I think most of us like the feeling of writing in a flow state. When words are just pouring out of your brain and onto the page like a gift from another dimension. It feels good to produce. I also think for most of us, this kind of writing flow is a rare visitor, that most of the time, writing is a grind. But, because we know what it feels like to have words coming out of the pen faster than we can put it to paper, we’re chasing that high. And any time we aren’t writing in flow (i.e. most of the time), we might feel a bit broken.
Lately, my progress on my novel has been slow. When I’m writing in a flow, I’m capable of drafting a scene in a couple of hours and producing five or so scenes in a week. It’s satisfying progress. For the last couple of weeks, I’ve been lucky to get out one scene in the entire week. Which feels…bad.
So, I had to remind myself that I have a lot of demands on my brain right now and it makes sense that writing is feeling a bit harder.
Here’s a typical work day for me.
I wake up at 5:30 am. I amble around for about a half an hour, making breakfast, packing my lunch. Sometimes, I’ll quietly listen to a podcast or read some newsletters over coffee.
I drive in the dark on a famously trafficky highway for 20-40 minutes depending on how bad the aforementioned traffic is. I get to listen to podcasts or audiobooks during the commute, which takes the sting out of it.
I arrive at work around 7 and have the next 45 minutes to get myself ready for the day. I answer e-mails, get all of my materials in order. Sometimes I have meetings. Often, I have to remind myself what the heck I’m actually teaching and brace myself for the marathon.
Class starts at 7:45. My first period is AP European History, a class I’ve never taught before that requires me to dredge up knowledge I haven’t used since I was the same age as my students. I finally get my brain woken up and in European history mode, but class is only 45 minutes long, and now it’s second period and time to teach Middle East History. I have taught this class before, but this shift requires me to pivot to an entirely different place and time period and is a much more emotionally challenging class, given recent world events.
I finally get into Middle East history mode, but again, class is only 45 minutes, and then I have two back-to-back periods of AP World History, which requires me to once again totally reorient my brain. By the time lunch starts at 11:15, I’ve taught 3 completely different lessons, managed 4 entirely different groups of students, and had to change modes every 45 minutes…and this is assuming that everything has gone well and nothing traumatic has happened. (Which…it’s a high school. That’s all too possible.)
I have a 45 minute break for lunch where I get to unwind with my coworkers, but even this relaxation time is frequently interrupted by students who want to make up tests, or ask questions about their grades, or want me to fact check their article about the conflict between Israel and Hamas. Then, I have 45 minutes of planning time to wrangle all of the other tasks that go along with teaching: grading, planning, re-learning the European history I forgot, answering e-mails, filling out paperwork, going to meetings, trying to figure out how to meet the individual needs of the nearly 100 cherubs I look after every day.
I get home around 1 PM – early, because I only teach part time. And then I have the rest of my working day to run my business, market my business, write my newsletter, read and comment on client work, meet with clients late in the evening – all of which requires focus and creative thinking.
Oh, and also write my novel. Have I mentioned that writing a novel is hard?
I’m not sharing all of this to complain. I know I’m incredibly lucky. Most of the time, I enjoy my work, or at the very least find it rewarding. I sometimes have to remind myself that my brain is jumping between a lot of different demanding tasks over the course of a typical day, so it’s completely understandable that writing my novel is hard right now.
It also explains why it’s suddenly harder to choose my outfits and why pickle and cheese sandwiches have been a very appealing dinner option lately.
You, dear reader, have a lot of demands on your time and brain too.
You might have kids to look after, or elderly parents. A day job. A business. The never-ending cycle of grocery shopping, cooking, and laundry. The mental and emotional load of keeping up with the news. And also, writing.
Normally, I put up a paywall partway through The TP Diaries, but I’ve left this post free for everyone because I think this is something every writer needs to hear sometimes.
Writing is hard.
This is your permission slip to let it be challenging. To not always enjoy it.
This is your invitation to be gentle with yourself when it is hard and not very much fun.
Because there’s nothing wrong with you. All of the most rewarding pursuits in life – teaching, learning, creating, and caring for others – are hard work and don’t always feel joyful or rewarding.
So, when it’s hard, accept that it’s hard and forgive yourself.
And know that it won’t feel terrible forever.