been in the mood to write.
I haven’t been in the mood to write because I have been ignoring the ‘thing’ that actually wants to be written.
I haven’t been in the mood to write because the ‘bigger’ project that has been tugging on my heart for years still remains unseen.
I haven’t been in the mood to write because the longer I try to ignore this ‘big thing,’ the harder it becomes to write anything at all.
Which leaves me at a bit of a crossroads. The way I currently see it, I have two very different choices:
I can continue to ignore the longing, avoiding the project I feel the most ill-prepared to complete. I can continue to distract myself and to pretend not to know. I can continue to search for other more attainable ideas while at the same time turning my back on myself.
Or I can get out of my own way. I can lean into my own discomfort. I can try (and possibly fail) to bring this unavoidable knowing to life. I can face my fears or fight against them for another 5 years. Either way, this ‘thing’ will eventually find its way.
The choice is mine, but viewed through this lens there is truly only one option worth taking and it most certainly isn’t an easy one. While there is a very real part of me that wants to simply walk away, to admit defeat, to shift my focus and approach my work from a different angle, I happen to know that writing is how I process life. Writing is the practice I need most and it is the thing that routinely returns me to me. Without writing I am less of me and that is a version of myself I never aspire to be.
I have repeatedly learned that there is always a time when the risk to remain small is more painful than the risk it takes to actually grow. I have been trying to avoid this risk. I don’t want to admit, to myself or anyone else, what wants to be born through me. I don’t want to show up for this other project or face this scary thing or do much of anything. But it is getting in my way. And so I must choose. And so must you.
What is your knowing telling you to do? What is the thing you have been avoiding or ignoring? What is your big project? What would it take to lean toward it instead of away from it?
The Latest Posts:
#53 Priorities: Know your priorities.
#52 Time: The days are long, but the years are short.
#51 Avoidance: Avoidance only delays the inevitable.
#50 Roadblocks: Roadblocks, Hurdles, Detours, Obstacles, and Closed Doors.
#49 Ideas: What do we do with our ideas?
#48 Lack: Overcoming lack is how we take our power back.
Full archive here.
The Latest from the Podcast:
Self/Talk: a weekly pep talk for your self.
#5: Work, Motherhood, and Self
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