The picture on the left was a missing bookmark I deeply regretted losing for years, but I found it today while going through my library. Ironically, I found it in the first pressing of Delmore Schwartz’s collection of short stories; The World is a Wedding. The photograph is of me and Lun*na at our wedding at my mom’s house in Topanga Canyon on December 24, 1988. One can’t notice this from the Polaroid, but it was pouring rain that day, and the wedding took place under unforgiving clouds. I told Lun*na that these were tears of happiness on our marriage, but I’m not sure if she believed me or not.
The second photograph is of me at the diner Modern Eats taken by Jim Camp, 35 years later, and as you can gather, I haven’t changed that much since my wedding. On the other hand, the last 35 years have been extremes of up and down. Without a doubt, these photographs represent a period that changed my life and made me who I’m now at 68 years old. Which is someone I’m not too sure who I am. I want to say that I have grown since 1988, but when I look at the wedding photo, I’m very much the same fellow that can be seen in the recent photograph.
I’m narcissistic, but not in a manner where I take numerous photos of myself, but I do spend a great deal of time thinking about myself. It’s the only subject matter I feel I’m an expert on. Music, film, and books all come from my experience in how I perceive them. The sole objective view one can have of me is that I’m subjective. And I was that way when I was getting married in 1988. Our engagement lasted for only six months if even that. I met my wife that year, and she mostly spent it in Japan, and I was in Los Angeles writing letters to her on a daily basis. Her English wasn’t super great, but passable, but to make sure my letters weren’t boring to her, I also made drawings or used different types of colored ink for certain words. So, the correspondence I kept up with her was visual as well as literal. One thing for sure is that I wanted to marry her. It may be just her, she had that vibe, but I couldn’t imagine life without her being my wife. Which is funny because I didn’t have the foggiest idea of what it must be like to be a wife and be married to me.
So 35 years later, nothing has really changed, except there have been tragedies and happiness in equal quantities. Some days are bad, but good days come upon us as well. All I can tell you is that being married to Lun*na was an excellent decision on my part. In the long term, one should think of marriage in the tone of Nick and Nora Charles or John Steed and Mrs. Emma Peel rather than Romeo and Juliet, which ended badly for both parties.
I loved being married and I miss my husband and I'm happy you've appreciated marriage and Lun*na.
As always, perfectly put, Tosh. Moving as well. Congrats on wise life decisions (many of which have benefitted the rest of us!), and on yr well-tempered narcissism. (aren't we all narcissists?) Apologies for not making it to Lun*na's event. It's been a crazy week. Hope it went well.