📐Taking a measure of things
Turning 40 soon, so sizing things up so that they are....well, sized up
I am going to hit 40 in a couple of days and so in the spirit of a man looking back, I decided to take stock, deconstruct myself, if you will. Unfortunately, I also like silly things and enroute to my personal reflection, stumbled onto this site called The Measure of Things and wasted away hours.
So, instead of a reflection that can help you, all I have to show is what follows.
📆 40 years
That’s about close to seven World War IIs (it was 6 years long). The only war I am waging though is the one against my receding hairline, and it isn’t so much a war but a complete surrender until I can shave my head fully.
Animal-wise, I have beaten a typical male Lion (35 years) without ever having to run behind my food that’s still alive (so thanks for that). I am hitting the Camel and Rhino years here - solid, chunky mofos both, the kind of boring steadfastness that I approach life with these days. I aspire to hit the Donkey years (50 year lifespan) next and then I hope to hee-haw all the way to reach the Indian elephant (70 years). If ever.
⚖️73 Kgs
I weigh 73 kg - give or take (take more please) which is just about a little less heavy than an adult Kangaroo (85 kgs)🦘. While the Kangaroo may leap 30 ft like the maniac it is, I haven’t seen one write a bloody blog post or tell a joke or hug someone with those tiny Trump-y hands. If I were to compare to another weirdly limbed rascal, I weigh as much as 1.5 adult octopuses🐙, but with only half the limbs and about a tenth of the coordination between them.
Briefly in 2018, through a combination of terrible decisions made late in the evenings in collaboration with the Swiggy app (insert sponsorship), my weight briefly bubbled up to see the dark side of the seventies. I weighed myself at 78 kgs. But it’s only 30 kg on Mars, I told myself, and immediately began supporting the quest to put people there. Turns out I had already written a detailed guide to going there, so that was handy.
📏175 cms
I’ve been about 1.2 Danny Devitos most of my adult life. Taller than Napoleon, but shorter than a full grown alligator (it’s really clear when we lie side by side). I am almost exactly as tall as Shahrukh Khan and Rajinikanth, which pretty much tells you that it is more than enough height to pursue global fame and popularity.
Any taller than me and you are just wasting centimeters.
Height has been a non-entity in my life and like many things, comfortingly average. Apparently, 175 cm is near the average male Indian height. I can reach things on shelves but I am not so tall that people stare.
🧑🏾🤝👩🏾13 years
N and I have now been married for nearly 13 years now which is almost nearly the same as the length of 👑Alexander’s reign. Coincidentally, Alexander died (after a drinking bout) on June 13 which is just a week or so shy of our anniversary.
While we have been married for less than the lifetime of an 📱iPhone (been around for 16 years now), it’s been longer than the time Modi has been the prime minister of India. A bunch of companies were founded in the same year we got married including Ola, PayTM, Freshworks and Snapdeal. Thirteen years later, I am here to confirm that the marriage is going better than these entities.
So, what’s the takeaway? Don’t startup, get married.
👿2 bad bosses
I’ve had about as many bad bosses as escalators in Wyoming. I am not exaggerating - the state of Wyoming has only two escalators. Also, apparently, it’s quite the attraction in the state, like the flyer in Singapore - only slower and more boring.
I am quite happy with my hit rate of asshole bosses. I’ve worked with about 8 bosses in my life and so to have 25% of those being terrible is entirely acceptable.
⚒️7 jobs
I’ve worked on about 7 different jobs and they’ve all felt like Mondays. I bet I have been dopey, sleepy, grumpy, bashful, sneezy and happy across them at different points. While they’ve certainly not been seven wonders, at different points they’ve felt like I was in the colosseum fighting hungry lions and at other times felt like one of the bricklayers building the great wall (in my insignificance) although I doubt if you can see all the online buttons I’ve launched from space.
I am sure there are many other things I can measure - like the number of countries I’ve lived in (3), cars I’ve owned (just 1) or words I’ve written (not sure, but at least a million?) - but what’s the point?
It’s the things you cannot measure….
Like the cubic liters of farts you’ve let out.
Or, the times stubbed your toe and swore, then cried.
Nah, I am kidding. What I meant was all the hallmark card things —like love, learning, kindness, friendship.
But equally importantly, it’s the number of good Dosas you’ve eaten in life (essentially Annapoorna visits). Or Beers you’ve had in good company. Total tears shed, but while laughing. Things like that are harder to measure
I am also curious about other things I cannot measure, like, what’s the measure of my male ego, for instance? I haven’t really lost a lot of money to my ego like, say, an Elon Musk would (he poured $44 billion down the drain just for his ego). I haven’t spilled blood and gotten into fist fights ever. My ego measurements would be boring —opportunity cost of things I’ve avoided doing something because I may look stupid or the times I’ve sulked because of something said in fun.
Or, what’s the measure of my patience? Oh, wait, this one is easy. This is measured in hours spent in silk board junction as a percentage of your life. I am glad to say that while it peaked in 2014-15, I have since de-silkboarded my life by only walking to work for the last 8 years.
Ok, that’s edging on a word count of 1000 words. Time to stop.
Could be worse,
Tyag
Ha..ha...well written as always! Happy 40's to you