I used to feel sad, but now I feel anxious. This is by no means a big step for improvement. It is taking several steps down, and we all know that I wouldn't say I like staircases. On top of that, I’m not sure what factual or fiction is in my life. I have been suffering, but maybe the entertainer in me wants to entertain my public and be over with the old Sad Tosh bit. I’m bored with that part of the world. And now here is Anxious Tosh, about to jump into the unknown, and once entering, will not be able to find an exit out of my person-made Hell.
I’m one of those who can find reading material by fate that mirrors my condition, such as the novels by Jeremy Cooper. I finished reading Brian and Ash Before Oak and now reading Bolt From The Blue. The first two novels, if they are even novels, I do have my doubts about that, are about middle-aged men who are restricted in a specific type of life. One goes to movies every night by himself, which was pretty much my life as a young adult, and the other is living in the countryside and being very aware of one’s natural surroundings, such as birds, trees, insects, and for godsakes, mice, or rats. This reminds me of my life in Topanga Canyon as a child and teenager. Some days melted away while surrounded by nature, which I learned to hate. On the other hand, birds are fascinating.
When I walk with my wife around the Silver Lake Reservoir or the Los Angeles River, we pay close attention to the bird population. And there is even bird activity in front of our living room window. There are at least three significant pieces of bird, such as the school of Herons that fly by the house, the continuing patrol of the two hawks, and crows. And then there are bird birds that, to me, are birds with no strong identity. This is silly because every bird has some attractive characteristic traits. The little birds tend to chase away the Hawks aggressively from their nests and go after them like fighter pilots trailing an enemy plane. Crows are like juvenile street gangs, in which they hang out on the street corner whistling at pretty girls. They can recognize the human face and tell us apart from other humans. Crows also have the ability to get revenge against another crow or human. As a child, I remember that a singular crow would go after me if they saw me walking down the street. I never did anything wrong to this bird, but they hated me. Personally, and from my experience, I would be careful observing birds in close quarters.
For the last two days, I have made listings of films, music, and books I read in 2023. Not the very best, mind you, but everything is listed as an objective fact. I used my Good Reads, Letterboxd, and Discogs accounts to keep track of my activity in those given fields. As I read them over, I think my readers can discover my character, and it is very much a memoir or a journal that I’m sharing with my audience. Making lists gives me comfort and a sense of order that there are systems that work in one’s favor. I don’t believe in a higher God, but I do believe in lists.
Hi, Tosh, keeping a keen eye on you:)
Huberman claims a study indicates that
listening to "Weightless" by Marconi Union is 65%as effective as benzodiazapines at relieving anxiety.
I would add "Deep Blue Day" by Brian Eno
and "Traum al Wieder" by Holger Czukay
One of my favorite features od cd players is the repeat button.
There are some simple yogic breathing exercises that could help you too.
Dr Andrew Weill has videos on how.
Your brain might need some good fats
Avocado with banana and a bit of firm tofu mashed up with lime juice and honey is tasty and very calming